Hello, and I hope everyone is doing ok. I really just wanted to tell you about something that has happened. I don't need answer's. This isn't a question. As you allready know my 18yr. old came to live with us about a month ago. He was just getting ready to go to bootcamp, and found out he needed surgery on both of his feet and wouldn't make it through boot camp. He received a letter from the Marines that he was medically discharged. This upset him majorly, and like most of us have, made a mistake and started drinking heavily and doing some drugs. This didn't last long, and he came to live with us to quit it all, and straighten his life out. He is doing wonderful. He has joined a 12 step program and I can't even express how good he's doing. This part is extremely hard for me to talk about, but I just need support right now. My 21 yr. old, who just recently moved out to live in another state with his father for a while, isn't doing well at all. He was on a three yr. probation, and it was almost up, and due to a large amount of fines (restatution) over 100,000.00 had not been paid, they added five more yrs. he allready had a problem with alcohol, and was just lucky he didn't get caught. After finding out about the five more yrs of probation, he just lost it. His self esteem was allready shot, and he was severly depressed being a felon at 18 then. He got dismissed from the army and is now a felon, due to getting in a fight and really hurting another guy. Well, I just got a call from my ex-husband and he was picked up last night for a DUI. Just when I thought things were settling down a bit, because I've been through alot lately, this happen's. I have no idea what will happen. When he was on probation for three yrs. he was told if he messed up he could face three yr.s in prison. Up until now, he has been in no trouble at all, and passed all of his urine tests, and everything. I pray to God there is a chance he will not be sent to prison for breaking his probation, since he hasn't been in trouble for anything. He did drink, but just never got caught. I would greatly appreciate it, for those of you that beleive in prayer at all, if you would pray for my son. And me, but mainly for him. I found his mug shot today, and he just looked pittiful. He had tear's in his eyes. I broke down completely for a little bit, but had to get myself together for my five yr. old. He is home sick today. I've allready heard all the comment's about how he diseved this, and how he needed this lesson, to help him, and how it was his own fault. I really don't need to hear that stuff anymore. I know that. But he is my baby (first borne), and will always be my baby, and no matter how much he deserved this, it is completely breaking my heart beyond word's. So, please, if you can find it in you're heart to say a prayer for him, I would greatly appreciate it. He's not a bad person at all, he just has some problems now, like some of us have had in our past. I greatly appreciate anyone who reads this, and will do that for me. There are so many people on here that have huge hearts and really care. I could just use a little support from you all. I hope and pray you all are doing well, and that you will find some peace today. You're friend, Ruthie p.s. big luvs and hugs to you all.
To all of my DC family, and friends?
- 28 Sep 2012 by bumblebee90
- 1 Oct 2012
- depression, alcoholism, drug dependence, pain, anxiety and stress
Added 28 Sep 2012:
I just want to add...for all of my friens who have emailed me, or sent PQ's, I promise to answer as soon as I can get ahold of this and halfway think. Love, Ruthiie
Added 30 Sep 2012:
Hey, this is Ruthie. I just wanted to thank the many people who have offered me love, support and prayer. for the most part, that is exactly what I've received. Only a few brought up some things, that I asked in my post, to please not do. I've allready heard enough comments from people not on this site to make me vomit. How he diserved this, he needs to be taught a lesson, he needs to pay the consequences, and on and on. Beleive me, I have heard enough negative things, and negativity from my family. I know all these things. They have been drilled into my head. I just asked for love, support, and prayer for those who do that. I hope I am not sounding negative. I would never hurt my DC family. I just can't take anymore of could've should've would've at this point. I need some kind of positiveness. Even though it's not positive, and I need to hear the truth, and I have, it woul just be surely nice to hear something positive to keep me going and not fall apart. There is so much more about this situation than I will share on the site. it's a living h-ll. But all of you, I know are just trying to support me in their own way. But I know every negative thing about the situation, and whats coming to him. Again, I didn't mean this in a negative way at all, and I want to thank every single soul that responded. Nobody did anything wrong. I just wanted to give a little FYI. Thank you my friends, Ruthie
Hello Ruthie. I will send prayers for you to maintain your strength and clarity so that emotional pain and guilt will be left behind. I will send prayers for your son who is young and confused and for clarity that he can see where his future lies with the deep desire to get the help he needs. I will send prayers for your five year old and all affected by this that they will heal and find love for him. Most of all prayers that there is compassion for him so he may learn with true humility. This I give to you. Karen
I'm sure he is not a bad kid, he is just making some bad choices. All kids make mistakes, it is the way they learn but it sometimes can be harder on us as parents than it is for them. We, moms, our hearts bleed for them-no matter how old they are, they are still our "babies"! You are all in my thoughts and prayers! I hope everything will work out for the best! Hang in there Ruthie. You are not alone and you have friends on here who care about you and support you!
