Sorry,brief history first.I have been a career addict starting from soft to hard drugs since I was 16 years old.Twenty three years ago.Climbed the narco ladder to become a fully fledged smack head by the time I was 19 yrs old.Big man,Jack the Lad or so I thought.Its amazing how we suffer for the choices we made and God knows I have been through the mill.Lost it all many times over,just clinging on to the remnants of an existence.
Any about 5 yrs ago I was put on Suboxone tablets starting off at 32 mg.That was reduced some time later to 16 mg where I remained for over 4 yrs.Personally I thought that was excessive and reduced myself down to 8 mg over the last year or so down to 4 mg.My prescribing doctor obviously did not like this and I was honest enough to tell him what I was doing and also that I had a surplus of tablets at home.His argument is that he is the professional and anything less than 8 mg daily is not a therapeutic dosage.I argued that taking so much had side effects and affected my job.Obviously our argument meant that the guy took a dislike to me and every time I went to see him he tried to scold me like a child.Eventually last Monday,my last visit,I told him that our business together had concluded and I would do my detox my way.They had tried detoxing me before Xmas and I failed about two weeks into a taper down method.Lack of sleep and rattling at work meant that unfortunately I got high on my own supply.
Since Monday morning and popping a 4mg tablet I have had nothing.That was almost 48 hrs ago.Its now 6.40 am and I have been up all night.My symptoms are manageable but I know that worse is in the post.The problem I have is that I ground up all my stash of subs and washed them down the drain in a moment of bravado.My plan was to just jump into the pain,cold turkey.I have got a dozen or so 0.4mg tablets left which I have not yet touched.If there is still anybody awake after reading my war and piece post,plz could you advise me what I am better off doing.Carrying on as I am or using what I have left to try and taper down?I am prepared to handle what we call the rattle and have taken a break from work in order to get my head right.
Thanks for your patience and any advice.