hello out there..i hope i am doing this right, i am so new to this that i dont even know where my question is going to be posted at, I hope that the Robert guy will see it. :) I was hooked on tabs, then moved up to shooting oxys in about 5 or 6 yrs ago. When my fiance was killed i really escalated into my habit, literally sought it out as a relief from my depression. My mom and sister disowned me and thought i was scum of the earth.they thought their tough love would get to me, it only made me bitter to this day--thank God for my friends and church family. My mom even threatened to write a letter to CPS unless I let my boys move in with there dad.Tho it was wrong of me to turn to drugs my boys never even knew about it as i was never messed up like the "junkies" u read about. not trying to make excuses!! I'm just sayin I was always consitious about it with my kids. :( NOONE knew about me doing it until I told my sister thinking it was in confidence. Should of never done that because FOREVER it will be held against me that i had shot up drugs and now have hep c. Not to mention it gave them something to gossip about, now my whole extended family knows what a loser I had become, not to mention probably half this town!! They made me feel like shit, it was bad enuf my fiance was killed and i ended up homeless. This was after living on a 1000 acre cattle ranch with my horses, I always had money for tabs never had to worry about money.Anyways got so depressed from being alone i tryed to commit suicide and ended up in treatment where i confessed my addiction and the doc gave me suboxins and zanax. 8mg-3xday and 2mg zanax3xa day. Please keep in mind that the doc told me subs WERE NOT ADDICTING!!! That was 5 years ago... still on them. In between that time I had a baby girl, shes now three. The biggest change is that and the fact I am on a journey with Christ God, i have been saved! So I got married and the guy i married gets subs. Please dont judge me but when my doc stoppd givin me subs I could not quit!! I quit seein him, so i no longer get any scripts from a doc. So how am i still addicted after 5yrs? The guy i married 2 1/2 yrs ago gets them 8mg 3x a day. And he doesnt take em. He just gets em for me. I tried to quit, and I cant, I didnt know how. Its so upsetting, the leg pain is horrible!! and the fatigue and anxiety-i never knew they were addicting!! I wanna give my all to work for the Lord and i cant do it being addicted to these subs. Its makin me a diff person. I was on subtex while pregnant... my daughter is autistic, I blame the subs, though the doc told me they would not harm her?? Of course my mom is triumphant that she was proved right, she put me down the whole time i was prego tellin me my baby would be deformed or somethin. My little girl is so pretty, u cant tell nothin is wrong except in her behavior. I dont care!!! well sometimes i do, but the thing is-she is VERY high matinence, i need that energy!! I am tired of depending on "my husband" for these pills. I want out of this marriage (I married him to early, after only 2 months of knowing him.) I was trying to do right by God, he told me God wanted it. Now i see how stupid i was. in my defense even tho this is no excuse, i was still in mourning and all i seen was a cowboy hat and a supossed "man of God". Boy was i wrong. turns out he is scitzophranic, hes even threatened to expose that I have been taking his prescription all along!! Do you see why i HAVE to get off these!! I need to be 100% for my daughter, i have got to get off of them I cant stand living this lie anymore, help me!! I have been taking 2 8mg a day, sometimes I take one 8mg a day. I will admit I do crave them, and even like them melting under my tounge. But I also am smart enuf to know that I have been using them as an "escape" from my oh so unhappy marriage. The longer i have been on them the more isolated i have made myself. but i have come to a different frame of mind I started volunteering on mon and fri, next i am going to try and get a job. and excersising. tho it is cold and snowy outside i am going to bring in a treadmill. Tired of being kept prisoner of these subs!!! help me get off them! when i found out about the afterlife of subs did i ever feel helpless. i know this robert guy can help i have read the testimonials. i just hope i am posting this letter where he can see it. i apologize in advance for u havin to read such a long letter. it says to put as much detail..so this is my history as embarassing as it sounds. I gotta get off these, not only for myself but for my kids and for the fact that NOONE will ever be able to use drugs against me again!!! I do not have insurance or the money to go to a docter. I have i think 30-32 8mg subs left until the Jan 30th (that is if he gets a refill) I am hoping that that amount will be enuf to get off?? I will start tommorow!! let me know what to do?? i tried clicking on your link but for some reason it did not load. i am not an expert. i will wait for a reply, thank you so so much. please dont judge me for taking his subs... i just could not quit when my doc stopped me :( If anyone else finds out about me takin the subs i am in fear about my daugher being taken from me. i dont trust my hubby or my mom (if she were to find out) she is so critical of everything. Thanks and sorry for the long letter. my past--it is NOT who i am today. I want off everything!!
