... writing for advice because I am at my wits end, and don't know what to think. My boyfriend of 3 years and best fried for much longer is addicted to Dilauded. It started last June and came to a head in Dec when I found him in the bathroom with a needle in his arm after he'd sworn to me that he had stopped. I have to say that I think I was aware of everything all along, but choosing not to see it because it hurt too much. He is the 3rd man I have been with who has an opiate addiction, and I know the signs all too well. He has gone through detox with suboxone and is now just coming out of the depression that follows. It's been so nice to finally have him back!
Last weekend his brother came to visit us. The brother is also struggling with his own opiate addiction. He uses herion and sells just about any other kind of pain pill that is out there.I think it was bad timing having him in our house when life here has just barely started to normalize. I know his brother was using while he was here. I asked him to keep it out of sight because I didn't want to have to be around it, and he said he would- - although there were still random q-tips all over the house by the time he left.
Anyway, the day his brother left I found my boyfriend in bathroom again with a rope tied around his arm. He immediately tried to hide it by shoving it under a magazine. I looked under the magazine and found a spoon and needle there as well. He swears that it was his brothers stuff that he left behind and that he really was only using the rope to look at his veins to see if they had healed at all over the last months. He showed me his arms, and I didn't see any obvious signs that he'd been using, but it is hard to tell because his old track marks are still pretty visible. I don't know what to believe. Honestly, I don't believe him at all. I am guessing that he didn't actually go through with it because I caught him in the act and then threw everything in the garbage, but I think he was about to relapse. I let him believe that he convinced me only because I am so fucking tired of this.
He is now out of town for the next 10 days for work. I called him last night and told him I didn't believe his stories, and that it did'nt matter, because I wasn't going to argue with him about it anymore. I just needed him to know that Imdidn't believe him. I know he is upset and angry with me now, and I'm just not sure what to do. Can anyone out there give me some advice? He is now not returning my phone calls. I want him back the way he was, and I know that will take a long time. How can I show him that I am not judging him. I totally understand that people relapse. That is not what I'm upset about. I'm upset about the lies and deceit. I don't need him to lie to protect me. It only makes me trust him less. I love this man so much, and I want to help, but I also know that there's nothing I can do. He has to do it himself.
Help! Any feed back is welcome!