14 months clean from intravenous opiate use (natural, not synthetic, get the drift?). 10+years of consecutive use with concurrent methadone maintenance. (other long term alcohol/drug use, but am specifically asking about the opiate issue). Current methadone dose is 30mgs, been on a steady detox since May, 2010, will be off by end of August, 2011. Since stopping the opiate use: SO depressed, suicidal thoughts (but no attempts, i f*cking refuse to do that), super unmotivated, HIGHLY sensitive, emotionally unstable and almost unable to rationalize or reason through emotional issues at times-it takes a long time, over-analyzing EVERYTHING, very spacy, feel very anti-social and misanthropy is running rampant, shitty self esteem, trust issues, general anxiety about life, some nocturnal anxiety attacks (none in daytime), feel very very stressed out, hard time managing/starting/finishing day to day activities, money, time, upkeep of my living space etc. Having SOME pain and discomfort from the detox, but have been decreasing slow enough that any withdrawal symptoms I do have are quite manageable. Anxious/wondering about what will happen when methadone detox is completed, being unable to sleep, further depression, eventual relapse, etc. Things that used to inspire and entertain me seem rather boring and unfullfilling. Looking for an answer to the why of the depression and unmotivation, its never been this awful. Would very much like to enjoy life again. Situational depression? Brain damage/brain reinventing itself without all of the dopamine and shit in it for the past 10+ years of opiate use? PAWS syndrome? (Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome?) Looking online, PAWS supposed to only be a couple of months max after the detox. Thinking maybe because of the long, long detox, the PAWS is drawn out as well? Can't find much info on depression FOLLOWING methadone and drug use detox. Is there any? -besides personal anecdotes, which would also be appreciated.