... help. I am 48 years old and for the last 6 years have played with the opiates purely recreationally. I started with tat heroin. smoking it on a semi-regualr basis. I liked it but only smoked. Never ived it and never really wanted to. I have always been a good person with many friends and found myself feeling deep shame about my secret life. I maintained relatinships,worked hard, never cheated anyone or broke the law. I was having fun and not hurting anyone but myself. At a certain point i decided i wanted to stop. I had a friend who gave me suboxone and it worked great. I soon found a dr. and was put on the suboxone at a medium dose which was still too much as i was only doing about 1/4 gram of inhaled heroin a day at most. I leveled myself out at 1- 2 mils. for about 2 months. The dr. wanted to keep me on the subs but i felt like i should get off. I got an amazing job offer in another city and decided to jump off the subs at 1-2 mils i had been on for a few months. A friend flushed them dowm the toilet and i settled in for my detox. I felt ok for a couple days and then it hit me. I was pretty screwd up for about 8-10 days. the standard stuff. no sleep. depression, axienty, sadness. My friend would come by and check on me but i went through it alone for the mist part. I hated where i was and how i got there. I had the respect of my friends and family and was someone people could count on. I felt terrible that i was a drug addict and was going through this suffering. I came through the sub detox ok and started to feel better and have a good out look on the future. I promised myself i would never get into that situation again. Well. as i felt better i slowly started dabbling again. tar, oxy, vikes anything opiate. here and there. I did a couple more mini-kicks over the next year. I did the thomas recipe and also went on anti-depressents that a friend got for me. [i know dumb idea, but they helped and i since stopped taking them.] Every time i stopped after a while i felt confident that i could do a little something and be ok. Well i find myself in a stupid cycle of pills, no pills, a dab of tar, pills no pills etc. over the last year i have fell back into this cycle. In the new town i live i met someone who turned me on to 10 mil metadone pills. i would take 1 and feel great for a day or 2. I have now found myself doing 1 10 mil pill a day for about 3-4 months. Like an idiot i did not do much research before swallowing my little pill basically everyday for the last few months. I AM FED UP WITH THIS CRAP. Now. Here is my question. Will i go through rough wd having been taking 10 mil a day for 3 months. I just started taking 5 mil the last couple days thinking i can do a quik taper as my dose has been low. I am terrified after reading the horror stories about meth withdrawel. i have 10 10 mil pills and do not want to get more. I am hoping i can taper with these remaining pills and be done with it. I am also considering getting some pills[oxy,vike ect] and switching to those and tapering off of those instead of methadone. Keep in mind when i was taking opiates. the most i would do was 20-30 oxy at most a day or every other day. If i smoked tar it was a 1/2 gram over a 4 day period tops. So i was never on heavy amounts just steady small amounts. I think i have really screwd up taking methadone for the last 3 months. Is it going to be easier because of the duration and amont of use. I have another fantastic job starting in 20 days ans i really need to be in top form. I am scared and am willing to go through a bit of hell but can't be all screwed up while working this job. It will be a 7 week commitment and i cannot be in a detox haze. Should i just stop and go cold turkey? switch to another opiate and then taper? I would go to re-hab if i had insurance but the job starts soon and my friends and family would totally freak out. They would never believe i have had a drug problem for the last several years. I am afraid what effect it will have on the people who know me and trust me. I am sure most will be supportive and understand but others will shun me and cut me out of their lives. I cannot let that happen. Please advice if someone can relate. I am not a stone cold junkie. I am dependent and have a problem. I know junkies. I just do't fit in that category. I feel sorry for some of those people because they seem so hopeless. I have hope and want to stop. HELP PLEASE
You've 20 days to clean up, correct? 'Tis sort of like ripping a band-aid off fast or slow, how do you want to do this?
Cold turkey is not for whimps, I did it myself off of prescribed OxyContin. You have a choice to make, whether to continue on the opiate abuse road to hell or to clean up. How you do this depends on your fortitude, can you do it cold turkey? Twenty days just may be enough to start to feel better before your new job.
If you choose methadone, you may need more of them than 10 to get you through.
Other members will see your question and respond soon. Keep your chin up, you can do this, now matter what you choose!!!
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