I am male, 22 years old, long history of depression easily since 10 years, no history of any other illnesses.
A family doctor prescribed Citalopram (lexapro) at a very low dose and it game me very strange mental sensations/partial hallucinations within the first week.
It scared me to death, I thought I was going to go crazy at work. I couldn't decide if it was a placebo effect I was bringing on myself, or bad effects of a drug.
The effects of Citalopram were scary enough that I swore to self-medicate instead. I began working out, going outdoors, changing diet, seeing a therapist, trying to make new friends, but not having much luck because people don't want to be around someone who's depressed, who's up and down all the time. I never feel good enough, have no confidence and end up being the "little guy" who gets no attention or love, gets kicked around and left alone, but I stand up for myself so it becomes violent among other males. Relationships and sex? Yeah, right, that's like some far-off dream for me that I don't even consider part of life anymore.
My personality feels dead in the water. I'm lonely, scared, and feel very angry and frustrated to the point of recently having suicidal thoughts, and I realized I need something to help my brain change its patterns.
I have not been able to effectively fight my depression with lifestyle changes: I give back in to bad habits and telling myself I'm not good enough, and over-analyzing little things. It has become enough of a scab on my personality that I have become angry, frustrated, tired, mean, cynical, sarcastic, paranoid and just generally unhappy.
I do not want to get out of bed in the morning, because I am so sensitive to every little thing out there in the world. Every situation seems to fall out of my control, and the world seems a bleak, mean and unforgiving gray place.
So I have been researching WELLBUTRIN. Please share any experience you have had with it. I have read the reviews, but I'd like some advice on how to work with taking a new drug. I don't want to over-do it and totally change my lifestyle, but I don't want the drug to make things worse because I don't change anything. I want something gentle and mild that will just take the edge off while I try to reconstruct a positive lifestyle, getting a new job and a new situation. Physical side effects I can deal with, anything below the neck, so to speak.
Please help me with some advice how I should go into a Wellbutrin (or a better anti-depressant you've had success with) prescription. I'm too socially paranoid to make friends and go out and do things, I have failed in friendly relationships too many times, and I hate being alone out in the world, so I generally coup up indoors. What can I do to help the process of a new prescription to fight this disease, without obsessing over it?