He is so mean all the time its like when hes coming down from his high he will say anything to anyone and not care. When he has is fix he is ok, but i dont want a brother that is only ok when he is high. I just dont know what to do anymore it is making so much stress on our family. My mother dont listen when i tell her to just let him go and he will learn. If anyone has any advice for me plz let me know i just need some support on this whole thing
I am SO sorry to hear of your problem. As with many others in this group, I have seen too many good people wash themselves away with an addiction to the drug of choice. The pain is bad, but the addiction just makes things worse. the biggest thing to remember is that you aren't really seeing your brother. It's the drug. Like some sort of horrible mask, it intrudes itself between those you love and reality. You never get to speak to your brother, only to the drug. (And it LIES to your brother. Constantly.)
"Letting him go" rarely works. He needs help. Otherwise the monster that has him will slowly destroy everything and everyone around him. PLEASE try and get together with you family and TRY (I know it is hard!) to get him into some form of treatment. He may hate you short term, but you will be saving his life. (And your sanity.)
Hi, i am ashamed to admit that i used to be in a similar position to your brother. I had a tramadol addiction and when i look back now to how i used to behave, i was horrible. I was no fun to be with and i couldn't control my emotions, one minute i felt great and that i could do anything and i didn't care about what anyone thought about me, then i'd become very emotional and cry a lot. Depending on how many pills i'd taken and the environmental factors. I was lucky enough to have someone help me, and the only way i got to start reducing my tablets was, number 1, wanting to! and then the person helping me would take control of my tablets and give me my allotted amount each day, so i had no option of taking more. Gradually over a few months my allowance was reduced, and eventually i was weaned off.
I still had the urge to take them again after i'd stopped, but i was luckier still to be able to enter a rehab' facility for a couple of weeks at the end of last year, and through attending groups every day and having a great 'tutor', i actually realised how much harm i was doing to myself and how much i was hurting my family and friends. I realised how selfish i'd been and that guilted me in to not going back to my days of tramadol addiction. I can't say it was easy weaning off but i know it had to happen. I also know i couldn't have done it alone. Things were pretty bad, but even though i hated people nagging me at times, if those people weren't there to care i would never have stopped.
Addiction is a very cunning and baffling disease, if you will. Your brother needs help and until he is willing to admit this and follow through there is little you can do except not enable him as you alluded to with your mother. Let him suffer the consequences of his behavior and don't try to make it easier on him. Tough love is very hard but very necessary.
To learn about addiction and helping a love one try the following site:
They have counselors that will talk to you over the phone and help you with this difficult situation.
If you need someone to talk to, please stay in touch,
I know it's heartbreaking to see a loved one in the grips of addiction, and the effect on the entire family is tremendous. First off, I'd strongly suggest you attend some meetings of Alanon or Naranon - these are the 12-step programs designed specifically for the loved ones of alcoholics/addicts. (Alanon's meetings are more widespread, and don't be put off by whether the loved one is addicted to alcohol or to drugs - as it's all the same disease.) You'll gain a lot of support and guidance through these programs.
Secondly, I think Laurie already mentioned in her post about allowing the addicts to feel the consequences of their actions. (I can't read her post while submitting a response, but I think it was her!) This is essential. When the loved ones around an addict try to "fix" the problems, oftentimes, what they're doing is actually prolonging the drug use. When family provides any kind of help to the addict - be it a roof over their head or transportation or money, food or any number of other things - that is enabling them to continue to use.
One of the greatest gifts that the loved ones can give to the addict is to allow the addict to fully experience the consequences of their drug use. In Alanon or Naranon, this is known as "detaching - with love." The more a person experiences how their life is being affected by the drug use, the sooner they can hit bottom and seek out help. But as long as there are others who will make their life easier, they continue in their insanity.
I was the addict in my family - and my drug use stopped when my parents stopped helping me financially and with child care for my daughter. The more they put my problem back into my hands - the sooner I sought out help.
I have a few questions if its OK? Have you looked up the difference between, tolerance, dependence, physical dependence and also a little on how certain medicines substitute for what is not there in the body and what it may need? What conditions does he have? And what types of medications does he take? Are they prescribed or street? I would love to try to help. What is his height and weight, and (BMI) or body fat % ? Hang in there.
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