... stay home with them and love every minute of it. I am very tired and in lots of pain from a c6c7 herniated disk I was just told I have. When I told him he said well I am really worried about my neck it hurts when I sleep. I wish I could sleep with my bad headaches I am awake all night. What do I do? I feel so alone and so sacred. Should I get the steroid shots?
Herniated disc - Anyone know how to get my husband to care that I am in pain. We have 4 kids and I?
- Asked
- 10 Jul 2013 by hockeymom719
- Updated
- 23 February 2015
- Topics
- pain, herniated disc
Details:
Responses (5)
sara12345
10 Jul 2013
I think that you need to be very honest with your husband about your pain, including that you've had headaches every day for the last 2 years. He can't understand about your pain if you don't firmly tell him about how much pain that you're in. So stop with the not telling him. And if you're not up to doing your normal daily routine, then don't press yourself. Tell your husband that your pain is too bad to do everything. No one knows about your pain except you. If he still doesn't understand, you should get him to go to one of your doctor appointments for the doctor to explain about your pain. Or you could try to get him to have therapy with you. If he still doesn't get it, he's a selfish jerk. That's the truth and you do hear about some of these jerks on here. If you get so tired of him not treating you well, you can get support payments from him and you may be happier living without him.
MacIntosh12
10 Jul 2013
Hi hockeymom,
Sara gave you some good advice.
I would think you could ask your PC Physician to get you into a pain management doctor, to begin physical therapy and maybe some medication to see if that helps your neck any. It just may work. If not, you've nothing to lose.
About your husband, I don't know what you can do with the exception of taking him with you to physical therapy, maybe he can get a bit of a clue from going with you and looking at your X-rays. Are you depressed? You sound a bit down, which can easily happen when in pain, especially chronic, 24/7 pain that never lets up. You may be asked to try an antidepressant or to see a psych doc about your mood. If you are awake all night because of pain you may be given medication for that as well. Muscle Relaxers work quite well for neck pain caused by (obviously!) muscle aches.
MacIntosh12
10 Jul 2013
Hockeymom,
I don't know if I've gotten your info correct, please clarify something for me?
You told your husband about your neck and his response was to tell you that HIS neck hurt, do I have that right? Or have I read your query incorrectly?
IF that was indeed his response he seems quite puerile, how juvenile can a husband become! If I, however, misread your question I apologize for the puerile remark. He needs to see all your x-rays and medical documentation!
Lara
hockeymom719
10 Jul 2013
No you read that right. I told him about my neck and that they found out my disk was in fact herniated and they may have figured out why I have been having headaches (bc my neck is straight) and he said well my neck hurts when I wake up, I am worried about that can you talk to your Dr about me. Anyway, I am on Valum and percoset and I still can't sleep. I am trying to get to a dr now but who knows how long that is going to take. Anyway thanks. Have a great day!!
Dumpster Diver
11 Jul 2013
Hi hockeymom, sounds like you are going 'thru quite a rough patch. I do
understand pain 24/7, but have no experience with herniated disks.
Not getting any sleep is awful, especially being responsible for your 4
children. You need more understanding and unconditional love from your
spouse too! Keep your Dr. informed on these issues and I'm sure you can
get more help.Your unrelenting pain must be causing some depression,too.
Stick with us here and vent away. We need you! sincerely,dumpster diver*
Allstarmomma
23 Feb 2015
Hi Hockey mom ,
We happen to be in the same boat. Just came on line to read about why my husband of 19 years does not care about me anymore but the truth is he has always loved his self more. I also have a couple herniated disk in my neck and back. One is pushing on the nerve which gives me terrible pain down my leg. It became real bad 6 months ago when I picked up a student at work to help him onto the swing. If I ever tell my husband that I am hurting to much his response is always I am in pain also. It just would be nice to have him say I am sorry and comfort me. I work all day then come home and to dinner maybe some laundry and go to bed so I can work the next day. Weekends. I grocery shop and do chores. He does work a lot of hours but takes my kids to the desert and races and I feel so left out cuz I don't feel well enough to go and they don't seem to care that I am not. I am sorry I have made this all about myself.
kathyhanson
11 Jul 2013
hockeymom,
Hmmmm! I wonder if it would get his attention if you told him he had to take care of the 4 kids, house, cooking, etc., while you go and get something done about your neck. I had herniation of C5/6, which eventually ruptured. I had no choice but to have the surgery, which, thankfully, was successful. It was horribly painful before the disc ruptured, and much worse after rupture and before surgery. So, here's what you do. Get a family member or friend to take all 4 of your kids for one night. When hubby gets home, sit him down, MAKE him pay attention to what you are saying. No distractions! If he tries to turn what you are saying around to focus on him, just tell him "This is not about you! I am talking about me! You married me in sickness and in health! Guess what, this is the sickness part! I am in pain and I need you to hear me. I need your understanding, love and support!" For now, my dear, you need to take care of you.
hockeymom719
12 Jul 2013
That is a great idea! I will have to do that. I have an appointment to get shots done next week, I hope that helps with the pain. I don't know that I will have much help after do you know if I will need help. I know I have to find someone to drive me home, I can take a taxi. But once I am at home will I need help?
kathyhanson
12 Jul 2013
I did not have the injections, so I can't really give advice on that. I would assume that since you cannot drive yourself home that you will need some help for the rest of that day. You have to take a taxi? Your hubby can't take you? Hold me back, gurl!!! He sounds just like my ex. When I was going through chemo and radiation, he would tell me he had to work and I'd ask someone from our church to take me. Come to find out, he was taking that "free" time to go run around with 3 different women! He was a royal Jerk! I'm not saying your hubby is doing the same, by any means, but I can see some of the same self-centered behavior that I saw in my ex. And that, my dear, is why he is my EX! You need to get his attention somehow. I hope the injections work for you, hon. You have alot on your plate with 4 kids to take care of --- well 5 counting... OK, I won't go there! hehe
Let us know how it goes.
Kath
lucyb78
13 Aug 2013
It's like my p m doc says... Everyone handles pain differently. My husband and his father have back problems but they just drink beer when it gets bad. My husband though is very supportive of me and my taking medications and trying other options.maybe you could tell him like I told my husband... You are just tougher about handling pain than me. Maybe my pain is different from your pain? Hopefully he will come around.
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Thank you so much for responding. My husband does know about the headaches and I have told him about the pain but its like he just doesn't care.
I really dont want to do shots. What else can help with the pain? My mom had her's fused together and thst was a really bad idea. What would you suggest?
I don't know much about the herniated disk problem, but I do get injections in my neck, shoulders, back and all over my head to loosen up my tight neck and shoulder muscles which are a major cause of my migraines. They are called nerve block and trigger point injections. That could help both of your problems.
You need to stand up to your husband for his uncaring response to you. And keep talking about your pain and it may sink in with the selfish man. Sorry that you've had 4 children with this man before you found out how uncaring he is. But at least you get enjoyment from your children. Wish you the best. Sara