... several weeks now... so if I get to wordy, I'm sorry
I had 3 children, two daughters and a son. My son died in 04 at age 32 from a drug overdose. My middle child, died this past July 28th... don't know the cause of death yet, she did have xanax in her system, but to all of our knowledge, she didn't have enough for an overdose and couldn't afford to buy any.
My youngest has me very, very depressed... suddenly at that.
After our daughter died, my husband and I couldn't get to the funeral, the girls are in Kansas. We had no money to travel, but mainly, my health wouldn't allow the travel. I have and arterial clotting disease, and have lost one leg to it, plus I have very severe respiratory problems. It just wasn't possible.
During and right up until today, my remaining child and I have kept inclose contact. At one point I sent her an email, and in it I tried to express how I thought I might feel if my sister had died and I was the last child. I touched on a number of points, and she said I was right on. I've sent her cards, packages, gifts, and lots of different things to keep her spirits up. I need to digress here for a minute. In preparation for the memorial service, I helped her word what she wanted to say, as she and her sister had lived together, parted on bad terms, but then things got better. She was going to include the bad part of my deceased daughters moving in her eulogy. I helped her re-word it so that there was no hint of any bad time, and in fact things were better because of the move anyway. I wrote my own eulogy which she promised to read for me. There is SO MUCH bad that happened surrounding this whole terrible time, but in short, I sent some flowers. The service was video taped. Of course there was a printed memorial program. She promised to send me these things. I badly wanted to see the memorial service. After it was over, in the course of going through my daughters things, my daughter and I would talk about what to do with them and I expressed that I wanted a number of things. I asked her to send me a few of the flowers from the ones we sent. There were lots of pictures of my deceased daughter at the service and she was going to send me those as well (copies). In one picture Idid get (one of two), my daughter had a necklace on. I asked her to send that to me.
To this date, she had sent me none of these things, nor has she ever sent so much as a card to me. The church sent me a copy of the service today and the memorial service program. I was so glad to finally get it, naturally it was very upsetting. But during the service, my daughter made a quick mention that I couldn't be ther e due to health reasons, and that was all. She never read the last words I wrote to my daughter. When she went to the podium, she had her papers in her hands, and as she spoke she went through the papers, and at the end of her eulogy, there were no papers left. She had never intended to read what I had written to her. This really broke my heart. Not only did she have no intention of reading what I wrote, she could never even be bothered enough to send me the DVD of the service. I got it from a complete stranger. After some thought I emailed her, and told her what I had realized and the things I've mentioned that have bothered me and that for a while, I didn't think I wanted to talk to her. I assured her I loved her, but that for now, I just didn't want to talk.
She wrote back and said she was blocking me from her email, saying she didn't want me writing things to her that would hurt her. I did write back, and simply said, as it was most of the time, she was missing the big picture. By that I had meant of all the things she had NOT done. I also had emailed her a site that talked about what losing a child was like for a parent. As I said, she completely missed the point of the enormity of how she had hurt me. She has a very bad temper, and it would not be beyond her to stay out of touch for a year or more now. She's pretty vindictive. I'm pretty lost...