hello out there..i hope i am doing this right, i am so new to this that i dont even know where my question is going to be posted at, I hope that the Robert guy will see it. :) I was hooked on tabs, then moved up to shooting oxys in about 5 or 6 yrs ago. When my fiance was killed i really escalated into my habit, literally sought it out as a relief from my depression. My mom and sister disowned me and thought i was scum of the earth.they thought their tough love would get to me, it only made me bitter to this day--thank God for my friends and church family. My mom even threatened to write a letter to CPS unless I let my boys move in with there dad.Tho it was wrong of me to turn to drugs my boys never even knew about it as i was never messed up like the "junkies" u read about. not trying to make excuses!! I'm just sayin I was always consitious about it with my kids. :( NOONE knew about me doing it until I told my sister thinking it was in confidence. Should of never done that because FOREVER it will be held against me that i had shot up drugs and now have hep c. Not to mention it gave them something to gossip about, now my whole extended family knows what a loser I had become, not to mention probably half this town!! They made me feel like shit, it was bad enuf my fiance was killed and i ended up homeless. This was after living on a 1000 acre cattle ranch with my horses, I always had money for tabs never had to worry about money.Anyways got so depressed from being alone i tryed to commit suicide and ended up in treatment where i confessed my addiction and the doc gave me suboxins and zanax. 8mg-3xday and 2mg zanax3xa day. Please keep in mind that the doc told me subs WERE NOT ADDICTING!!! That was 5 years ago... still on them. In between that time I had a baby girl, shes now three. The biggest change is that and the fact I am on a journey with Christ God, i have been saved! So I got married and the guy i married gets subs. Please dont judge me but when my doc stoppd givin me subs I could not quit!! I quit seein him, so i no longer get any scripts from a doc. So how am i still addicted after 5yrs? The guy i married 2 1/2 yrs ago gets them 8mg 3x a day. And he doesnt take em. He just gets em for me. I tried to quit, and I cant, I didnt know how. Its so upsetting, the leg pain is horrible!! and the fatigue and anxiety-i never knew they were addicting!! I wanna give my all to work for the Lord and i cant do it being addicted to these subs. Its makin me a diff person. I was on subtex while pregnant... my daughter is autistic, I blame the subs, though the doc told me they would not harm her?? Of course my mom is triumphant that she was proved right, she put me down the whole time i was prego tellin me my baby would be deformed or somethin. My little girl is so pretty, u cant tell nothin is wrong except in her behavior. I dont care!!! well sometimes i do, but the thing is-she is VERY high matinence, i need that energy!! I am tired of depending on "my husband" for these pills. I want out of this marriage (I married him to early, after only 2 months of knowing him.) I was trying to do right by God, he told me God wanted it. Now i see how stupid i was. in my defense even tho this is no excuse, i was still in mourning and all i seen was a cowboy hat and a supossed "man of God". Boy was i wrong. turns out he is scitzophranic, hes even threatened to expose that I have been taking his prescription all along!! Do you see why i HAVE to get off these!! I need to be 100% for my daughter, i have got to get off of them I cant stand living this lie anymore, help me!! I have been taking 2 8mg a day, sometimes I take one 8mg a day. I will admit I do crave them, and even like them melting under my tounge. But I also am smart enuf to know that I have been using them as an "escape" from my oh so unhappy marriage. The longer i have been on them the more isolated i have made myself. but i have come to a different frame of mind I started volunteering on mon and fri, next i am going to try and get a job. and excersising. tho it is cold and snowy outside i am going to bring in a treadmill. Tired of being kept prisoner of these subs!!! help me get off them! when i found out about the afterlife of subs did i ever feel helpless. i know this robert guy can help i have read the testimonials. i just hope i am posting this letter where he can see it. i apologize in advance for u havin to read such a long letter. it says to put as much detail..so this is my history as embarassing as it sounds. I gotta get off these, not only for myself but for my kids and for the fact that NOONE will ever be able to use drugs against me again!!! I do not have insurance or the money to go to a docter. I have i think 30-32 8mg subs left until the Jan 30th (that is if he gets a refill) I am hoping that that amount will be enuf to get off?? I will start tommorow!! let me know what to do?? i tried clicking on your link but for some reason it did not load. i am not an expert. i will wait for a reply, thank you so so much. please dont judge me for taking his subs... i just could not quit when my doc stopped me :( If anyone else finds out about me takin the subs i am in fear about my daugher being taken from me. i dont trust my hubby or my mom (if she were to find out) she is so critical of everything. Thanks and sorry for the long letter. my past--it is NOT who i am today. I want off everything!!