A year ago he started having a notion that everyone in his office is trying to communicate with him through telepathy,giving orders and directions which were never spoken,we went to neurologist who I think wrongly diagnosed him as bipolar.He started the psychotic medicines but that made the situation worse,then came voices in his head and the sometimes images.Fortunately within six months of his condition we came across a homeopathic practitioner who spent a day studying him and talking to family.His medicines gave him immediate relief. For 4 months we thought we have our life back ,everything became normal.Then he told me he is having a delusion that he is having an affair with a women at work.I tried to make peace with it and treated the situation as act of his mind and told myself nothing to worry about.Myself and the practitioner suggested that he should take a transfer or girl should be moved to a different team"Out of sight ,out of mind", he resisted saying its not possible ,he doesn't have sufficient powers in office.Around sametime I had taken a break from work for IVF before we were aware of his condition.Needless to say IVF failed and stress worsened the situation.I tried to take care of him with all my focus and hadn't started any new job .Now he is angry with me that I have become a liability and should be independent.There are possible avenues in another city/country that I know but he is reluctant to do anything about it.Over one year I observed he has started interacting more with that girl on lightly personal conversations, he gets upset when her promotion is denied and so on.When I ask questions ,no definite answer or solution comes out, just that I should get a job and independent and all of this is "my empty mind creations". This has hurt me so badly that I have started losing hope in our marriage.I cry all the time and very depressed. He wants me to start our own business and then he can resign,but that could take years and he will be there in the same office so will she. I wanted to help him and relocate and start new but he does not agree. Atleast I have loved him unconditionally for past 7 years and breaks my heart when he want to share his love saying he loves me 90% and cant she have 10%!! I cant seem to find a solution, I hate wasting our best years fighting.
There is no such thing as being ok with your husband loving you 90% its all or nothing. She can have no part of him except as a coworker. I suspect his "delusions" about them having a relationship with her was not a delusion but a warning to you. My delusions of hubby cheating were not delusions, and as soon as I was sure I had a stable income, I was history.
There are 3 possibilities here, well actually 4. 1) He is truly having an affair or he WANTS an affair with this girl. 2) she is playing games with him and manipulating him because he is mentally unstable or 3) He is imagining the whole thing. Another possibility, 4) is that it is a combination of these three things. It seems to me, if he realizes this is a "delusion" he would want to remove himself from the situation. I have a feeling from what you have said, is that he either is having an affair or he thinks an affair is possible and if you were self sufficient it would be easier for him to take up with this girl at the office. I think your husband needs to see a qualified psychiatrist, not a neurologist and definitely NOT a homeopathic pratitioner! A homeopathic Dr cannot treat psychological issues succesfully. It sounds more like an issue of schizophrenia than bipolar. Hearing voices, having delusion that others are "controlling" you with their thoughts, these are all schizophrenic traits. If you want to save your marriage, you need to get him to see a psychiatrist and have psychotherapy. There are medications that do quite well to manage schizophrenic symptoms. A psychiatrist could help him determine whether this is really an "affair" or the delusion of an affair and this may be able to save your marriage. It is obvious that you love your husband and you have been willing to put up with a lot but this is unacceptible. As Kaismama says, his love for you should be all or none. Accept no less. You need to find out if your husband is truly sick and get him the help he needs in a psychiatrist or if he is playing you by having an affair and pretending it isnt real so he can keep you and her. It is very possible she is just being friendly to him and he is reading more into it than what is really there, since those with schizophrenia can do this sort of thing, but either way, this is not fair to you and you need to find out and taking him to a psychiatrist is your best bet.
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