As a 9yr old (or younger) I remember this GK exam ,we were supposed to mug up all kinds of info (wasn't very tough - like deepest ocean, highest peak etc). But there was a page of around 15 names of dams and the states where water from these dams were used for irrigation and many of the names of states overlapped. Even though I had a whole day to memorise that page, somehow because I couldn't do it at one go I left it. Its been like that ever since.
I went through high school studying for exams only the night before (not even the day before).I would leave everything till the last moment. I have never finished a syllabus in my life completely whereas my friends would revise 2-3 times.I scored a 84% in high school which was ok considering I only somehow went through the books once.But everyone was disappointed.
I always wanted to be an engineer & took up science in secondary school(XI-XII).But couldn't concentrate at all .I felt sleepy or started daydreaming the moment I opened a book . At school I spent 2 yrs doodling in the last bench.My parents were expecting more than 90% but I went to give my math exams after memorising the list of formulae at the end of the book & not having practised even half a dozen sums. Same with physics & chem. At the time of exams my books still looked new cz i had hardly opened them.
Apart from studies I used to learn painting, singing, dancing, guitar, drums, lawn tennis. I gave up evry one of them the moment I crossed the easier levels and reached a level that required a bit of work.
After college (where I took up an easy course) I was working for sometime. Now I am 27 and supposed to be studying for an entrance exam. But in nearly a year I haven't been able to finish a single chapter. Before I used to think that maybe its because of tensions in the house but now that things are ok I have realised that the problem is within me & not the environment. The atmosphere at my house is quite peaceful. Moreover I take protein, salmon omega, a multivitamin-multimineral tablet daily. I rarely eat junk food . I have a cute pet. I'm not addicted to the net or TV. I keep in touch with few friends because I dont want the distraction of wanting to hang out with them.
Since the last 4 yrs I have been suffering from social anxiety disorder and take propranolol to ctrl the symptoms. Anyway I went to the psychiatrist yesterday for some ADHD medication so that i can study. But he actually laughed at my face and said if I had ADHD I would be jumping in my seat. I guess he has never heard of Predominantly Inattentive ADHD. He gave me Escitalopram 5.0mg (Lexapro or Nexito)(SSRI) & Etizolam(Etilaam or Sedekopan/Pasaden/Depas)0.5mg(benzodiazepine) for anxiety. Forget studying I have been yawning the whole day and slept 12 hours.
I am really sorry about this novel but please someone tell me how to regain some control over my mind & life. Why won't my doc give me Ritalin or something coz SSRIs & Benzos also have discontinuation problems anyway. At 27 I really need to clear this exam and start working. Plz Help.