I met a man on the internet several years ago. He was honest and upfront from the beginning, telling me he is a recovering cocaine addict. I don't use drugs and looked past his former use, as we had a wonderful connection and we were becoming good friends. He lived in a different country to me and I moved to be with him after 12 months. I found out, my looking for some paperwork, that he had to appear in court, as he was caught buying cocaine by the police. He did not tell me and I only found out this in the past 4 months. I went back to my country last year and he was joining me later on. I tried to call him one day and there was no answer and all night he ignored the phone and my text messages. Silly me didn't even think he was using. Eventually I got hold of him and he said he had been out and was sorry he missed my calls. The next time was once again when I was not here. I rang and rang him and no answer. I rang his children (from a previous marriage) and eventually they went to our home and checked, only to find him in bed and they knew what he had been doing. I spoke to them and they admitted to me that they knew about the time before, but he had begged them not to tell me, that he would. Of course he didn't. We was an addict for 27 years and was sober for 2 years. This has hurt me terribly and he used money that was tailmarked for other bills to do this. He shows remorse after the event, but I am hesitant to believe him. The last time he used (1 month ago), I had spoken to him on the phone 30 minutes before he walked out to use and he told me he was going to eat dinner and go to bed. The first time he relapsed (the time he didn't use, only because the police saw it), he told me it was because I told him I didn't love him and wanted to call off the engagement. Am I being naive to think that he won't use again? I want to trust him so much, but there is nagging doubts there as well. He seems to do everything to excess. He smokes, it's heavy, he drinks and it's always a dozen, not 1 or two bottles of beer.
I know nothing of drugs, drug addiction or recovery. Any advice you can give me would be great. We are both in our early 50's and I don;t want to waste time or money with someone who is not serious about staying clean.