... life. My family don't understand it at all. I am highly educated, just received a PhD and will be working at prestigious research institution soon. But depression is reality. I feel completely dead inside. No one understands me. They tell me it is all in my head and I'm self inducing it. I swear I am not. Depression colors everything I see in life. I no longer see colors. It is all just a different degrees of grey. I feel no emotions inside whatsoever. No love, no happiness, no gratitude, and hope. I feel like there is a dead person inside of me. And I am so exhausted carrying that dead body with me everywhere I go. Am I prone to depression? Is this environmental? Is it due to temperament? I can't say. I am not the maker of who I am. I used to pray that depression was the cancer of mind. It is cancer of emotions. It is cancer of heart. I do not know what other cancers are just as painful, but depression I will dare to define it as a cancer of mind. I have no support system. It would be truly grateful if some of you guys can reach out to me and walk with me through this dark tunnel. I am utterly alone
Hi guys. It took a long time to actually do this. I have been battling depression for most of my?
Added 6 Nov 2012:
Thank you all for such a warm reception. I studied neuroscience so I am very familiar with depression and physiological causes of it. I do too treat it like a medical condition. I have been on many different antidepressants and have seen both therapist and phychiatrist. All of them to no avail. There is always that hollowness in my heart. The lack of understanding this as a medical condition stems from cultural differences. I am an immigrant. Mind and mental power can overcome any ailments. That is the kind of society I was brought up. Depression is still largely a taboo in my country. I stopped talking to my family about them because I can only try so many times before conversation gets destructive. I had been so bitterly lonely in this journey. No one really knows I had taken antidepressants and saw therapist. I don't want the finger printing and most importantly I don't define myself as disabled. It is simply a medical condition that needs extra love and care because depression has so many different dimensions to it. I have been lacking all of that. I am very independent and private. But this loneliness in this battle has gotten so lonely and bitter. I just wanted to see if there are any one of you who would be willing to communicate with me on a daily basis via email as to provide me with support and that I can do this. Depression to me is a cancer of mind. It destroys everything that makes living possible. It deadens emotions that make us human. I dread this illness more than anything else.
Chocokat, welcome to this site. First all congratulations for your education. You are very fortunate to complete this & get a good job in research. I hope it is medical research, but that is your choice of course. Depression is a disease much as diabetes or cancer or any other disease of the body. If you are going into research, I am surprised you haven't done more research on this disease. You didn't ask for it, & like many others you have it & it needs to be attended to like any other medical condition. It's not fair to let it rob you of happiness in your life. Are you or have you seen a psychiatrist for this ? I suggest that this be the place your start. I see you listed Pritsiq, so does that mean you are taking this? If so, was it a physchiatrist that ordered it for you or a PCP? A physchiatrist is the only type of doctor to see for depression. They know their psychriatric drugs so much better than a PCP for this condition.
If a person is just going through a slight case of depression over like losing a loved one or something similar, a PCP is usually fine, but when it's a life time thing, you definately need to see a psychiatrist. A lot of people try to put a stigma on seeing a psychiatirst, but that is just not true, & personally it's no ones business but yours. He may medicate you & also suggest some therapy to help you undestand depression better & how to deal with certain situations.I truly believe you need to do this. I also am glad you wrote into this site. It's a great support system for all sorts of conditions. Depression is something that is not going to just go away. You deserve to have love & happiness in your life too. Just having an great education & a great job are wonderful things, but if you don't have any joy, what is the point? Please try to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible, & again welcome to the site. My very best to you...
Depression is caused by a chemical insufficiency, much like diabetes. Try to ignore what your family says, unless they want to be educated to what depression really is, it won't happen. See a psychiatrist and get on the appropiate meds. You will be amazed at the difference in how you feel. I too have suffered it most of my life, and I know what a struggle getting through school was, so you have really accomplished something to be proud of. Working is going to be a struggle too, without treatment. So see the psychiatrist and get well. That may prove to show your family more then anything that its not something you're doing that is causing it. You may have to take meds all your life like I do, but its a small price to pay for a normal life. We are here for you.
Welcome. First let me say that I understand fully how you feel, especially about the education part. Read my profile and you may get an understanding.
I have suffered from depression and major depression all my life. You are not alone in the world. Perhaps you are alone in the small tiny part that you exist in physically, but even that is an illusion. People care, but don't know how to tell you, or talk to you or connect with you. They are there, but, there are as many reasons you can't see them. I don't see those around me much at all, yet they swear they are there. I have even called them crude names and they still say they are there. The problem is me, not them.
Please do a couple of things, if no for yourself, then for the people here who value you because you have chose us to be your friends; 1) go see a psychiatrist right away, he may be able to help you with any chemical problem with your brain.; 2) get a therapist, a psychologist will help you think your way through things and give you the tools to cope; 3) go see a neurologist just to make sure there is nothing physically wrong with your brain.
You will see #1 every 6-8 weeks at first to try and get the right medications for you. What works for one person does not always work for another. You will see #2 every week at first, perhaps more often if necessary, until the two of you agree on a better frequency. You will see #3 again only if there is a physical problem, which is very unlikely.
Again, welcome to our world. A world full of people just like you. We come here for help. don't be afraid to talk, to ask, or do what you need to get better, but also don't be afraid to listen. There are voices here with 40 and 50 years of depression experience and voices with only 6 months, but all those voices have something to say that can help.
As a group, we have more love that you can absorb. As individuals many of us are broken and looking just as hard as you for answers.
Thank you for coming to us.
I know what it is like to go through depressions. I have had 4 of them! Two major ones where I was hospitalised. You have talked about prayer. I have said one for you. Lift this depression to the Lord and ask him to help you get through this hard time and to move on with him guiding you into happiness once again! I have felt this way and now have no depressions and anxiety in my life because of him and his guidance and healing. I do take meds because of the depression but I am well now.
ChocoKat, Thank you so much for reaching out with a message that so eloquently describes what most of us here feel or have felt. You most certainly are not alone. I can understand your frustration with your feelings and people around you who think you can just "snap out of it" or "pull yourself up by your bootstraps". Or worse, wonder what you have to be so depressed about since you're obviously a very successful person. While factors in our environment can affect the depth of our depression, the underlying cause IS a disease - a disease that can be successfully treated.
I hope you are seeing a doctor, preferably a psychiatrist, who can get you started on the right path. Medications and counseling can make a world of difference. Be aware that it takes some time to fully benefit from the effects of the medications and that you may need to try several drugs, or combinations of drugs, before you find what works for you.
I hope you will stay in touch and let us know how you are doing. Best wishes and I hope you are feeling better soon! WC
Welcome to Drugs.com! Sorry i am late coming across your post. I have suffered from depression on and off since i was 13 and it has been a very hard battle to fight. After many years i have a great support team (doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist) and am on a winning combination of medications. It took a long time to get here, but i'm doing OK. Always feel welcome to speak to me if you feel you want to! I know how miserable depression can be. And what a long road it is when you can't see light at the end of the tunnel. Are you still trying to find the right medication? Are you in touch with a professional that you can talk to, can you talk openly with your doctor? It helps so much to have a good doctor that understands. I know that when i get especially depressed i shut myself away from the world. I know that just makes things worse though. Do you push yourself to socialise so that you aren't isolated? I hope you are doing OK today.
- Pristiq Information for Consumers
- Pristiq Information for Healthcare Professionals (includes dosage details)
- Side Effects of Pristiq (detailed)
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