I've been noticing almost every day I come here, panicked because my moods, emotions seem to fluctuate.
Usually, around dinner time I've noticed how sad/depressed I feel. That's when I feel the worst. Midday isn't too bad, but I still feel like 'something' is missing in my day.
I'm pretty sure I know what it is, so let me explain.
It's also something which scares me.
I haven't been getting that energy boost. This worries me as the addict in me is still looking for 'something else' in my day.
How am I ever going to 'get better' with this mind set so firmly planted inside my brain?
I felt I was doing great on the sub-when I was getting the energy boost.
Now, I'm not, or haven't, don't know if I will, am worried I still want it... on and on and on.
Going back to my mood, I've noticed I feel more leveled in the early evening.
I'm not sure what I am really asking for help here.
I guess, I'd like to know if how I am feeling is part of the process.
Honestly, if it is, I'm not going to be a happy camper! Maybe that doesn't sound, well, I'm not even sure, what else to say.
It's like I want my cake and eat it too. I want to enjoy the energy boosts, while healing myself and get off all opiates at some point in time, while still enjoying the boosts.
I think this is a very convoluted post, and I apologize for that. Then again, it is telling of where I feel I am on my journey.
I think that's about it,