So last year on June 9th my cousin died in a car accident. We were both 17.We were very close and practically spent our entire childhoods glued to the hip. I miss her a lot. I have dreams about her sometimes. The night she died about thirty minutes before the wreck she posted a status indicating that she was very upset because of a boyfriend issue.. so i was about to give her the normal pep talk ya know. but instead i only said in capitol letters I LOVE YOU!!! and she said she loved me too then i went to bed. nothing unusual.. The night before her funeral I prayed to God to let me say Goodbye to her one last time... I was so distraught and I don't even remember those few proceeding days but anyways he gave me the most realistic dream. It was like she was there with me.. We talked and she told me that she was so sorry that she did this to me and her family.. And then after all of that we just started playing like kids again. So after that I had to leave home because I couldn't be around there anymore it was a constant reminder of her death. I stayed with some family And remember accidentally waking my cousin up multiple nights from my crying.. After about six months it got a little easier with me not crying. And I stopped posting and looking at her Facebook because it breaks my heart and honestly I didn't feel that I needed to tell the whole world how much I loved her.. It wasn't something I needed to constantly proclaim ya know.. Anyways I don't live with my parents anymore I moved out..
And I used to love to workout and paint and do fun stuff with my friends.. But lately it's been like spurts of really wanting to workout and being super motivated to sell my paintings and finish them and then I have spurts like righ now where all I can do is eat and put on a happy face... But at least 3 to 4 times a week I cry myself to sleep from missing her and stressing about college.. Idk I don't know what's wrong with me.. Can anyone relate with me?