... Vicodin and Percocet for my first herpes outbreak. It was insanely painful and was also injected with Dilaudid for the pain. When I got home with all of my prescriptions, I noticed that I was popping them like candy and although I was in pain, it took the mental anguish away of being diagnosed with such a shameful disease. When my scripts ran out I began getting them off the streets. Here I am 5 years later totally addicted to Percocet, Vicodin, Norco and pretty much and other narcotic pain pill I can get my hands on. I have 3 Percocet left and just wanna be done with it. I don't wanna be all pilled out on Christmas and I want my life back. I have literally lost everything due to this awful addiction. Jobs, relationships, places to live, my drivers license, and most importantly myself. I don't know who I am anymore. I went from being a very social, hardworking girl to a recluse that doesn't leave bed or even shower. My life is shit. I want the old me back so bad and my health to be ok. I used to be so in shape and beautiful. Now I am so bloated, my heart pounds just walking down the hall, I sweat all the time, my lips are cracked and so dry, and I am so depressed. I am so scared to withdrawal. I am up to about 5 to 6 percocet a day. Are my withdrawals gonna be really bad? I wanna be somewhat physically ok by Christmas. I can't wait to be done with this nightmare. I need all the support and advice I can get. I am so scared
Welcome to the dope life! It's funny(not literally) but I bet 90% of people on opiates have the same story(myself included) I thought what you said about Christmas & unless a Christmas miracle happens,I'm gobble be in the same shape,but off of A LOT of Dilaudid & it's not gonna be fun. Also I got tossed into jail a month or so ago & was clean as you can be! No withrawals,none. AND my scrip got taken so I was up the river! I was pretty happy,quite bored because I have no "social life" except scoring & doing shit. But I kept at getting my dope back & DID! now it's like what the hell did I just do? I've NEVER MADE THEM LAST WHAT THERE SUPPOSED TO & I just put myself right back living from dy to day except the (few) days I have mine.
I could have stopped right then but the drive to cop a buzz was stronger! I KNOW I have to quit just like the poster but it sure ain't easy & my story is identical to hers except I've gotten in deeper. I wish all it was percocet that's what I started on but it's deep now. Methadone,Suboxen,Jail,Death. Aint it a bitch those are your options but if you REALLY DO,they are.
Hi Jane & welcome to the site. I really appreciate your honesty & understand your cry for help. It might be the best Christmas present you ever give yourself or anyone that knows & loves you. You cannot do this on your own by Christmas my dear. Actually you can start a weaning or taper type of plan now, but it won't have you clean by Christmas. That is only 4 days away. If you just stop using now you will go into terrible withdrawals, & by Christmas day you will want to feel like dying from the withdrawals.My advice to you would be to try & get into a inpatient program where you can get the needed therapy to get you thru all this. I oh so feel for you sweetie, & wish there was more I could do to help this all go away, but it is a hard thing to do, but I know you can. Please don't let the fact that you can't make this all go away in 4 days defeat you either. This is a great site for support, & others will be along to give you their thoughts on the subject too.I wish you all the best...
Don't feel embarrassed. I have a friend that found out she had herpes. Her boyfriend had it and did not know. He was a carrier. Now she suffers and is alone. She has found a new job and does some acting when she can.( her passion). I would call around and see who could take you in to a program asap. Even if you just get a date to get better that would be the beginning of your new life. Something to look forward to, baby steps is all you need right now. That would be a nice present to yourself. Also don't worry there will be a lot of other people who has been in your situation that can help you.
Don't give up hope. I'll be praying for you.
Okay, it took you years to get to where you are at, so you won't be able to undo this all by Christmas, but if you find a good Dr., you could be well on your way. My heart goes out to you. I think there are three things that could really help you, especially since cold turkey is pretty damn hard, if you have kids or a job or aren't into severe suffering. A) an addiction specialist Dr who will teach you about a newish medication called Suboxone and prescribe it with a tapering plan. You really don't want to trade one addictive substance for another, but this one call really help you to wean yourself painlessly away from narcotics. B) an addiction counselor (a good addiction Dr. Will have at least one attached to his/her services) and for the long hall, become an active member of a 12 step program. I spent 12 years of my life trying everything else (and I live in chronic daily pain), but all I got out of those years were more pain, suffering and sorrow.
I can tell by your letter that you KNOW what I am talking about. Use this wonderful website to research the suboxone. I strongly feel that combined with counseling and a 12 program, that this will be the best, safest way for you to get your addiction under control.
I am really proud of you for having the courage to write your letter. God bless you, and don't give up! There is hope, and you CAN do it, I promise! Sincerely, Harmony
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