My husband is an addict, he is a once in a while dope user and pothead. He has been struggling to be in recovery and has been going to meetings daily yet he still is using. Today my 13 yr old looked in his wallet and it was empty. It wasn't much but his innocence was stolen, not his money. What makes it worse is that he is such a loving kind warm dad, which is why I find it so vile. I reached a level of sadness today that scares me because I can actually see myself causing him physical harm. I am a spiritual person and a strong believer of karma. Maintaining positive energy is important to me, yet I feel like I am surrounded by negative energy. I have tremendous regret for allowing/enabling him to put our family in this position. Today, I doubt my worth as a mother because in trying to be a supportive wife and having endless belief in someone who does nothing to earn it, my son was hurt. This weekend, I told him his addiction was becoming unmanageable for me. I wasn't trying to kick him out as he has not a friend left in the world since he has isolated himself and has no family to turn to. I told him i was at peace with the decisions he was making, that it was his life to live and if he wants to spend it being high then it is his choice but not one that I can live with. I can't go through these intermittent withdrawals and roller coaster or the endless lies. But he swore to me he was done, he surrenders, he can't live this way and a part of me believes he means it but he can't/won't do it. It is devastating. My life has been horribly affected by drugs and I am not an addict and I can't take the chance that my son will suffer my same fate now that he no longer is young enough to accept crazy excuses about why his dad isn't home. I am so consumed with betrayal and hate today that I keep praying for peace and forgiveness but I can't forgive him and my family is over and I am so very very bitter inside. I never want to see him again for I fear what I may do. I feel on the edge of insanity myself tonight and who can I possibly turn to talk about this without feeling deep deep shame. I suspended his cell phone service because I didn't want to call/text a million times or play detective and check every call he makes, minute by minute. For what? He will do whatever he wants to do anyway and there isn't anything that will change that and today he stole from his namesake and a part of me as an optimist, believer, hopeless fool, has died and I don't know how anyone can come out of this without being filled with rage.