I am a recovering heroin addict... we've all been through hell and back this site is meant for information and support not degredation and insecurity. Anyways, for anyone that can answer/help/even just read my post. I am getting into the middle stage of my recovery after finally racking up some clean time *note clean time does not equal recovery* as well as some new sober thinking. My gf of about 2 years(excluding few month break due to my using) has been with me through thick and thin. She left me because of my addiction a few years ago after endless attepmts to help. I finally submitted myself to my higher power and sought treatment and since proving my serious attempt to get sober she has given me another chance. This girl is amazing. She's strong, stern, supportive yet amazingly kind, beautiful, intelligent, and hilarious(deadpan comedy). I love her more than anything on this wonderful earth. So far I have been doing pretty well in recovery. Also I am on suboxone maintenance so not completley clean but quite close to sober and definitley much better than using. She has been very supportive and is not afraid to call me on my lies, bullshit, and behaviors characteristic of using. I realize that she truly cares because she will do anything to ensure my recovery even at the sacrifice of her own happiness. This speaks volumes of her character. I will admit she has had no real male figure that has loved or supported her and I was raised as a caregiver. I would give anything and everything for her which brings me to the point of my rambling. Should I let her go just in case I cannot pull through in the end. We are both determined to marry and start a family together, but I don't want to even risk the chance of her ending up miserable because of my problems. I do agree that true love is assisting your loved one with his/her troubles at all costs and all sacrifice, but I cannot and will not allow her to suffer which honestly has made me realize while typing. I can and will stay clean not only for myself but for my beautiful fiance whom I would be honored to make my wife as soon as she is ready. I hope this post brings hope to any that falter. I was at the bottom. I paid my dues. I brought upon my own rapture, however, I realized that hiding and escaping will never compare to experiencing reality as well as hurt and anguish. Without these pains the wonder and pure ecstasy(damn a fatty triple stack would be nice right now haha*damn my mind*) of loving and living wouldn't exist. I pray for every addict out there. As we have all existed in the same form. Pm me with any questions or concerns I am willing to help anyone in need.
Ps. For those of you with friends and fmaily that support you. Thank them after reading this. Squeeze them tightly and explain to them that without them you wouldn't be making a better life. Peace and god blesS
Also checkout n.a. it could inspire and save you as it did me.
Brother/sponsor if you read this. I love ya man. You picked me up from the bottom and we shall thrive at the top