I had very serious anxiety and depression in the 90's with suicidal ideation requiring quite a few inpt. Hsps. Finally they find a good combination of drugs that helped, especially klonopin 4 x day, probably .5. It finally got me through the day and without the fear, lifted my depression. As I continued getting better, all my med drs flipped because of the klonopin & insisted I get off. My psychiatrist died and a psych np continued to treat me and fill pres. I weaned with no trouble, trying to please everyone and show them I was a good person with no faults like anxiety. I lived many years pushing my feelings down, self-medicating with food and comforting myself by not leaving the house or my chair if possible. (I'm 66, married with 2 adult daughters, 3 active granddaughters and need to attend many events.) I tried to do what I could, lied my way out of attending some things and managed the best I could. A year ago I had a major anxiety attack, told my husband I had suicidal thoughts to stop the pain & ended up calling my primary. Had no psych and couldn't get one for several months so signed myself into hsp to get meds. Was only in for 3 days & disch. Basically was put on anti-depressants and asked for klonopin to have on hand prn. Advance a year... woke in the middle of anxiety attack, took my .25 klonopin and when no relief in an hr took another. Since then the weather has been nice... dont want to keep hidind and stuffing feeings. My therapist said that's what is so exhausting. I've needed to go out so many times and my anxiety has become so much more heightened. I broke down & would take 1 in the morning and another if I had to go out later. I finally told my husband I was having trouble so he knew what was happening. When I start getting that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, stomach cramps I know it's time to take one. I'm trying to go without on days I'm home and deal. I saw my psychiatrist today... so nervous about telling him I've been using so much klonopln... made my husband come in with me. He was absolutely fine... tole me to take it when I want... 20 min before I have to go out. If I feel I need it fine. Told me to relax... as though I could control the anxiety.

Now after that novel of background comes my question... I told him I'm scared of being scared. I'm afraid its going to sneak up and consume me like it did in the 90's. I'm allowed on the pres to take up to 2 a day and he gaveme free reign... thinking I would play it by ear and use as necessary. But my anxiety has been making me so unsettled lately I think I should take the 2 a day every day for at least a cp of weeks until I get a sense of comfort level back and the cut back if possible. I know you're not drs. But you have experience for what has worked for you and that's what I'm looking for. I've had it ingrained in me by some drs to just deal with it, stuff it and move on I feel guilty taking the pill that is prescribed and will make me feel better. Thank you for any help or thoughts... it has done wonders for me just to express these feelings!