i am not sure what i am doing iguess i jsut have noone to talk to atall i feel depressed and lonely i am mandated by family treatment court to anoutreach for a yr , family treatment took my kids which i have not been dealing with so wel lat all it is a very confusing situation i guess they took my kids away but my mother stepped in and took temp. custody i was doing good iwas clean for like 5 months and i dont know what happened i started up again and i cant stop i want to gt a doctor for suboxin but they are so hard to find i have a friends that gives me a half suboxing evreyday but i do not want that iwant either opana or oxycontin i hate it i really do people sit here and say "then stop" if it was that easy we would not have addicts in the world. i want to stop so bad it breaks my heart everytime i do it and when i am on it i say i am not goingto do this anymore and then the next day comes and i amgoing through those withdrawals and i have ot go out and get one. i am not supposed to be living with my mther becasue my kids are here but i have no where else to go and i cant be going through withdrawals in front of my mother she has no idea she thinks i am doing so well and she is not the person to go to and say " by the way i really messed up ma and i need help and support" she will tell me to get out i dont even know why i am writing this i dont even really have a question i think it is just because i have noone to talk to you know i am sorry guys for writing this boring letter to you all sorry.