facet arthritis, scoliosis, bursitis,TMJ, the list goes on... - especially after i was left on my own after 25yrs. of marriage. my illnesses and the many drugs i must take to try and control the pain have made it nearly impossible to get out and believe that there are people out there that might want to be involved with me. i need people in my life and i want to be needed right back... to feel like i have a purpose again. i feel so lost and i need to turn this around but don't know how - especially with so much pain. please help me and give me suggestions. i need help on so many levels. i want to be part of life again. i'm so tired of my life being about my problems and pain. i am more than a sick person... i miss having fun and laughing - even just walking my dog! is there anyone out in albuquerque, n.m that might read this and want to respond?? there are so many folks on this site that have awful illness - how do you all deal with the loss of life?? i absolutely need help. please help me! p.s. - i am not religiously oriented - but i do have a spiritual side. please.
One way is to make friends here - online. That way you can "talk" when you feel comfortable and in the comfort of your home. There are a lot of people here on this site that really care, and I find that I can use my experiences to help others by answering questions. I hope to see you here more - it's a great group of people -
Hi Raven, I can certainly empathize with your situation. I am still married, but my husband has more physical problems than I, & he's not a talker either. I make myself walk my dog every morning unless it's pouring down rain or icy! My doctors do not even want me walking right now because my bones are so brittle, but if I don't I would completely lose it! It is hard to make friends when you feel so bad all the time. I have actually made several really good friends by walking my dog. One neighbor has a dog & our "dogs" are best friends & have to see each other every day! Another neighbor is elderly (more so than I) & she walks a mile every morning, & she loves my dog too. On & on all around the block. I have developed a lot of friends,& people I can check up on too. Helps keep my mind occupied & off my own problems. I know how hard it is believe me.
Exercise is actually the best thing for Fibromyalgia, & no I am not an exercise freak. Just my walk each day. You can also do some volunteering maybe? I have friended you if you want to talk to me in private just click on the reindeer head of mine. It will take you to my profile & will ask you if you want to friend me. Once that's done you can send me a personal question. I do hope things can turn around for you. This is a wonderful support community for all kinds of pain & a good ole' venting system too if you need it. Maybe some of your experiences will help someone else. Tis a good feeling believe me. Til later...
I met peple through a support group that my physocologist runs. I was seeing him for individual therapy for dealing with my chronic pain when he saked if I wanted to join a group for chronic pain. I was sceptical but I joined anyway and loved it. I forced myself to go even on my worst days and I'm so glad I did!
Hi raven! I'm so very sorry to hear about your situation & pain.
I don't have a large social network presently due to the fact that I stay inside my house most of the time because of my current health issues. My better half does all the cooking & shopping & all household chores. Dave & I just found out the other day that he'll be returning to work on modified duties in October. Dave had been home 2 years after a quadruple by-pass operation. Neither of us are feeling very prepared about it at this point. :(
One of the positive things (for me) that I've done is connecting with people on this website, Drugs.com. I consider my friends & collaborators here as if they are my family. I've also "met" many people playing online computer games on Pogo.com. I have an awesome support group there with over 200 friends. I was shocked to discover how many have pain & health concerns! Pogo games players can be from all over the world. Since I'm home all the time, I can pick & choose when I want to play & what I want to play & sometimes even with whom I want to play. I have the power, baby, yeah!!! LOL
I use these computer games as part of my physical therapy. I badly needed some stimulation to kickstart my old brain cells. I had trouble focussing & remembering things. I'm so pleased with my progress after a few months! I've learned people's names, how to play different games & how to do computer chatting. Also, my left hand is partially numb so I practice my keyboarding skills while playing Pogo & I'm much improved now. I gravitate toward people who like laughing & joking since I know LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE! :D
I find playing Pogo very relaxing & enjoyable; it's a great de-stressor!
In addition, I've volunteered to help with proofing a community website. I have the freedom to do that from my home as often as I'm able & whenever I want.
If I was able to do physical activites, I would look at what I like doing & then start from there. Due to the economy & lack of funding, most organizations need volunteer help more than ever before. I love driving so when I'm better perhaps I'll be a volunteer driver with the Cancer Society. Volunteering will give you a good feeling & boost your self esteem! :)
raven, Mary had suggested walking as an easy & beneficial exerise to do. I totally agree! On so many levels, it's an extremely helpful activity!
