I have so many medical issues that I am trying to addresss that I can't function. Some of them include Cancer, Chronic pain, PTSD, High Blood Pressure, A blood disorder called Factor 5 Leyden that I have been told can be life threatening if not kept under close watch, Diabetes type2, Restless Leg Syndrome I guess you can get the picture. I am only 42 and have had 22 mostly major surgeries. I even have had to have a permanent central line put in my chest called a Hickman Cathetar for IVs and blood draws because I have no veins left because of all the illnesses and surgeries. I am on Paxil 40mg in the morning and Ativan 2mg as well as amitriptyline 25mg at bedtime as well as alot of other meds for the medical issues, and I am still up all night typing away at you folks. I tend to get so depressed it is awful, it doesn't help that I have severe PTSD too from a very traumatic abusive life. My husband I have now is great, so sometimes I feel guilty putting him through all this, he is always right there trying to help and sometimes I push him away. I hate not being able to sleep with him at night but I just can't sleep with all the pain and I have Chronic vomiting right now that is being looked in to. My husband is so worried about me, he doesn't want to lose me and it makes me feel guilty that I worry him because he has already had one heart attack so I am afraid the stress will give him another one. He tells me not to worry about him but I love him. I finally have someone who cares about me for who I am not for what he can get. Well I better stop typing or you folks will be reading the rest of your life, sorry. I'm tired of tests, doctors and meds. Anyone have any suggestions out there I really need help.
How do you overcome depression and guilt caused by too many medical issues?
- 1 May 2010 by marjorie zych
- 25 May 2010
- depression, post traumatic stress disorder, pain, cancer
Added 25 May 2010:
Just so everyone understands me and what I am saying, I am not trying to throw a pity party for myself but rather than that I am reaching out like I am told I should. My husband has been the most wonderful person through all of this stuff but I would love to take some of the pressure off his shoulders, so I am reaching out for advice only -- not pity. I get more out of this site with all of you than I do at my local Mental Health Center. You folks have been there the psychs for the most part have not. All they want to do is increase or add meds you folks have been great with just the supportive advice and I thank you all ever so much. I hope to be able to make more friends. Thanks again folks!!!
Most women experience depression in their life. Maybe because of our genetic make up. I also experience depression before my monthly period or even between my periods but I dont want to take meds. I have to fight this sudden sadness through spiritual discipline. I read the bible, pray and seek other women in the church. I go to the gym three times a week with my husband to control my anger and outburst. It helps me relax and sleep well at night. It controll my moods and keep me sane during the day.Though I'm a stay at home mom, I keep myself busy with chores and help our neighbors who are in need. Whenever, self pity sets in or too preoccupied with myself, I remember the promises of God and that gives me hope.You have a loving husband who takes care of you. I wish you all the best...
Hi marjorie, I just read your post, and WOW, do I know how you feel!! I won't go into all my illnesses, of which, like you, there are many, but I know just exactly what you're going through. I had a bad marriage too, and then I found the most wondereful guy in the world (much like your wonderful guy). He has however, got some pretty serious medical problems himself, and I don't want to stress him out either. He doesn't want to lose me, and is always right there trying to help me and checking to see that I'm ok. I catch him watching me sleep sometimes, knowing that he's checking to see that I'm breathing, and he has that worried look on his face. My guy tells me not to worry about him, that everything will be ok. Sound familiar? I too, have felt a lot of guilt and stress, trying to deal with my own illnesses, worrying about stressing him out, and wanting to help him too.
I came here to this site, to find an answer to a question I had about the use of Norco with a rare disease I have. I have gotten to where the pain is so bad I take too many Norco each day, which is just going to give me more medical problems, which is going to stress out my guy even more. We have been together 16 years now, and I was healthy, slender, working, etc. when we met. Now I am an older, overweight, addict. Nice for him to end up with. Now, that is all the negative. Let me tell you of some positive. First, I have cut back on the Norco to a less destructive level, and even though I am in a lot of pain, am trying to stay down, (sometimes successfully, sometimes not); Second, I found this site and the really great people here, and find a lot of help in just reading their posts. Try that first off. Read as many as you can. You will find a peace of a sort, because you will read little things you can identify with and do in your life. The collective knowledge and compassion on this site is just amazing. And trust your husband. He's a big boy now. I'm very sure he would be more stressed if you don't lean on and confide in him. That would leave him to wonder if you really are ok, more than he usually would by knowing for sure. It is in God's hands as to what He has planned for your man; maybe He meant for him to find you, so your very difficult life would be graced by a very special someone who would be the light of your life, and you as his too. I know from this post that you are a very good, and loving person, and believe it or not, you do have something to give back to him; your life and love. Don't make light of that. You are important, and loved, and cared about. and you have a whole website routing for you, and that's no small feat, except here, where they really DO care. Whatever happens to either of you, feel no guilt, because he wants to be there for you, unequivicably (spelling?), as you love and want him there with you. Then next, can you get out at all? I get out to go to Doctor's and that's about it. If it was not for this computer, I would have been done in completely a long time ago. I read all the news I can from my homepages (I have two). While I'm reading, I inevidably find a word I don't quite understand, or have never heard of. I write each word on a piece of paper, and then, when I am done reading, I go to "PCH search and win", and use their search engine to find the definitions. The good thing about that is that each day you do a search, you are automatically entered into their sweepstakes, so you're not only doing something good for yourself (reading the news). you also might become a millionaire!! Don't laugh, someone's got to win; why not you? Hey, just reading the news will get your heart pumping. I get so riled up over everything going on in the world, that my guy says I get a healthy "glow" about me (course I won't tell him that it's going to make me throw something at the computer). Anyway, it really does help, and I found hours have passed when I thought it was maybe an