Well... I personally think I've suffered from depression for a very long time. But all my family members and friends always brushed it off when i told them of this and told me i had nothing to be depressed about. which actually made it much worse. So eventually i ended up basically self medicating, starting off first with alcahol then it went to marijuana, then to lortabs, then it got really bad i was snorting about 1 1/2 80 mg oxycontins a day for about 3 1/2 months & occassionally when i didnt have that i did snort heroin. i just thought it was making me happy finally. but then my consciounse got to me and i broke down and told my parents i needed help because me & my fiance were both hooked & we both have a 1 year old son. I just couldnt do it anymore. In the beginning it may seem crazy but i actually thought the drugs were making me a better parent. because the depression made me not want to do ANYTHING clean house, cook dinner, nothing. but taking the pain killers energized me and made me feel better about myself. but once i told my parents i told my fiance we needed time apart so i could get clean. I stayed with my parents and quit cold turkey. I literally thought i was dieing. the withdrawals were horibble. theres no way in the world to describe that feeling. The depression was a hundred times worse, I ached all over, got the chills constantly, & couldnt sleep at all, I even resorted to taking benadryl to try to go to sleep, and even took ambien at one time. nothing helped but i slowly got better & eventually me & my fiance got back together both clean and happy, for a while at least, then its like it happened all over again the depressing feeling. so i had gallbladder surgery & was prescribed lortabs 2 bottles with 40 7.5 mg a piece they were gone within 2 weeks & i was hooked again. so i went to the doctor finally & was prescribed the generic brand of celexa, im only taking 20 mg right now & at first i thought it was working but then i went back to my old habits and have started taking adderall to help have some energy because the medicine makes me tired & drinking almost every night of the week. I feel like i constantly crave that feeling the oxycontin gave me. I know the depression isnt getting better and ive been taking it for 2 weeks. I just dont know what to do because i dont want to do drugs. I honest to God feel like the crappiest mother on earth for it but i dont know how to deal with this depression. I've dealt with it for years now and i dont know what to do. Not to mention i have anxiety issues & im only 20 years old my son will be 2 in June. So i had to grow up really fast. I think thats part of some of my problems but who knows. Anyone with ANY kind of advice out there please help. I feel like NOONE understands what im going through.