I been using for 4 years was sober 8 months and now just recently went on a 2 month bieng I havnt used in 5 days so I'm past the worst but I just wanna use sooooo bad I have a good job but had no money ever so I was running some to pay for my habbit + have some cash no one new I was ever using not even my gf of 3 years I'm just tired of living a duble life and wanna stay clean but just knowing the feeling is hard to just stay away from :/ every day theses past 5 days I've thought why quit h just quit work n got back to selling it I made more that way in a day then I do ina month ugh its just all so hard and I just don't know how to deal with it. I don't need help to get off it so I don't need treatment its just how to stay clean and how to keep from selling its like the money is a high alone
Hi Revh. How are you? I hope you are still clean and finding ways to get through the urges. My mother has been an addict for 27 years. She is that person that everyone talks about when they say you lose everything. She left her kids, lived on the streets, quite more times than I can count, been to several counselers, taken meds, and is still fighting. I could add more to this list but would be here all night. The question you need to ask is what life do you want to live? Fighting to get your next fix, living in a prison, lying to those you love, sleeping on a cold hard surface? Or work to barely make it by but have a home, food, and a family that will help you get through the urges? Every christmas growing up I always knew Iwould get to see my mom because she would be in jail for at least 90 days for probation. That was how I remember the holidays, and my birthday as it is close to Thanksgiving. I am poor myself. Money has always been a high, for anyone. But again ask yourself, do you want to feel like you are always running away? Or do you want to run towards something? Your gf, or family im sure would be at the finish line to help. I hope this helps and I hope you find what makes you happy and safe. Im still waiting at that finish line for my mom but am afraid I will always be here. Good luck Revh, and FIGHT to be better.
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