Hello I am a Jobcorps student, I'm twenty-three, African American, about 5'11" and weigh around 156lbs-ish.

A while back, maybe three years or so ago, I went through some things that gave me PTSD, Schizophrenia, and Bipolar Disorder.

Within this month, I was prescribed Geodon by a physician. (Note, if some of this sounds a bit flowery, it’s because I write down my symptoms in a notebook hen I start a new medication) For the first week, he placed me on one 40mg dosage per day, I was also taking Trazidone - which they forgot to take me off of, which might explain some of the symptoms of over-medication they later told me of. The first few days I took Geodon, I felt fine, in fact I felt great -- I reacted much more positively to both external and internal stimulus, even on the Trazidone. But half way into the week, symptoms I didn't like so much started to arise.

One night, I awoke to a panic attack it felt like, as if though my body was feeling the symptoms of anxiety but me mentally had no reason or sense for it. My chest hurt, my heart was throbbing heavily and quickly, my breathing was heavy and irregular and all I could do was pace around the room for what seemed like small, fifteen-minute sessions as I awaited to go to sleep. I would do this about five or six times before finally getting so exhausted, I passed out. I then awoke the next morning feeling like I was in shock, like the experience was still effecting me somehow.

This is when I went to approach Wellness, our medical center, and tell them that of symptoms of what occurred that night were still effecting me. Since this is Jobcorps, I can’t see my physician or psychiatrist until the date he originally set up for me. So I’m a little out of luck there, a physician did see me though – said he might have heard a murmur or a something like that. Graves’ Disease and heart problems are something that goes around in my family, so I was worried for moment.

They told me I was just being over medicated by the Trazidone, so we stopped that and I was jumped up to 80Mg the following week. By the way, the symptoms of the Trazidone stopped, and I slept soundly throughout most of my nights, sometimes I would have small reactions, waking up and hyper ventilating, but I could fight them off mentally and just went to sleep eventually. This was while I was on 40Mg.

But then came the 80Mg doses. Same as the first, for the first few days I was fine, but then came the days afterward. Except it didn’t just happen in my sleep, they hit me right before going to bed, panic attacks that came without reason. Whenever I asked the Wellness Physicians, they would immediately ask me if I was stressing out over something and then dismiss it. Honestly, I don’t feel that stressed, to say I am not stressed at all would be a lie – but I am certainly not flipping out about anything right now—and when these panic attacks happen, it’s just without warning, coming in waves before finally fading off. It’s like I’m subconsciously freaking out before consciously recognizing it, most of the time leaving me like “Why, why am I feeling this, I have no reason too.”

Worst off, it’s been getting worse, every day so far for the last two weeks after taking the 80Mg I’ve been having these freak out moments—and now they are accompanied with stomach pain and nausea. Waking up exhausted and in shock and drowsy. At first I thought it was because I wasn’t eating enough with the pill. So I started taking them with meals about 500 calories or more – and it helped a little at first. But then one day I just got explosively sick from them and again last night when I was pacing my room for almost two hours straight.

I’m worried, what should I do. I know I’m not perfect mentally, but this feels a bit much, right? Or is this normal?