I am at a loss to getting rid of this monster! I feel like I don't have much strength left. A brief history of my situation: In 2002 I was diagnosed with a hemangioma tumor on L4 & L5 vertebrae. A Dr put me on fentynal patches at 75mg. That made me to sedated so then it was 90mg Avinza which lasted about 6 months. I couldn't tolerate that so I was put on methadone. It was great for a couple years but as the tumor grew the pain increased so my dose went to 80mg/ day. BTW no one would operate on it because the tumor was mostly blood vessels wrapped into the vertebra. Eventually my last option was to receive 6 weeks of radiation which is very rare on a benign tumor due to increased risk of developing cancer. The good news is the radiation worked on shrinking the tumor and pain decreased. The bad news is I can't stop the methadone. The Dr. has been patient with me in decreasing me fairly slowly over the last year. I went down to 40mg a day but find myself taking more and more just to feel ok. I've been out of work for almost a year and lost my insurance so I know I am using it out of frustration. I am home all the time due to the extreme anxiety and paranoia I have developed while on the drug. I want so bad to stop but I just don't know how. Whenever something gets me upset I just grab a handful and take them. With little to no money it is very difficult to concentrate on trying to get better no matter how bad I seem to want it. I just need to talk with someone that knows what its like to have methadone ringing in your head to take another nearly nonstop.