This is not a question as much as just some where I can post how I am feeling right now. Yesterday my "little" sister died at the age of 51 years old. Two years ago in June of '08' my 2nd oldest sister died at the age of 54 years old. I am the 4th of 6 children and there are only 3 other siblings left alive. The youngest, my only brother, died after only 1 day on this planet. My father died at the age of 46 years old, his father died at the same age also. I am 53 years old and in the same medical condition as the those that have passed before me. I am very sad at losing so many members of my family but the death yesterday has me shaken to my very core. I do not want to sound insensitive but I'm worried sick about when my life is going to end. My oldest sister and I seem to be in a race to see which one of us is going to die 1st and when (she has the same medical conditions as me and the members of my family that I have mentioned above). I have few friends, due to moving, at this location and only my husband to turn to but I don't want to burden him with how I am feeling as he worries so much about now. I am not a religious person so I would never think about turning to the church for help. Both of our families are over 2000 miles away from my husband and I. We can only talk over the phone or by internet and right now they don't want contact with us, too long of a story to go into right now. So this forum is the a place I feel I can turn to to vent how I am feeling. Is there any one out there that can relate to this situation and could give my a word or two on how to get through it?