My final suggestion is to get family, friends & neighbours involved. My friend drops by every week for 10 or 15 minutes after her Weight Watchers meeting is over. You can email, phone, instant message, write letters or use social networks such as twitter & facebook. Try to look at this time of your life in a positive light! We are so very blessed to have all this extra time! That's what many people would want today, extra time to do things & spend with their families & not have to be looking at the clock. So, you didn't know how rich you really were, eh, raven? HA HA HA
What makes you happy? Which activities or hobbies do you like to do? Look at your wants & likes & then try to make them fit within your current lifestyle. What can I do today? What can I accomplish? Perhaps it's time for you to write that novel you've been putting off, or learning a new language, or updating your computer skills, or tutoring a school kid, or...
raven, please remember: YOU'VE GOT THE POWER, BABY!!! YEAH!
I wish you all the best! Feel free to add me to your friends list if you wish.
from Wendy :)
Hi I'm in my 40's and have RA, FM, and feel like crap most of the time I have just moved to the country for my husbands work. I know nobody here and I can't work as I never know what I'll be like, I have been here nearly three years and I met a gorgeous lady who's 82yrs young who vollunteers at the hospital (she's just lovely) and it's lovely to speak to someone even though we arn't the same age group. I'm married but lonely too and sick etc, I have been sick for 130+ days and the Dr just told me after doing tests, I have tested positive to Epstein Barr, Ross River and CMV viruses, I don't feel like doing anything most of the time but I can suggest trying volunteering 1 day a week, somewhere based on if you can make it (due to health that day) very casual arrangement and you will get to see, speak to, get out of house, make friends, etc...
I have just started but needed to stop at the moment loads of ear, throat etc infections but I'm sure it is a positive thing to do and giving back to society helps you feel good about yourself too... Much positive vibes your way good luck XXXX and hugs we all need them!!
Raven, I read your comment 3 times, but I didn't read all the other comments that I know are great, caring advise because that what this group is. My heart goes out to you. I had a short marriage and it was 13 years before I would let myself care about anyone else. I had all my
illnesses, but I was still able to go all the time. What I learned between marriages is that until I could truly love myself again that I couldn't love anyone else. So, my advise to you is to learn to love you! It doesn't matter what you look like, how you feel, or any of those things, who are you on the inside? That is what will draw other people to you. God is how I turned my life back around. I was raise in a very Christian home, but after my divorce I ran away from God and everyone else. Years later God began to slowly work on me, and I went home to see my mother and she talked me into going to church with her that night. In two months I had met the wonderful man I have been married to for 21 years. We are best friends and cannot live without each other. He is also beginning to have some health problems which have helped him understand how I have felt for many years! I pray that you will realize how special you are! God made us unique in every way and you are very precious to him, so let's try to turn that thinking into positive thoughts about how lucky someone would be to have you! And when you start feeling good about yourself you will find the rest will follow automatically! My job for years was motivating other people in sales. We used to get index cards and write ourselves motivational things on them and put them on your bathroom mirror, the fridge, wherever you will see them. When I would go through a self conscious period, I would write that I looked great that day, or I was the best at my job, etc. This may sound silly, but if you tell yourself something enough you will begin to believe it!
I understand several of your statements. 1) I, too, go stir crazy after a bit. and 2) you are in fear of not being liked.
Just this past Saturday I was thinking... I absolutely LOVE this site and all of the friends I have made here. And, I will continue coming here because we all have at least ONE thing in common and we all care and empathize with those here. HOWEVER, I was also starting to feel like I was inundating my brain with the overwhelming number of hurting people. Don't misread this... I am on this site because I WANT/NEED to be here and because even tho I've only been here just shy of 3 weeks, I have made VERY VALUABLE friends already. My point is, sometimes we need a break from focusing on our pain. It is very important to take a break from you. I suggest you find somewhere where you can volunteer. Give of yourself. You would be oh so amazed at the joy that brings to others and in so helping them, it will honestly and truly help you! sorta paying it forward in a sense.
By doing this you will have accomplished the two things that I started this post with. you will find you are out of the house, and you will find that you truly are a person of worth and value, because people need people. (I am picturing a rest home environment for some reason.) There are so many elderly that do not get to see their families either near enough or nearly EVER! Oh the hugs you will get once you have met these lovely ppl. And, what a blessing to them to know they have not been forgotten! It's a win/win. :)
And, on the days it is simply not possible to get out, due to pain, weather, and in the evenings (or mornings) when you come here... you always, ALWAYS have US!! :) :)
And, we love to hear positive stories. We are an ear/shoulder for you assuredly for when you are down, but what if... one day you got to come here and share what "ole Betty did today!" stories?? love given, love received!
Hang in there, Raven. I'm rooting for ya !!
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