my husband has Alzheimers,I feel like I am going to have a breakdown.I have medical issues of my own but his children are not here and I have to deal alone.yes there is a support group but every ones spouse is at a dif. Stage.mine is at the I don't have it angry stage.I live on a tiny island and it is hard to honour his privacy and maintain my sanity.any advice would be much appreciated.if you are dealing with any of my issues and this disease with your spouse please tell me how you do without blowing it.thanx for listening.
boy do i feel bad for you living on a tiny island and can't get away. Yes i am always angry anymore as i have no help my husband doesn't want to hear me bitching anymore so i just go to my room and cry a lot as i have so many problems and my daughter-in-law won't let me see my grandkids i just want to fall asleep and not wake up. Can you get a caretaker to come in and help you as i use to do that for a living through social services. you need to get away and have some time for yourself. how bad is your husband??? get back to me Leron
Loren and candbeseen, I fell so bad for you both! I honestly can't say I know how u feel but I really do hope you get help. My heart is breaking for both of you. Candbeseen do try to call your insurance and ask them if they can help get some at home care so you can get a break. I know its not his fault but its not yours that u need a break from it either! See if there are any social service agents in your area like loren said. Loren you shouldn't have to be alone in your room crying. Wht isn't your hubby there to hold you. You deserve someone to be there for you hun. I hope soon you wont need to be held. But I'm sorry for this statement but I do hope he mans up and takes care of you like you should be. I'm glad to be here if you need someone don't be alone dear its to much for you to deal with by yourself. I wish you both better happier days you desrve it. Jaime
My mom's cousin just went through this and she is a tiny woman. She insisted on being her husband's sole provider and caregiver. Finally, it got to the point that they had to call someone in to help out. This gave her a chance to get out and do some grocery shopping or just have a cup of tea with some friends. She wouldn't stay long, though. For some reason this disease seems to carry with it a sense of guilt. I am so sorry that you are feeling stuck and wish that you could check with your insurance. You need to take care of YOU also. And, try and get some care set in motion now so when you do have someone come help, he can learn who they are and not be fearful. I remember Ken being so upset whenever someone that he didn't remember came over. He was so afraid that they were intruders. Made it much harder on Jo. :(
My very best to you!,
Dear Candbessen... I am not going through your situation but I do have a few suggestions. First I would like to know why his children cannot help with any of this?? I know they do not live where u live but they DO need to take some responsibility. This is THEIR FATHER. I know it is easier to deal with the situation for them because they are not there... therefore it is easier. Out of sight out of mind as the saying goes. When my mom was very sick and my dad could not handle her care because He was a bit demented the five of us children took turns going there every weekend to help out. Are they able to help out financially to hire help to help you? This is what u need honey. You NEED relief or you r going to make yourself even sicker than u are. U need to have a conference call with the kids to explain the situation. The answer "no" from them CANNOT be an option. This is not fair for you.
Does your tiny island have an altzheimers day care? This would also be of help to you.
As far as his anger... I am sure that u know that there r certain times of the day that some of these negative behaviors occur. If u could organize his schedule around his behavior so as to possibly avoid it. Lastly, u may need to add or take away some of his medications to be able to control his anger and to help him and therefore you to be able to get some sleep. First and foremost though, get those kids to help out. They MUST... no other answer should be acceptable.
I will keep un my prayers dear that your life with dealing with this horrible disease of your husband might become more manageable and that u will get the rest and relief that u so desperately need.
I am so so sorry for your situation and wish there was more that I could do for you. The only thing I have left is prayer and I most certainly will do that. Pup
I am so very sorry for the position you now find yourself in. I can offer support and that's about it. If ever you need to vent, THIS is the place to do that venting. Perhaps his children should be vented UPON??
Don't go completely OFF on them though. But do ask WHEN they can help and not IF. Someone else said that, yet I know not whom it was. (sorry for not giving credit where credit is due)
My stepfather died of a similar disease (I suspect it was NPH) and he was put in a nursing facility soon after his diagnoses. He became combative and violent with my mum, so he had to go live elsewhere. She tried very hard to take care of him on her own, yet it was fruitless.
A sad situation indeed. You DO need help!!
Is there an Adult Day Care on your wee Island? I agree with leron and jaime and Jilly about finding someone from social services!! That may help a bit.
And as pup said, let him get to know any future caregiver now, so he won't be frightened of that person when the time comes.
Best wishes to you and your hubby, you will be in my thoughs,
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