My husband is an addict, he is a once in a while dope user and pothead. He has been struggling to be in recovery and has been going to meetings daily yet he still is using. Today my 13 yr old looked in his wallet and it was empty. It wasn't much but his innocence was stolen, not his money. What makes it worse is that he is such a loving kind warm dad, which is why I find it so vile. I reached a level of sadness today that scares me because I can actually see myself causing him physical harm. I am a spiritual person and a strong believer of karma. Maintaining positive energy is important to me, yet I feel like I am surrounded by negative energy. I have tremendous regret for allowing/enabling him to put our family in this position. Today, I doubt my worth as a mother because in trying to be a supportive wife and having endless belief in someone who does nothing to earn it, my son was hurt. This weekend, I told him his addiction was becoming unmanageable for me. I wasn't trying to kick him out as he has not a friend left in the world since he has isolated himself and has no family to turn to. I told him i was at peace with the decisions he was making, that it was his life to live and if he wants to spend it being high then it is his choice but not one that I can live with. I can't go through these intermittent withdrawals and roller coaster or the endless lies. But he swore to me he was done, he surrenders, he can't live this way and a part of me believes he means it but he can't/won't do it. It is devastating. My life has been horribly affected by drugs and I am not an addict and I can't take the chance that my son will suffer my same fate now that he no longer is young enough to accept crazy excuses about why his dad isn't home. I am so consumed with betrayal and hate today that I keep praying for peace and forgiveness but I can't forgive him and my family is over and I am so very very bitter inside. I never want to see him again for I fear what I may do. I feel on the edge of insanity myself tonight and who can I possibly turn to talk about this without feeling deep deep shame. I suspended his cell phone service because I didn't want to call/text a million times or play detective and check every call he makes, minute by minute. For what? He will do whatever he wants to do anyway and there isn't anything that will change that and today he stole from his namesake and a part of me as an optimist, believer, hopeless fool, has died and I don't know how anyone can come out of this without being filled with rage.
I wish I had some words that would make this situation better. I can only encourage you to attend some alanon or nar anon meetings, the sister group to AA or NA. You need the support of fellow loved-ones of the addict. Practicing your own 12 step program is critical to dealing with the resentment that may build from your husband's habits. There is also ala teen for young people to learn to cope with addiction of family members. Below are some links to find meetings near you:
Ala teen addresses problem drinking but the principles are the same whether alcohol or drugs.
It is most important that you and your son deal with your feelings so to not build resentment. Taking care of yourself is critical, not selfish. Your husband needs to practice his own program and find a sponsor, if he hasn't already. We are here for you and will support you anyway possible,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please know that I'm not being judgmental or cruel, but what he did was unacceptable by stealing from him son. And, it will only get worse until he hits bottom, and we can never predict where that will be. My son knew what was going on from the time he was 3, so please don't fool yourself about trying to hold together a family that has an outsider living amongst them (the addict). Your husband is not the person you married right now. The fact that he has no friends & has isolated is NOT your problem. But, you've taken it on. Its his responsibility to reconnect with life. Don't beat yourself up. Its very tough for the non-addict to understand the addict. You were being supportive & loving, but its gone beyond that now, and I think you know it. You realize what the situation is now, and the continued enabling will allow the behavior to continue & get worse. I'm not trying to sound negative, but the drug is very negative energy. Please, at least consider taking a good, hard look at this before anyone, particularly your son, is hurt any further. My entire family has been through 30 years of this. Two parents who were not alcoholics/addicts, with 3 children that were (all in recovery now, thank God). But, my son is 27 now, a wonderful man. I know I hurt him before I got sober. Good luck & God Bless. There are many here for you. Jillian
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