Hello Ruthie. You have a rough road. I am an atheist but I feel for you and will keep you in my thoughts. Certainly will. One day you and your family might come up and visit, lots of room. And good food and dogs to be found here. Bye bye now. ((((((((((((((Winston))))))))))))) gives you a hug... our newest addition, pee, pot, pooper.
Hang in there Ruthie!!! I know how much your heart breaks, mine would too. Your heart hurts, and I understand completely. We try to do right by our children, and when they make mistakes, we feel like WE made the mistake. I will be sending positive thoughts to all of you!!! Things will work out, they always do, but please, take care of yourself first. You are no good to anyone, if you are sick, so please, put yourself first.
I am so very sorry to hear of all your troubles. On the one hand both of your sons screwed up and do deserve some sort of corrective action. But I have more anger with the "system" than I do with human mistakes. I have believed for some time that prisons are an industry in this country. Next to health care, they probably provide the most jobs. The US doesn't make stuff anymore. We have become a service economy and prisons provide lots of jobs. They fill prisons with a lot of young guys who screw up and do drugs, smoke pot, etc. And the taxpayers pay for all this nonsense. That has to change.
As for the military, thank goodness they used to have more reason and common sense. When a guy did something stupid they might take him behind the woodshed or let him spend a couple weeks in the brig, but often gave him another chance. Now the people at the top in the military just push paperwork. Somebody makes a mistake, they start a paper file and pretty soon the guy is drummed out. So sad!
I am just so glad I am not a young guy out there who might get in with some bad company and do some stupid things. I might end up being a felon. It is too easy to get sidelined in life these days.
Ruthie, I hope there are programs that can help your 21-year old who is looking at 5 more years. By the way, who in the H--- can afford $100,000 in fines? I mean, do they think he has a rich uncle? I mean, honestly, what judge is such an idiot that he came up with a $100,000 fine? You see the legal system deals with 2 classes of people. Those who can afford a good lawyer and have money to pay fines and the rest of us who get the shaft.
You have to excuse me. I get on a soapbox about the injustices in this country. I am sick of it. Anyway, I will pray about your situation and I believe good can turn out of some of the worst circumstances. Have faith and believe in Him that this can turn out in a far better way than we might believe in our limited human understanding... Doug
P.S. In a few days I will be gone for some time and will not have internet. I have an old cell phone but it does not do the internet thingie.
My Dear Ruthie,
Life has been rough for you lately!! Your son, and you, and the rest of your family have many prayers from me! Your son is so young, he still has so much life ahead of him, they both do!! And they still have opportunities to do good, and I'm sure they will. As hard as it was for you to see those tears in his eyes in his mugshot, do you realize what those tears mean? They mean he knows he's done wrong. And that's an opportunity for him to change. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Imagine how strong he will be when he overcomes all of this!!! Love, prayers, and hugs to you, Key <3
I no u don't no me very well as I have only been on this site since august! First off let me tell u that my prayers are heading your way as I speak for your whole entire family, to give them strengh and guidance through these rough times! I am glad to here your son stopped drinking and is going to a program, etc..on the other hand I am truely sorry for the trouble that your other son is in, but never give up, I am a firm believer in the power of prayer, and with all of your friends including myself, pulling for your family through prayer, I pray everything will work out for both of your children, never give up hope, GOD hears our prayers!! my thoughts and prayers are with u and your whole family now and always!
My dear friend Ruthie,
I'm so sorry to hear of your son's troubles. Of course he's your baby. God knows you've listened to me talk about my babies, both big and small, enough to know I understand that! I'll be praying for you both and sending positive energy your way. You have my number, feel free to use it whenever you need me. We can talk, you can vent or we'll just hang out together quietly. I'm here for you sweetheart.
