Gotta put some bricks on the other side of life's teeter-totter:
1. I am grateful that Jimmy was back to his sober beauty for the last couple of years - what a joy to be so lucky, for both of us. Now I hope for a heaven (sp?) coz I know he is there - my angel, my light... me ... the confirmed agnostic.
2. I am grateful to my Gynecologist, Dr. Deb Yu, for catching and killing my cancer.
3. I am grateful that my Dad is more often clear than not when I call him and that he finally "beleives" in Bipolar... that it is not just a personal failing. Pretty cool to change his POV in his 80's. And I know he really loves me... and of course, I love him.
4. I am grateful for my Aunt's continued well-being and how she kept me a float with her unconditional "second Mom's" love and wisdom, not to leave out her commonsense and wealth of program role modeling - that she didn't give up on the wretched sot I was... another one who saved my life.
5. I am so grateful to my therapist, who I was so dubious towards at first, so closed to I would only play cards with for the first year,, not talking at all. Now he has me crying and setting boundries regardless that cost - no longer a hostage, at least not as much, to lizard-brain terror of the unknown and loss and abandonment. Always calling me resilliant - well, if I continue to be so, it is in part the je ne sais quoi (sp) that he brings to our sessions.
6. I am grateful to my dear brother, my best freind, I am so blessed to have such a gentle, kind, generous, intelligent, intellectual, interesting never boring soul mate - I love him so...
7. My other best freind, who shall remain nameless (unless I stupidly forget and slip up) out of respect for her privacy. A more gorgeous soul, inside and out, I have never known - and all the laughter, the 12 years of laughter. I only wish she were closer. Boy, she has seen me through some crap, but never got sick of it all - I will love her always.
8.Tonka and Beast - my most weird odd couple. Tonka so affectionate from the start, who I got to keep Beast from shattering my nerves with her incessant hunting of prey - namely me. I am grateful the playmate idea worked, coz I was a nervous wreck, with big bruised puncture marks on my ankles. Twice the love and affection, and Beast has even become a lap cat - go figure. Wouldn't even let me pet her for the longest time... she is such a weirdo. Endless amusement, my little shedders.
9. I am real glad I have a car. LA is NOT a transit hub, and I live somewhat on the outskirts.
10. I am grateful to my landlord, for this little bungalow I love so, and her many kindnesses, and that she doesn't always come at me with the testimonials of God's love - I'd flee if that were the case. So I am real glad she keeps her ardancy to herself, and that I have this lusciously tree-lined street of many colors. It is all the more - it being a "home" - valuable to me for the two years where I had no place for my pillow, no key, no privacy. So - Thank You Mary and may your God give you many Blessings. At least you have mine.
11. I am grateful for the many un-named kindnesses that gave me a metaphorical hand to grasp during my run of misfortune, all the nurses and CNA's who gave me a smile or a courtesy when I was ready to really lose it. I can't tell you how those in the caring profession can reallly make a difference. Can't express it, well, the gratitude for the safe place they and many others for my fractured mind. The patience with my foolishness - amazing.
12. I am grateful to my Psychiatrist for her constancy, especially for sticking with me when I am leveling all the legal basis' I can think of at her. Any other Doctor would have checked their malpractice policy, consulted a lawyer and dumped me. Oh and the venom I laced my words with. I am so ashamed. I truely care for her and owe many amends. But this is a gratitude list, not a place for flagellation - I am grateful for the artful way in which she approaches this f@cked up psyche of mine, and her kindnesses she has shown me. The generosity and her beauty of spirit.
Well, finally, I must thank you all. Yet another bridge that saved my a@s. You are an amazing lot, and who would have thought there would be so much laughter amongst people being so challenged by life's twists and turns. I am so grateful for every chuckle and guffaw you've wrung out of me. If you think I am talking about you, be sure I am. Sometimes, perhaps I do not give kudos as much as I should. I just get scared to jinx things. But just know it IS you, even if I haven't introduced myself.
And please don't get me wrong... I know there maybe tears and angst behind some of the humor... I am very empathetic... I have a few of my own, to be sure. But, go to You Tube and play "Is That All There Is" by the unparallelled (sp?) Miss Peggy Lee - one of my anthems, even if there is DIet Cherry Coke in my wine glass these days instead of Chianti - there is my take on it all.
So very Merry Glad Tidings to you and yours.