With my OCD I already have thoughts I can't controll and I want more than anything to start my medicine and see if it helps me but I'm scared to take my medicine because once I start the medicine I feel like I will "make myself believe" I'm having a side affect when its all in my head. Possible side affect of suicidal thoughts is scary to me and I have a battle with myself every night to take the medicine but I dont because im scared.