Hi, I hope you don't mind but I copied and pasted your question over to the discussion board where Robert will see it. In the mean time, please look up Pattishan61 and read her profile. Click on "find a member" and type in her name. She's the sub expert in this community. I wish you the very best and good luck on getting off the subs,
I am flabbergasted. Bottomline, tho - you are an addict. If you do not have a low-cost or no-cost rehab anywere near you that you can go to, just go to all the AA NA CA meetings you can find. Buy a book, read it when you are tempted or stressed or jonesing- it'll help you a lot more than the bible, at this point (no offense meant) At these meetings, ask if you can "be of service" - take on volunteer committments.
But most of all stop taking the subs. Go to meetings for support while you get off them. That whole bit, about having enough to last till the end of the month - it makes it sound like you have absolutely zero intention of quitting - so I ask you - what is it you really want? Do you even know.
You should sit down and write a list of all the consequences that stem from your addiction. And the very real possibility of consequences yet to come. Like GOING TO JAIL..Dying and leaving your daughter an orphan. Having a stroke or crashing your car and becoming disabled.
With active addiction the world, our world, becomes smaller and smaller. You think you are lonely now? Give it another half a year. You may not have a husband to leave. And about this husband - he is getting you your drugs? If so, he is enabling you. He is keeping your habit alive, coz it makes you dependant on him.
Sorry to lecture... but one more thing - look in your communnity for a therapist who works on a sliding scale. I would also make for damn sure I was on anti-depressants - go to your GP, ask for samples. And don't tell me you don't have the money to do these things - well, where do your subs come from - the tooth fairy?
Ultimately, you have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired. Things do not get better when you are high, they just get cr@ppier & cr@appier.
Dear MT, Please get not only some addiction therapy, but some therapy to help guide you out of this unhealthy place in your life. Some of the members here who are female have been in similar situations, and you can get out of it, but, you will need support and guidance. I too was very betrayed by family and a couple of friends and was too hurt and angry to positively learn from what happened at the time. Bottom line, although they were wrong, you can't change what they did, all you can do is improve your frame of mind, improve the way you handle it. In the serenity Prayer, it clearly states, God, grant my the serenity to accept the things I can not change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I hope that you are using a sympathetic voice to read my message, I am NOT judging you at all, I am trying to give you some Hope, and Hope trumps grief.
Text can sound cruel, I promise I sympathize with you and am trying to offer you some advice that may help. When I was going thru the betrayal, I went to 2 different individual therapists and a group. I received help, hope and support. First things first Dear, therapy first. There are low and no cost therapy, you may find someone at an NA or AA meeting that can tell you where it is available in your area. You will get support there. I hate to put this this way, but since your Precious Daughter has Autism, you may be eligible for money or services that are paid for by a program. I sure hope so as I know money must be tight. Although the Good Word can be a comfort, I fear it won't give you all the help and info you need to extricate yourself from this awful situation, so don't refuse the human help that comes your way. I am not putting down Christianity in anyway, or your Faith, I just know that the Good Word doesn't always address all situations that occur in modern times and I don't want you to miss out on human help sent by the Divine. You know the joke of the man trapped on his roof by a flood who turns down the surfboarder who happens by, the guy paddling by in the boat, and they helicopter, telling each that God will send help. He drowns and asks God why he didn't send him some help and God says, Who do you think sent the 3 guys who offered to help you. Read the Good Word for comfort, but also take the steps you have to to get some real tangible help, each person who answered here was sent by God to give you some help and words to ponder. We support each other here dear, read all answers with that sympathetic voice and think of how you would answer a similar question on this site. I am saying Major Prayers for you and your beautiful daughter. You can read my profile for my suboxone story, it may have some help in it for you. click my name or avatar to see my profile story.
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