hour. I can't sit at my computer for very long, so my guy got me a small computer table and put it on wheels for me. I just give it a pull right to me (or he does) and that way, my computer has become a great part of my life (keeping me sane). Also, it does seem that all my time is spent at Doctor's, taking meds, and being poked and prodded. much like you. The answer; I haven't got one. I just start each day with a prayer that today, I will find 5 minutes, just 5 minutes of peace, of being pain free (or close), and that I will not be a burden for just a little while this day. Sometimes my prayers are answered, sometimes not. But if I get one small thing answered, it is a gigantic step forward to me. My illnesses are permanent and progressive. There's not much I can do about it, so I just try to make the best of it. I get help to the chair right outside my front door, where I sit and read in the morning sun (sometimes bundled up in a coat while it rains) while my 2 little miniature longhair dachsunds play in the yard. I do this for maybe five minutes, as many times a day as I can. Sometimes, days go by before I can get out there, but I know that there will be a tomorrow for me to try again. And if not and God calls me home, I will go somewhere where there is no pain and suffering, No meds, tests, or Doctor's who want to "help" you, if you know what I mean. Now back to the computer. I don't know your capabilities or if you can get to it or not. I don't know how limited you are. If you can't get to it much, maybe you could do like me and get a small table (there are some like a hospital bedside table) that rolls to you. I just prop myself up with pillows, put a tray on my lap, and can go anywhere I want anytime I want. I can (and do) go to free game sites among many other things. PCHgames, is my favorite. I never thought I would be one to go for on-line games, but the ones I have found are great. There are card games, arcade, slots,trivia, strategy, word (my favorite of all), sports (football, but also pool, carniball (if you have ever been to a carnival, you'll recognize it); you name it they've got it. Well, now I have made my typically big mouth (even on posts), run on and I'll probably get flagged by the powers that be here, I guess to check for content, so this may not get to you right away. Sometimes it takes a day or two. This is so long, it probably will get flagged, but I will keep an eye out to make sure it gets to you. Since we are friends (thank you for that), I will be notified if you post a comment to this post of mine. I hope in all this rambling, I have touched a part of you that will make it just a little easier. Actually, I had more to say about this (and I think people must avoid me here for just that reason) I'm sure no one wants to spend that much time reading my "Books", and kind of figured I can already be accused of overkill. I just totally identify with you and what you're going through and maybe I can say something that may help. For now though, God bless you and be with you through you're very trying time, and that He looks in on your husband too. I know there is peace in knowing that you are never alone. Sometimes we just have to open the door and step through in order to see what He has in store for us next. My favorite saying is "God has three answers to your questions. "Yes", "no", and "I have something else in mind for you." If you respond to my answer tonight, I will try to keep the next post a lot shorter. I can tell you of many sites to go to for different things if you are interested. Well, as you can see, I just tend to run off at the mouth. Take care and best of luck to you both. beanmarie
***I'm sure this will get flagged. Look for a post from me that you will get first if this is flagged.
Ok marjorie, Here goes... sound like yo have a ton of medical problems. I can empathize. If you are saying though that you finally have a man who loves you for what you are, I think you have to break off a little sugar for that man. You could do that in the time it takes to ask a question. I am not trying to be a smart ass either. Both of you would feel better and it does help get those natural endorphins going. Even if you can't sleep in the bed with him, he could go to the couch with a smile on his face.My guess he will he will stay around to help you with all your pain problems. Good luck Fall Queen
Fall Queen? You didn't get it. Re-read the posts and you'll figure it out ;-) I may lose some friends for saying this but here goes. Marjorie, whenever I open my email there are at least 2 full pages of "your friend Marjorie Zych answered a question." I don't mean to be critical, but if you spent half as much time with your wonderful husband as you do on the pc, you would find that you needn't carry so much guilt about how you THINK he feels. I agree with Fall Queen on a bit more sugar in that department. I disagree with beanmarie on finding MORE to do on the pc. Sometimes you should unplug the darn thing and say, "enough for the rest of the week." Time to work on me and my relationship. We all have problems and issues... that's why we come to this site. I love a few people here and appreciate the support I get.
But if I ever sit too long on the pity pot, someone better kick me in the butt and set me straight! Life has dealt many of us a hand that a good poker player would fold on. Marjorie, you were dealt a hand that most people could not handle. You too, beanmarie. Fall Queen is the strongest person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. And it's a wonderful thing to have faith in the Lord. But you know what they say... "God helps those who help themselves." Not too many people know my issues or what my husband has been through. I could go on and on... I choose not to. I CHOOSE to be a listener to others. I CHOOSE to use my personal experiences to try and help people feel things are not hopeless. That's why God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth. Please don't take my comments the wrong way. They are not meant to be hurtful. Just to let you know, I married my husband when I was 16. I am now 49. 33 years of marriage that has seen more ups and downs than I care to mention. But we both know we have too much invested in each other to NOT work on the little things. Physical intimacy has taken a back seat for now. So you learn to be creative. Not going in to detail, but we're never too old to try new things. Marjorie, do you feel by helping others helps your depression? Or is it a constant reminder of the many problems you DO have? Maybe you need to find a happy balance. How about if you include your husband in this site? Let him read a few questions and see what he thinks about the issues? I'm assuming he isn't involved when you're on the pc. Maybe it would be a positive way of including him in an important part of your life. I assumed a lot. Please don't be offended. You are a very sweet, caring person. You know as well as anyone here that chronic pain causes depression. But I do know that you can ease any guilt you may have with your wonderful husband by including him in all the positive things in your life too. There are positives, find them, enhance them, and nurture them. I truly hope I haven't hurt you with my comments.
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