called depression or anxiety or chemical imbalance. I can't feel so why should I live. Why my children need an unhappy mom to make them unhappy too. I cant go even at the park with them (even though a year ago I was going at every corner of Toronto alone with them). My doc added wellbutrin 300mg to the effexor and I'm worse... I;m crying three times a day... I might be successful at my work how about my life... I;m going to the gym 3 times a week... I'm sorry waht can you do to escape from the zombie feeling... I'm telling my mother why should I suffer for them.I think it will be easier if they see me dead - dead than dead-alive... I saw a chinese doc who within 5 minutes was able to find what I have--- brain dysfunction--- chemical imbalance--- high anxiety- alot of stress--- my blood circulation very poor and hormonal imbalance. He believes he can help with chinese medicine..okay lets try even that... I have checked my hormones and there are at normal, but if the normal is lets say 100-300 I am at 100. My feet are hurting... I cant I go on feeling like a zombie...
NO you can't go on feeling like a zombie!!! I know that feeling and it sux!!
But please have the ovaries to do something about this!! It takes guts to stick it out gurl, you can do it. Think of your children, motherless! You can fight this battle, but you must grab the bull by the horns!!! (ok so I mixed my metaphors) Don't give up, that is the cowardly way out.
Go to your local ER if you want to end your life, they can help you!!!
Please post again,
Hey Eleng, Please be careful with herbal supplements when you are on rx antidepressants, they often warn people not to mix the 2. It sounds like you could be in perimenopause or menopause, and the hormones can fluctuate, show normal one day, bottom out the next, and those will definitely cause crying jags and it also sound like you may be suffering from something called Anhedonia, that is a form of depression where you experience NO pleasure from anything. I know you are trying to get fixed, but you may need to add some specialists to the doctors you are seeing, or switch to the specialists.Counselors are really good at helping sort out what should be tackled first, they are good for resources, and they add much needed support. We are happy to support you here, but you need someone much closer to home too.
If there are some good psychiatrists who are in your area that you can get in with about the antidepressants, that would be helpful. The reason I say psychiatrist is that they deal with the psychiatric meds much better, I saw you are in Toronto, I am not sure how quickly you could get in, or how often you could be seen, but if you can find a Psychiatrist who can work with an OB/GYN who specializes in hormonal imbalances, they may can get hormones added and change of adjust the dose of the anti d's you are already on. Even a fertility specialist Ob-gyn or endocrinologist can help, the crazy hormone fluxes will actually produce most of the feelings and symptoms you are having. The anti d's sometimes need time to work(6 to 8) weeks or they may need adjusting. I am super sensitive to them myself, there are only 2 in weak doses that work on me and produce the effect they were designed for. If i take the ones like effexor, which control 2 brain chemicals, even on the half dose starter dose, it produces mania in me, I am not manic. The wellbutrin did not do well with me either personally, it seemed to cause it as well, and I have NEVER been manic. You can just quit those meds tho, they have to be tapered off of, even just to lower the dose, that is where the psychiatrist would help. A counselor could help guide you and add that support, and we would love to help here, let us know what we can do, new friend, Pattishan
I'm so sorry that you are not feeling any better. I have been thinking about you and praying for you. You really need to get yourself into counseling along with the psychiatrist you are seeing. When is your next appointment with the psychiatrist? Please give them a call and let them know how you are feeling. You need to be seen asap. Ask the psychiatrist to set you up an appointment with a good therapist. You need to address these feelings and do so soon. I agree this has been going on too long.
Your children and your husband need you whether it feels like it or not. You are going to have to fake it until you get the help you need. It is possible that the Chinese medicine will help BUT you can not mix herbal remedies with the medications you are taking. Herbs can be very powerful medicines themselves and can interact with the medications you already take. You can not just stop the antidepressants either. Please be careful with this approach.
Please get yourself into the doctor asap or go to the emergency room if you are trying to hurt yourself. You can not ignore this any longer. Take a stand with the doctor and let them know exactly how poorly you are doing. You may still benefit from the Wellbutrin as the dosage was just upped but I still think this has gone on too long. The Effexor should be working better. Crying several times a day and feeling like a zombie is indicative of depression, as you know, and needs to be addressed by the doctor. Tell the office exactly what is going on and demand that you be seen.