My heart goes out to you and I am sending you and your family my prayers. I have learned that the only way to deal with all my medical and disability challenges is to try, and it's continual trying, to focus on the good. I encourage you to focus on your 18-year old son who is doing so well and also your young son. They need you now more than ever, just as your oldest son needs you. You have a lot to be grateful for, so don't throw that away in your grief over your oldest son. I know, I know, easier said than done. You are strong and things will work out. Big hugs to you too.
My dear sweet friend I am so Very sorry that this has happened to your 21 yr old son. I have you in My thoughts & prayers every night as I know things have been So Very hard on you. And I will say extra prayers for your entire family.
I was afraid when you told me before about your 21 yr old having such a struggle with drinking & drugs that things might get worse for him. I am very happy though that your 18 yr old moved back from his dads to your house to have you help him get out of that atmosphere. And look how good he is doing... I am So very proud of you to sit down with him & make him understand he needed to respect you for you to help him. And now he is going to church & a 21 step program.. Way to go Ruthie. That is One more off millions of reasons you are a wonderful mother.
As some people (even some on this website) told you to not help him.
But you stood your ground & dug in & he is doing so much better.
I also think you need to leave the guilt in the PAST as that is were it should be.
I am sure knowing you that you have sat down with your boys & spoken to them & apologized for when you were an alcoholic.
So you need to let the guilt go... Plus the way I see it from what you have told me.
That both of your boys originally moved to there fathers. And due to there father not being home very much they had the run & not much discipline. So with him being in another State it would be hard for you to know what was exactly going on. So stop blaming yourself & make there father take ALOT of the blame. You are the One that they go to for help... That means they know that you love them& you will Always be there for them. Again that shows what a Great mother you are. But unfortunately with teenagers they think they can handle things themselves. And yes, this is usually the Only way (especially with teenagers) will learn is the HARD WAY.
Also my finances son is also on parole & struggling so I kind of understand where you are coming from a little bit. But during the last several months I have learned alot about Parole. I think they will look at that he had not messed up on the 3 yr probation & it was only because he could not pay the restitution because it was so large. And if the restitution is not paid back they give them extra Parole time as they cannot release you from Parole since the restitution is paid. I am sure each State works a little differently.. But I doubt he will have to serve much time since this is the first time he has broken his Parole.
So basically I am telling to Please Do Not stress out too much. Wait & find out what they are Actually going to do. If they do put him on Parole again you might speak to him & his lawyer to see if they can move his Parole to YOUR State. Them you can help him like you did your younger son.
Sorry for rambling I am just so worried about you as I have not talked to you for a little while but I think about you & prayer for your family nightly.
You know I Am Always here for you so shoot me a PQ & we can chat a little more privately. But most of all please my friend remember & Never Doubt what a Great & Wonderful mother you truly are. And just because you drank while your kids grew up doesn't mean you were not a good mother.
And also alcoholism is a disease & it does run in family... So please ease up on yourself & pull up your boots & work wonders for your kids just like you did with your son that came home broken down & knowing you would be there to help him.
Take comfort in knowing your kids have Faith in you & Love you as they know you will always protect them No Matter how old they are. As "Our Babies" will Always be our babies.. And we will always be there for them when they fall. You are the most compassionate person I have ever met.
I am hear for YOU.. So please just open up to me as I am hear for you as you are an awesome friend, Person & Most of all a Awesome Mother. Take care my friend,
Hi, i'm sorry to hear about everything that's going on. I know only too well how easy it is to turn to drink or drugs when things go wrong in life. It doesn't mean that people that do this are bad people or deserve to be taught a lesson, it is simply the only way some of us know how to deal with things, it is a coping mechanism. I'm wishing for the best outcome for your oldest son. I really feel for you & your family right now and will pray that things get better. Please know i'm here if you want to talk xx
Sometimes the Lord will let you go through experiences to learn something about yourself, what you can handle with him by your side to grow closer to him and help others in the same predictament in life. For me I have gone through major depressions wondering why I had to go through all that pain. I always knew the Lord was with me in those terrible times even though I did not feel his presence then. I had to trust that he would bring me through it and he has every time. I am now depression free and can help others today. I am a stronger person for it. I feel very strong now, I can handle all things with my Lord Jesus! I have prayed for your family in this time of need! You will become a stronger family if you stay focused on the Lord at this time!
Take care Ruthie, I send you big hugs of comfort!
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