F@ck. I poured out my heart and soul and my damn cat pressed delete.
I am lonely and somewhat depressed. I have had a road of woe since 2006 and the hits just keep coming.

Well, on the brightside - there aren't very many people left to lose. And maybe the ones I do lose will be permanent - my brother and sister who shut me out completely because of my illness {Bipolar I, etc..) - I wish they would fall in a vat of battery acid and disappear. I know, I know - "how could she say that - she's so mean". I am not mean, I just can't take it that they hate me so for something I have little control over. They are the ones who are mean, no cruel, in their callous disregard for me. If they were gone, the impulse to call/write would vanish, and so would my open wound. I could get over it.

So - this topic, if anyone finds it, is open. I need a distraction from my sh@tty feelings, my horrid disease, death, loss, and the utter disappointment that I awoke again this morning. And stupid Christmas.

I realize I am probably breaking some rule by asking for the salve of distraction. Oh well - banish me and my entry. At least things will be consistant.