We care and want the very best for you, please write me soon and let me know what you get worked out with the doctor and setting up a therapist,
you know I have read this and I can't go any further without letting you know that you are having a rough time right now but I'm sure you have heard give the medication more time, sometimes things get worse before they get better, I wonder even though we are different in so many ways we are similar with the things we experience, I went through a period of time in my life when I dealt with having to go to the doctor twice a week I took shots to try and balance things out, I also had stress, high anxiety, panic attacks to be honest I wondered if I would ever come out of it, There are a lot of caring compassionate people on this site, I care what happens to you and even though it may seem that way your children would not be better off without you! things seem worse right now but please hang in there!!! please keep us posted
And hello to you eleng. Really feel for you that you are in such a bad way. This might sound as old news, a broken record, but I can honestly say, that things will become better for you. It will happen for you. I know it will. You have so much going for you, reading your story. Your kids must think the world of you. And you of them. When we hurt, as you are doing now, the days seem to always be plain rotten. And they most certainly are. Yet, given time, because time will help you, time changes moods, our way of thinking. What perhaps seems impossible today, or what might seem forever, will most definetly change for you. I wonder, do you have a mental health aide? Or is your md. perscribing you your medication. The reason I ask is simply that you do not have to do it alone. Most people, need a support system, I mean, its ok to want to need help from others. Perfectly normal.
Most every person, that I have come into contact with, be it say, as an out-patient of a hospital/institution, in-patient, or outside the hospital area, seeing a private therapist. I'll share this with you, one point of my life where I was perhaps also at my wits end. It was back in 1980 and I was being detoxed, in a hospital of course, off of xanax. I had a seizure, which cost me the ability to talk, it was truly awfull. Point being, I like most everyone, was working, a home etc what would the future be? The speech came back. It took some time though. And lots of heart ache. No poor me here. I came out of it, as through other bad times of my life, Please eleng, no what I call "stinking thinking", no need to think of ending your life. You have only one chance at it, in this world at least, so, its precious, as we all are. Everyone in our world is a gift. You, me the people here throughout the forums , as is your family. They love you and need you as you love and need them. Truly so you know. Hoping thyat by reading this, and the help that is given by others here, may brighten up your day. You deserve it you know! Take care now,
I'm so sorry you are feeling the way you do. I can relate, seems like nothing helps. Please think of kids and family, they want you and need you. Thats what keeps me going, I have not been out of the house in over 2 wks. I have to make myself do things. I had been laying on the couch so long now I have no energy. So I have decieded enough, go up and started doing things and sit and rest and get back up. You are here for a reason, don't think we all don't understand because we do. Hang in there, I will be praying for you! Talk to your doctor and MAKE him listen!!! Thats what I do. Stay strong!!!
You will sissy, eventually you will get better and see that light out there and be yourself again! I know you can do it! You know it will never be easier for us the other way... you know that!!! Everybody loves you and you have all the support of these wonderful people who have been through the same pain! Please be patient..few more weeks till we be there for you... can you... please??? Together we'll put everything in order, you'll see. And your little ones need you like the earth needs the sun, like the flowers need water... please don't ask me for a reason... YOU ARE THE REASON, you rock their world; you are their greatest love, and there is no doubt in that!!! You're a great mom... a great person; I pray someday you'll realize that too!!! Love you immensly!!!
eleng, you sound just like my ex daughter in law. She suffered all these same symptoms for years. First they said it was pre-menstral depression, then they said it post menstral depression. I can't even remember all the things they tried to tell her was wrong, but she finally got to the right doctor, & had to have a hysterectomy, yeah no kidding, but it has helped her tremendously. She even divorced my son she was in such a state about her life. Now she regrets it, but is going on with her life. There has to be an answer as to why you are having these problems. Please don't give up. I have read all the responses here, & you have a lot of people that care about you. Please don't give up. I don't have clinical depression, but I have my days just like everyone else. My husband is a bipolar manic depressed person so I do know what you are going thru.
He has tried to commit suiside so many times, & failed. The last time they didn't think he would make it. It was so horrible for his daughter. She just sobbed & sobbed for days til we knew he would be ok. You have kids, & no matter what you think they would NOT be better off without you. It would be devastating to them believe me I've seen it. Good luck to you girl. We don't know each other to well yet, but the people I've met on this site have been so helpful & caring, I hope to get to know each & everyone of them including you. So please don't do anything foolish just yet. I need you too...
I want you to know that I am sure I am not the only person but I continue to think about you today, I wanted to just drop you this note to allow you to know that Icared yesterday and I still care about how you are doing! I have friended you so I just want you to know if you ever feel like you need a friend to talk with I can always listen. Caringsonbj (Billy)
Hey,I am sorry for the hurt you are going through. Just stop and think. What would this do to your children. My mother tried to kill herself years ago and thank god someone found her. I have talked to her about the way she felt and you know what? She said, that it just was not the right thing to do. If you hurt that bad, I suggest you go to the hospital and tell them that you want to die. That is not the answer. I suffer from depression and anxity disorders, plus good old panic attacks. I am getting better. I think it is because I am fighting to get well. This is for my child and my grandchild. I have to think of them. It gets me through all the crap that bothers me. You can do it. If you want to get better you can fight like hell and heal yourself. You just have to find the fight with in you. Please think of what I am telling you. You are not alone, remember all of us on this website have problems, please think about what that would do to your children and family.
I am 55 and I am still upset about what my mother tried to do. I know the hurt you are feeling , but please don't let that hurt beat you down. Please stay in touch and I am here like everyone else. You are not alone.
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