I know that this sounds terrible, but... I seriously have reached the end of my rope, so to speak! My son is almost 8 years old. We realized he had a problem 2 years ago. Until then he had always, ever since he was born, had very loose stools, so when he started soiling 2 summers ago, I assumed he was having diarrhea. We tried a low fiber diet (HA, you know this is going, right?)bribery, positive reinforcement, yelling, crying, ignoring, for months until finally called a psychiatrist to see why my sweet little boy had turned into a defiant, lying (would tell me he had pooped when he hadn't) difficult child seemingly overnight. Thank GOD the Dr told me this wasn't psychological; at least it wasn't until I did EVERY possible thing I could wrong! We finally took him to Children's Hospital in Milwaukee to the Pediatric GI specialists. Where to my shame after swearing to them he had diarrhea, they showed us in an x-ray that he had softball sized clot of stool lodged in the base of his colon. So after accepting my first (of many) mother of year awards and swallowing any confidence I had left in my parenting abilities, I admitted that I obviously didn’t have a clue what was going on or what to do about it!!! It was so bad they told us that it would take a YEAR, yes a YEAR with no reoccurrences for his colon to get "back to normal". Thank God again, and not my poor son’s fantastic mother (me), he had not had any problems in school yet. He had just started kindergarten. So we did our first cleanse. We thought we had it under control and we did, sort of, off and on for the next 8 months. We would have fights every morning to get him to drink the juice I would mix his Miralax into. He would hide it, dump it down the drain, and every morning became a nightmare for all of us. Then I started a new job where I had to travel and my husband would always forget to give it to him at all while I was gone. I'd get home, he would have an accident, I'd yell at my husband, we'd be mad, and my son would be in his room crying saying that he hated himself, he was stupid, that he wished he was never born and that he just wanted to die. So let me be very clear that I never once told him or ever tried to make him feel bad, tell him he was stupid, demean or degrade him. I fully admit that I am not the best mom, but I always told him and still do that I love him more than anything in the world, that he is very smart, very good and I am always trying to boost his self confidence. So on and on it went we would be fine for a month or 2 and then it would star t over. I just never understood, and really still don’t, understand how he can’t feel it when he is sitting in pants filled with poop. He wouldn’t smell it either!! I could smell it a mile away. I could tell by the way he walked, how does he not know? I don’t get it!! That can’t be normal, right? Finally at the end of the school year last year it started getting really bad again. He would lie to us about going, he would hide his dirty underwear, even when we assured him that we would not be mad at him about accidents, but that we needed to know so we could help him and know if he needed more medicine or less. I would just ask him if had gone poop and he would flip out and start yelling and have a fit. Nothing mattered, nothing helped. Finally after completely breaking down sobbing to my mom and all of my girlfriends I got him into a another specialist. At this point his bottom was so raw, it would bleed, we would have to physically force him to bend over so we could clean him and put ointment on while he would scream bloody murder, how our neighbors never called the police is almost concerning. So here we are at the Dr's again, and he is screaming and crying as she did her exam, (you can't tell me he doesn't need counseling after that if for nothing else!) only to find out he has another huge clot. He is super thin and his tummy is completely flat, how in the world was he not even a little bit bloated or distended? So after another cleanse that was supposed to take 3 days, that actually took 9 days, we had him cleaned out again. I was going to be damned if he was going to get stopped up again, so with the Dr's permission I started giving him a colace and senicot (no problems taking meds in pill form) every morning and every night. He was in pull-ups for another 6 weeks. We had the worst vacation in history, and my heart is completely broken that my baby is so upset and having these problems. I think I was giving him too much because he was still having accidents all the time, like he had no control at all. So while I think he is now loose, I am still afraid that I will be wrong again, I don't know what to do! I took Dr,'s advice and moved it down to one of each only at night. We seem to be doing okay for the last few weeks, but school is starting up soon and I am terrified for him, and scared that this will never end for any of us!!! Please someone give me some hope for my baby and my marriage!!! I can't believe it when the Dr.'s tell me this is not uncommon, because it is common why do I feel like we are alone?
First of all, quit blaming yourself for being a bad Mother! It sounds to me like you have done just about eveything to encourage your child, & help him. I am just surprised that his doctor has let this go on for so long. Has anyone of his doctors thought he could have a completely different problem? Has he had any tests to confirm what & why this is happening in the first place? Xray, MRI, or colonoscopy? It could be caused by a number of different problems. Maybe the nerves that help with control in the spine have a problem. Literally there could be a meriod of problems causing this. Please get a second opinion. Take your son to a Gastroenterologist, & see what they have to say. This is not normal obviously or you wouldn't be asking for help. Just my thoughts...
Poor baby (and poor mommy!) I really feel for you and I agree with Mary! Dont beat yourself up about it!! I agree that you should have him checked to be sure he doesnt have any nerve problems that are keeping him from feeling. There are some spinal problems that can cause numbness in the saddle area (any area that would touch a saddle if you were sitting on one). So make sure you rule all this out by consulting a good GI Dr and possibly a neurologist. He may indeed need some counseling along with the whole family for better coping. It sounds like he sees you both angry about it so he blames himself even though the anger is not directed at him. He probably feels bad because others his age dont have this problem so he feels singled out as well and wonders why he is different. I want to also recommend that you make sure he drinks plenty of water. Water is absolutely essential to prevent constipation. All the fiber and stool softeners in the world dont work well unless there is a good water intake. Water is best but juices are ok too, even KoolAid or Chrystal Light if it gets him to drink more. Just limit iced tea, soda pop, etc. At his age shoot for 4-6 eight ounce glasses of fluids a day. Keep his fiber intake high. There are pill forms of Citrucel or Fiber Con if he swallows the pills better than the drinks. Benefiber is good because youi can add it to almost anything and it doesnt taste or thicken, even water! Fiber has to be taken with a good fluid intake though to work best. Try to lessen the "ordeal" as much as you can. See if you can get him on a bowel routine. Try letting him pick what time a day would be best for his BM, first thing in the morning, afternoon or before bed. Try giving a warm liquid at this time to help him go. An old home remedy for constipation is a tablespoon full of molasses (blackstrap) in a cup of warm water (and this does truly work!!). If he likes the taste it may be an option, if he doesnt then find another warm liquid even hot chocolate (with the Benefiber). A warm liquid can help to stimulate the bowels. If he gets into a routine of going every day at a certain time it will be easier on all of you and much less an "ordeal" He is rebelling against the "ordeal" that pooping has become. At eight years old he should be old enough to reason with. Sit him down and have a discussion. Tell him why you are doing all of this-why you often ask him about his bowels and your fear of him having another blockage. Let him tell you his concerns and see if you can work something out to make it less of an ordeal for all of you. Try to do things the way HE wants to (within reason) to restore some of his own control over his bodily functions. Talk to him about establishing a routine. Let him pick the time of day for the routine. Let him sit with a favorite book or magazine and his warm liquid and let that be his "time". Good Luck! I feel for you all! Believe me-you are not a horrible mother! You are a loving caring mom or you would not be so torn up!! Hang in there as this too shall pass! No pun intended!:)
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