I just wanted to update you on how my boys are doing. Again..please don't reply with any bad answers or comments. I just want you to please say a prayer for me and my 21 yr. old son. He got a DWI teo weeks ago. He has a court date for the end of the month. And he spent over $80.00 last night drinking and getting very drunk.He is a severe alcoholic, but I just don't understand why he is taking such major mistakes and chances right now. He knows the consequince of what will happen if he gets caught. He has no licence, so my ex-husband is going to call his work and tell him and ask him that he cannot drink at all while working there. There's nothiing else I can do but pray for him. I feel like he thinks he is going to prison, so he's going to drink while he can before his court date. We, meaning the whole family has talked to him and told him this just doesn't affect him, but everybody else that loves him and is pulling for him. He's soo depressed and making bad decisions.I guess I wrote to my friends on here for support and praye's. I know all the negative things. I've been barbated with them and the negative comments. I just don't want to hear any more of them, because whatever is said negatively only makes me mad, because I'm severely depressed with the whole situation, and he still is my flesh and blood, and my heart is literally breaking right now. I can't help him. he's an adult now. He makes his own decisions, and I can't reach him at all. He won't listen to anybody. Please remeber him in you're prayer's that he will get better and want help. And for me, because I'm very upset and depressed. I could really have you're support. I'm asking you to help me and just hear somethingthat might help me. I love you all, and I know you are a wonderful group of people. I know you will help me, and I thank you so much for being my friends and helping me. Love Ruthie
I'm so sorry to hear how much you are going through and what your son is going through!! I have many alcoholics scattered throughout the family, some who died alcoholic and some who got sober but it seems the ones who got sober had to hit a rock bottom to make them want to change their ways. all the talk in the world doesnt convince them , making them go to rehab wont convince them, they have to get to a point where they make the choice for themselves. I truly pray that your son comes to this realization before any more serious harm is done. He is your flesh and blood and you will love him and support him no matter what, and he does need to know this. Hopefully he will see for himself that he needs to fight this illness, alcoholism. It is an illness and he will likely need some kind of help to turn away from it. Have you offered to go to an AA meeting with him? He doesnt have to say anything or do anything while he is there but perhaps just see what goes on.
All those folks at AA KNOW exactly what it is like to be in your sons shoes. they have been there. Sometimes talking to a former alcoholic is better than talking to someone who hasnt been there and sometimes a stranger is better than a family member. You are probably correct in your assumption that he is doing this because he is upset at the prospect of going to jail and he is dealing with it in the only way he knows how to right now. I pray for you to have the strength to help him and for him to have the strength to overcome this illness. By the way, my family members who were alcoholics and are now sober did it with the help of AA. There are other programs, of course. I pray that your son finds his way to clean living and developing better coping skills. Hang in there Ruthie! You have friends here and we are all here for you and we will be pulling for you!
Ruthie,we've never met but I at an adult age did these things your so validly concerned about.I pray that he doesn't do any driving.I pray that God does grant you and your persons of concern the Serenity to accept the things you can't change,the courage to change the things you can change and the wisdom to Know the difference.
May God be with you and your family.
You have always been there for me, therefore as your friend I will be there for you. I have made no secret of my deep belief in God on this site and will not hide it now. I said a prayer today for you and I will again tomorrow. I get up each day and read a Psalm and have prayer. It helps me to face the day with all of the issues I have. I have found that God does help me and I can feel my prayers being answered everyday. God will answer your prayers as well but you have to remember that it is in his own time. The best to you always.
I am so sorry to hear this new news. I wish you would have told me the other night in the email that you needed to talk to me about your son. I will send you afn email when I get done here.
You know me I keep you & your family in my prayers All the time. I will say extra prayers tonight for you.
Also when does your son go to court ?
I think if he Really does Not want to go to jail then one thing he can do to SHOW the judge he wants to help himself by going thru an AA group or to go into a rehab place. By doing this it will show the judge that hee is serious about improving his life.
My fiancee's sons have been in & out of jail several time & one of them has been actually released to our custody & is currently living with us as he is on Parole.
Trust me when I tell you if your son is Really scared to go back to jail... Going thru an alcoholic rehab or AA program. But it is important that he starts BEFORE he goes to court. This will show the judge HE knows he has a problem & HE has the will to do this on his own. It will show the judge HE is taking care of HIS PROBLEM.
And when you tell him about this make him understand when he is in violation off his Parole EVERYTHING COUNTS...
I have been there several times with my fiancee's kids. In fact he was on Probation & was caught & served a month in jail & then released on Parole to us & he is also paying restetution also.
So Never give up hope but encourage him to be proactive to help his case... Also I did not realize he works at a bar? I would also recommend him look for a job were he is NOT tempted every minute he is there.
I will send you a email so we can talk more.
But ALWAYS be there for your kids as I know you are a great mom. But unfortunately as they grow older they think they know what is Best... And we have little control sometimes... But we can always keep encouraging them to make Better decisions... Take care my friend, Kathy
Hi, i'm so sorry you're going through this! I think you have hit the nail on the head when you say you think your son is drinking while he can as he fears being sent to prison. That certainly struck a chord with me. Most people here know about my history of addiction, and when i was booked in to rehab' a couple of years ago, i took the opportunity to drink heavily for the week leading up to it. It wasn't because i didn't care, it was because i was scared, and i'm sure that is why your son is drinking now. I know it isn't logical, but alcoholism isn't. All you can do is continue to look out for him as much as you can and let him know how much you love him and care about him. It may not seem like it, but i will mean a lot to him. I'm here if you want to talk. Do you know if the court will consider a rehabilitation order instead of a prison sentence?
Dearest Ruthie, of course I will keep he and you in my prayers.
We all know that addiction is a disease, someone (sorry, I forgot their username) even mentioned not wanting to "pass on the alcoholic gene", why then would we punish a person for an illness, by tossing them in jail?
Do we house cancer patients in jail?
As always, you and your family will be included in my prayers dear lady.
I am also praying for you and your son and your whole family.
I am so disturbed when you say that you think that your son's alcoholism is from your drinking. That's NOT true. I come from a family that has alcoholics going generations back. It is genetic. Some of them never grew up with parents who were alcoholics. It's the kind of disease that when you have the alcohol, something hits the brain to just want more. It is NOT your fault.
I also hope and pray that you will not succumb to the alcohol yourself. I know that you are an exceptionally strong person to have become sober because alcohol has extreme pulls on a person. So give yourself a lot of credit. Your son does know that you love him since you have told him so many times. He probably feels guilty the fact that he won't take your calls. But you will always be there for him and he knows it. Keep the faith.
And love your other son just as much. Tell that son how proud you are of him, how much you love him and will always be there for him too. This is also very important.
Sending love and prayers to you. You take care.
Anybody that says anything negative about you or your situation must live in outer space. One grandson doesn't have any maternal uncles-all killed by the results of alcohol and drugs. The grandson has brain damage from overdosing. I'll pray for you that your family can come to a resolution, without your son reaching this type of bottom. A wise friend says that it takes about 3 years on the bottom for them to come out of it. You just have to hold on to God's hands and promises. Remember that Col. Sanders of kentucky fried chicken was a drunk in his 60s, when he turned his life around--
Dearest Ruthie, I am so sorry you are having to go through all these troubles. My heart goes out to you, & you are in my thoughts for sure. You seem to be having your share of troubles lately, & for that I am sorry for you & your children. Life can be tough at times, & that's when we have to prove we are tougher. Things will get better in time. Just remember that you have all these wonderful friends for the support that you need.So hang in there girl, and keep your faith close to your heart. Your friend, Mary
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