A friend of ours died of a massive heart attack while walking down the street with her young daughter on August 10th, and we found out about it on September 11th.

I was saddened, but highly frightened.

Anxiety symptoms slowly started creeping in because her death caused hypochondria, cardiophobia, thanatophobia, and health anxiety. In the beginning, I was just scared of my heart, and that I was gonna drop over dead of a heart attack at any moment. Then, day after day I started feeling worse physically. I started having heaviness in my chest, shortness of breath, and heart palpitations. It all gradually got worse until September 18th, when I was riding the bus to school and had, what I thought was a heart attack, but it turned out to be my VERY first panic attack. After the panic attack, I felt sick, and my whole chest and area around my heart was numb for the rest of the day. I wasn't able to get ANY sleep the night before, and I hadn't eaten anything, so that made matters worse.

Two days later, I had massive palpitations that scared me into going to the ER to see if there was anything wrong with my heart, because I couldn't take it anymore. They did a chest x-ray, blood work, ekg, took my blood pressure, and my pulse, and said everything came back normal, and I was in pretty good health. I was 400lbs at the time, so it was a surprise to me. They gave me a small prescription of xanax which I started taking scarcely, which was everytime I felt panicked. I heard about becoming addicted to those things so I didn't wanna have to rely on them. I wanted to beat anxiety on my own.

I started feeling better shortly afterwards, until I saw a picture of our deceased friend on her son's Facebook account, and the symptoms slowly started coming back, not as bad as in the beginning, but still bad. So, I was told I had about a month to wait before I could meet my doctor, because we were in the midst of switching because of the quack we had previously. So, I suffered for about another month, taking xanax randomly, being extra careful NOT to OD.

Doctor's appointment time came, and I was through the roof happy... until I met him. He was a f***ing pr**k! He seemed totally uncaring, tried to confuse me on purpose, and was only interested in telling me that physically I was fine.
He didn't care about the anxiety or stress, and tried to rush me out of the room. I asked him if I needed to see a therapist or something, and he tells me to wait another week until I come back to see him. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I had already waited a month!

So, fast forward today, and I've lost about 15 pounds, and am pretty much over the anxiety/panic symptoms and feel good about myself. But, the one thing that's lingering, that bugs me more than ANY of the other symptoms, is the terrifying heart palpitations. I don't know why I still have them, but I even get them when I don't feel worried or stressed, and it seems that they in fact bring on the worry and stress. I've become afraid that I'm gonna have one at any moment, and I can't get rid of that fear. I have that fear because some of them hurt like hell, and are very hard. I'm not talking about an awareness that my heart is beating. I'm talking about random feelings like my heart has stopped, then I get a strong beat. Kinda like heart hiccups.

I only get them when I'm sitting up, leaning forward, and sometimes when I lay on my left side. If I'm laying flat on my back or on my stomach, they don't happen as often, and if they do, they're not that bad and I can deal with them that way. I also don't get them if I'm up walking around.

So, I've been held hostage by these, and am constantly laying down or walking around because I'm afraid that I'm gonna get the strong ones, and that's severely interfering with my life, because I can't get any school work done, nor can I concentrate on my writing hobbies, or anything else that involves sitting up.

I want some relief, and my doctor won't do anything about it, so I had to switch, and it's gonna take an additional two weeks of waiting before I can see my new doctor. The ER can't help me long term and they keep telling me that I need to see my primary care physician, which does me no good.

I need help, and I'm turning ANY where I can get it. I was normal before all this happened. My life was normal, palpitations free, and I didn't have a worry in the world. Now it seems almost like I'll never be normal again, and it's depressing, and I don't know what else to do. :'(