... school sweetheart & have two great kids.my wife was sexually abused as a child.i was support in every way i knew,but it eventually killed her depression shut her body down and died unexpectedly christmas eve 2001.she repeatedly stated that me and the kids were the love of her life.we were very happly married for 30 years.after she died i spent 1 1/2 years of heavy drinking,feeling sorry for myself and taking life threatening chances i met a wonderful woman.we immediately hit it off and again i was in love.something i thought i would never feel again.turns out my new girl had a similar childhood as my wife only worse,if thats possible.shortly after we met i lost my good job,got in trouble,got a record,lost my house,boat.vehicles and all my possesions.my new love stood by me through everything.we've been together 9 years.its been great,and a struggle sometimes.she's going to start therapy for ptsd.she's in bad shape.but thats not where i'm going.i am to the point in my life where i feel i've failed in everything,all the support i try to offer just doesn't make any difference.i feel that i don't know what to do next.i've always known the answer to the question but at this point i know nothing.i got a feeling everything has piled up and i've become depressed.sometimes i feel like hoppin on my bike and leaving everything behind,but thats just not me.i don't know how to act anymore.guess i'm maybe just lookin for a shoulder to cry on because i have no one to talk to about me,its always about someone else's problems.any ideas ?
I'm sorry to hear your story and it is a sad one,you've been through alot in your life and especially with losing your wife and now going through another tricky situation with your current partner.
Would you consider going for therapy yourself?I think you would benefit greatly by talking with a professional as you have gone through so much,you need professional advice and help from a therapist in dealing with your past and current problems.
Hope this helps a little and i hope you can find the help you deserve,you certainly have been taking on alot within the last few years and it comes a time when you need to STOP and think about you and how you are feeling and what you are going through. We all need help at one time or another and you have taken the first step by coming here seeking help!!
Maybe one of the other members will have some more advice for you,but i just wanted to add my piece and let you know there are alot on site willing to help or offer advice when needed!!
You take care and i wish you all the best!!
Welcome! I have found this site and its members incredibly informative and supporting. I know you will too. I am glad you found us.
As already wisely suggested, you need to have some counselling/therapy. There are many issues you need support with, bereavement counselling despite the fact that your dear wife died 11 years ago have you really grieved or just bottled it up in heavy drinking? Post traumatic Stress Disorder would be, I think, another issue. You have also carried and share the burden of your first wife's abuse and now your current partner, but you also need nurturing and coping skills in order to nurture and be of strength.
Have you talked to your doctor about all this as you are no doubt are and have been coping with depression and anxiety perhaps on a long term basis. Please discuss frankly with him. In order to be a source of strength to anyone you need to nurture your own strength. If you don't stop and start looking after yourself you are going to blow physically and mentally. You might also benefit from relationship counselling to see what attracts you to being the caregiver and codependent in your current relationship.s
Are you still drinking heavy or was this just after your wife's death? Is alcohol, drugs, gambling causing you any problems. Sadenuff, I am not a professional and my suggestions are based on my own experience of a myriad of disorders.
However you will find that this is a genuinely caring site and I feel that without any more delay on your part you pick up the phone and make an appointment with your doctor. Keep coming back to us and letting us know how you are. You share. We care.
I am so sorry you are going through this but I do have at least a part of an answer-Cymbalta. You need that extra seritonin lift to help things and doctors do not have a problem with it-believe me it is a major help to coping. I lost my 16 year old daughter in a car wreck and I could not have made it without it! Also remember things do not stay the same-they move on!
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