Hello Iam not sure where to start. But my boyfriend of 5 years has been using oxys and coccaine for two years now. It started just as a weekend thing. But has progressed into a full time thing. It has taken over. He barely works, he doesn't pay bills, he doesn't grocery shop... its just drugs, then lay on the couch and be grumpy. He only works just to make money for the drugs. I have been reading all of your stories and comments for while now. It has helped a lot. I finally made the choice to move out and get my own place. But now it feel worse than It did living there with him. I love him so much and I feel like Iam so lost. We still see eachother and he is still using. Hes told me a million times he has a problem and is going to get help. But never does. I miss him and don't know how to let go. I cry all the time, sometimes it just hits me and I start to bawl. At work, in the car. It just hurts so bad. What do I do?
Hello so sad it hurts. Feel badly for you to say the least. I think that the best way to help him might be for you to find a support system. I know you love and care for him and by you getting some solid support, you might at least feel better, less hurt and depressed and be in a stronger frame of mind to help deal with your life and his. Good wishes and thoughts to you,pledge
so sad it hurts, im so sorry for your situation and having to go thru this. opiate addiction, or any addiction is a very real thing and its a huge war and take alot of courage and strength to endure and get over and done with it. i have been taking percocet 10/325, for a legit medical reason which started at a very low dose taking the pain away and now my dr has me on a pretty high dose, not to mention i take a little extra because my body is so immue that i have to take more to get relief. when it came to a point that i was taking sometimes 16 or more pills a day, just for relief and had to take pills just to feel normal and not go thru withdrawls, i knew i was dependant, i had no one to go to , no support, and no one to talk to to, thats when i desperately sought out sites on the internet. and here i am, been a part of this family going on a year i believe. dc, is my only support.
after numerous attemps and fails at taper plans that i got from many different members here, im finally on one that is working so far. its not easy, very painfull, and the withdrawls are minimal because im on a slow taper, but its also a mental addiction. you did what you needed to move, that is not what you want especially if he has stated a problem but never has sought change. ive already had depression problem since early adult life, but now its 10 x worse, and i have panic/anxiety attacks, insomnia and just horrible days. hes got to want the help and want to live life, and not live for the next fix. if and when he does really want help, bring him here, show him how many of us actually are in the same boat. i am now on a taper off the percocet and am at 12 pills a day, and i will continue to endure the pain and struggles, but will make it. hope things for you get better, keep us posted and please, take care of yourself. leanne
Dear so sad it hurts,
As the other posters have suggested, getting the support from a group that understands would be very beneficial. Narcotics Anonymous has a sister group called Nar anon for the loved ones of the addicted. You can google Nar anon and find meeting locations near you. Your boyfriend, if he is sincere about wanting help, may also benefit from Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Again he can find Narcotics Anonymous meetings by googling it. These meetings will provide the tools necessary for him to stay clean.
You have done the right thing by taking care of yourself and not given in to his illness. Addiction is an illness that affects the entire household. Get some support and things will begin to feel better. We are here for you,
Hi so sad,
I'm very sorry for the position you find yourself in. I must agree with Laurie, Nar Anon will help. Also, seeking help from a psychologist that deals with addiction would be a great boon for you. If your insurance covers it, please find help. You will feel stronger and you may find that the love you feel for this man is something else entirely. I mean NO disrespect saying that, but you may find out that it won't hurt so much to be away from him. Any active addict's first love is their drug of choice!!
If he gets clean, please don't marry or make babies with him unless he has been clean for several years. You could have a miserable time of it if you do marry him unless he is clean and sober for a long time. You also could be very happy and he may never touch another substance again. No one knows of course, but now he is in 'love' with his drugs, you come after them.
I hated writing those words, but you probably know this already.
Did you know him before he as using? Did you come first in his life at that time?
Getting off Oxys will be hellish, I did it, cold turkey and it is horrible. Similar to heroin withdrawal. Getting off of cocaine can cause temporary psycosis, if he is using enough of it. So, your man needs inpatient treatment at a rehab it would seem.
It will be the fight of his life and the fight to save his life.
I wish you only the best, and I hope you become strong!!
So sad, I know how much you hurt honey, but you did the best thing for both of you. You, as the others have stated should seek out help for you to understand his addiction better. I suggest NA meetings. I was married to an alcholic at one point in my life, so I can relate to you very well. I must say even tho' after all these years of being remarried I still love that man. He was wonderful when sober, but not so wonderful while drunk which became his choice all the time. I found I had to move on with my life ,& leave that chapter behind altho' it did hurt. Since he is still using, I don't believe it is healthy for you two to see each other. It will be a very hard thing for you to do, but right now he is having his cake & eating it too! Do you see where I am coming from? My past experience was if I left him maybe he would change. It doesn't work that way, & you are only torturing yourself.
If you refuse to see him you will find out what is most important to him, you or the drugs. That is my message to you. I wish you all the luck & hope in the world, & hope the best for you...
Dear so sad it hurts,
You have allready received allot of wonderful, very powerful advice. So I'm not going to step in and try and act like I'm a doctor and have my degree because I don't. But what I do have, is a very kind and loving heart. I too have been in several relationships like yours in the past... it's really scary to think about it. I wept, and I mean wept over them, and how would I make it without them. But, I, personally, came to realize... would I really be happier getting back together with this person. He promised me he would get help, but never did. He barely works. Does thes things make you happier? Do you see where I'm coming from. Is it possible that he will get better... yes. But, is it probably that he will get better??? Nobody knows. Well someone higher than us does know... everything. I just want you to make the right decision hon. I may have sounded like I was coming across harsh, but I'm the furthest thing from that.
You could say Boo to me, and I would start crying. That's how big this ole heart is. It just frusturates me when I read letters like this one. I didn't always do the right thing myself. And I suffered in the end for it. I dont want to see that happen to you. And what do you do. First of all, I would get down on my knees (or wherever) and say me a little prayer, then I would find me some kind of support system. Na,AA, oh there was a couple of others they mentioned. I personally loved AA and got to talk to people face to face, and get big hugs, and become friends, and the support was fantastic. Get out of the house, and keep yourself busy... all the time. So you won't have time to miss him.They have a saying in one of the meetings... one day at a time. That's what you have to do honey. Take it one day at a time. And I promise I didn't mean to come down so harsh. I just didnt like the fact that he did this to you. Thats all. I will pray for God to show you guidance and for him to come clean and sober, if it's meant to be. Good luck to you, and God Bless, Ruth
Dear Sad, you have to be strong you cannot go back until he stops just talking about getting help and acrtually getting it. I am so sorry you are going through this pain. You should try going some type of meeting for friends and family of narcotic abusers I think you would benefit from it. God Bless You.-k
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