Hi all, Im 28 yr old mother of 3 young boys. My husband and i are seperated, he is a drug addict who has been addicted to weed (still is), cocaine, gambling, alcohol, and oxy (maybe still is) he has been addicted to drugs for 10 yrs. He was snorting oxy for the last 2+ yrs. Recently he went to detox lasted 3 days. and Now he quit all by himself, no help nothing. He said he doesnt need it. He is and has been emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive. He thinks because he has quit that im supposed to forgive him and forget all and give him another chance. (this would be the 100th chance) He is not getting help, he is not going to counseling, he seems to go in manic states (maybe he is bipolar) He is paranoid, and god so much more. were on sticks and stones when he comes to see the kids.
Why should i forgve and forget, when he isnt doing anything to prove to me he is getting better. He hasnt done anything but quit (which i dont believe cause he has dark circles under his eyes and snorts still (like his nose is running).
What am i to do, i feel like im getting no where, all i do is panic. im damned if i do damned if i dont.
I dont trust him, im not in love with him. i dont feel he has changed to me he seems the same. Im tired of being blamed and sick of living my life like this. Where do i begin and if someone can please help me or give me advise i would appreciate it. it means alot. Im so lost.
Im sick of this. hes whinning andmooping around like he is the victim, when he hasnt been around for years of our relationship. Im not his babysitter or mother, im his wife, i need to focus on my kids and they dont deserve this no one does.
thank you in advance i could go on and on.
Added 20 Mar 2011:
First i want to say thank you so much for your replies. It means alot to have people reach out to me.
Im just so tired of everything. the good thing is he is still working (finally again) and goes out of town for 10 days and back for 4. the 4 days he is in town is hell. he came to get his snow boarding stuff because he went snow boarding instead of hanging with his kids and saw i had more pillows on my bed and accused me of being with other people. (which trust me thats the furthest thing from my mind) then i run a day home and he accuses me of being to friendly with the dads of the kids i watch. this happens on a regular basis im always being accused of doing stuff im not.
Now i could go on and on about what happens. But im tired of him telling me its my fault. i ruin his time with his kids. (i simply ask him to leave when he is getting out of hand, calling me names and yelling at the kids) its like he starts the fights which he probably does. he says that im wasting his time, by not jumping back in to a relationship and giving him a little chance. Ive told him, go to counseling, go to support meetings, lose the friends that are drug addicts, and so on. He doesnt need to he says he can do it on his own and hell prove it to me and everyone else. Hes not doing it for him, he says he is doing it for me and the kids. He says he is clean, he still smokes pot not clean to me. Plus he isnt happy at all he is depressed and ya. Im so tired again of all this.
I dont know why its my responsibility to make him better. Im not sure how to get him to realize where im coming from. I do have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow so hopefully she will explain to him where i am coming from. I know i sound like im repeating myself. i guess i just have to follow my brain and move on.
Added 2 Apr 2011:
Hi all, well I want to say thanks again for your help! We went to a counselor and he walked out because he felt ganged up on! But I think he finally gets how I feel! Well at least I thought he did! He was gone for 10 days came back yesterday and atarted a fight, proceeded to tell me he is moving in and won't be giving me any money! I said no your not moving in asked him to leave numerous times! Well then he was saying I assulted him I didn't he was making it up! But he said something that made me blow a gasket and now I'm sure if he wanted to he coule hqve me charged with assualt, so the cops came and escorted him out of the house in cuffs because he wouldn't leave! He is back today and saying he is going to be living in my basement (we own the house together) and telling the boys he is having a sleep over here. I feel trapped and useless!
I NEED HELP and I don't know what to do or where to go! I'm so lost I want this to end, I want my children and I to be happy, he's telling me I'm unfit and he is sending me for a mental assessment. I can't do this anymore! Please someone please help me
Added 5 Apr 2011:
Im just wondering if someone can please read my last post. Im so confused as to where to start the process. Im tired of being blamed and him mooping around telling me how unhappy he is and how depressed he is. Well im sorry i cant fix that. i cant help that there has been so much damage and i dont trust him and dont forgive him.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME>>> I really need it.