I am so appreciative to all of those that replied to my last question. Words cannot express how much it really did help me. Tonight is the first nite in days that I havent had the overbearing need to give up. This has been the worst time ever with the depression to go thru and make it thru like I am. I am still having all the thoughts but, its not as out of control and intense as is was. My daughter has shown me so much love and support, all of your words and what you have shared with me really has helped.
I know that I have to keep going and every day I have to keep fighting. Some days are worse than others but, normally I pull myself thru it, this was and is so much differrent.

At the moment I am feeling a little better. I really need to learn how to cope and deal with everything. I had gone to a therapist a few times and found him to be no help. He was a typical therapist in my mind with very little understanding on how to handle and deal with a person like myself.

How do you get out of bed in the mornings? How do you handle being on meds that keep you sudated? How do you get anything done?

How do you and when do you get to smile, laugh, and feel good about yourself and life? I have always thought to have been in control of my life for years until after this surgery and that was in aug 2007 and I cant seem to get control of my feelings, thoughts, and reactions. If there is a trick, a way, technique, or anything that would be able to help me I would love to know. I dont want to fight everyday with myself like I do just to keep gong because I am truly exhausted. Mahalo