I have been having such a hard time trying to find a medication for my depression and anxiety... I always end up having horrible reactions to basically everything I have tried. Lexapro is the most tolerable out of everything that I have tried but it is giving me this weird numb sensation in my right eye that is so unbearable. I have tried effexor, zoloft, lamictal, buspar, serzone, wellbutrin, cytomel, celexa, and basically every natural herb and supplement for this condition. I had unbearable reactions to all of them. I tried gabapentin once and although it did help alot with depression and anxiety, I felt so out of it and loopy, along with having weird vision problems. Benzos do work for me anxiety, and adderall/vyvanse for my add/motivation but I am so terrified of the long term consequences of being on all these meds. Ideally I would like to find a natural method but everything I have tried never seems to do much (meditation, binaural beats, cranial electrotherapy, exercise, yoga, positive thinking, therapy, eating healthy, keeping busy, spending time outside, being social, fish oil, magnesium, multivitamin, etc.). My depression is so unbearable and out of control that I don't think I would be able to do without meds for now. I started slowly tapering onto prozac while tapering off lexapro and the eye problem went away but I feel so completely agitated and I want to crawl out of my skin. I don't know if this is worth it. Any suggestions? should I wait it out? Should i try alpha stim? I would love to try something like rTMS, but unfortunately it is way too expensive. I am so willing to try anything that can bring me out of this deep hole. I am in college and this should be such a happy time for me but I can't seem to find a way out of this misery in my head. All I want is to feel the way I used to as a child. So happy and carefree. I could feel sad too sometimes, but it was just the normal range of healthy emotions. Now I feel mostly numb or depressed and I feel as if all my options have been exhausted. I am losing hope and I really need some advice!
I think the use of the word unbearable is somehow too much. A numb feeling being unbearable just isn't in my imagination. If everything that they do in the beginning is going to be unbearable to you, then you'll never find anything. All meds for depression have side effects at first, you have to get used to the med. There are several new antidepressants out, maybe one of them would be bearable.
I understand what you say, been there. Meds don't work over night, they
take time and you just have to work through it (not the answer you want).
Try to keep yourself busy. Walking and exercise help, you just have to
make yourself do it - I know you don't feel like it. Therapy, talk to a good
counselor. It took me 3 years to finally feel decent. I wanted an instant
answer too but it didn't happen. Hang in there.
I totally empathize with you. Lifelong anxiety disorder here, and I have tried many of the things you have, with the same lack of success. Basically, I am resigned to the fact that there is something deeply out of whack with my brain (my childhood was not happy), and will always be that way until I find something long-term to make things right. You mention Alpha Stim. I've had that little machine since 2004, and sadly, it doesn't do much. Maybe a mild antidepressant effect for me, but nothing profound. However, my wife's insurance just approved a round of rTMS for me (insurance is approving this treatment now), and after 8 sessions, I can honestly say that it is doing something. The fog is lifting (slightly), I can talk to people again (barely), I don't feel guilty all the time, and responsible for everyone's bad moods, things are improving. I'm hoping this continues as I go into my next few weeks of treatment. I would totally recommend trying rTMS if you can get it paid for and you are comfortable with whatever risk it involves. So far, the only side effects I've had are some dental pain and slight headaches during/after the treatment. Anyway, hope you are finding some relief.
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