I'm stuck at home all day with no car. The few friends I have all work and none of them really know the truth about my addiction. I have no family support because I keep my addiction a secret. They wouldn't be too happy with me. I live with my parents and fear they would kick me out or they would just judge me and hate me. They're not the easiest people in the world to deal with. The stomach problems, the hot/cold sweats, the sleepless nights... those are all things I can put up with... sort of. The WORST part is my mind. It won't stop telling me to get together some money and use. It's hard to busy myself around the house with little "projects" because my body is worn down by the detox. I have a loooooooong history of depression, OCD, and post traumatic stress disorder. Does anyone know what this is like? Has anyone found a way to fight through the thoughts? Through your brain getting the best of you? Sheesh, this is all so hard. It's about the 100th time I've put myself through this, too. Will I ever learn? :( I have no one to blaim but myself.
danielle, hopefuly you will learn. I can only feel for you. Can you find a doc that will help you. And have you talk to Pattshan? Private message her and she will get with you later today. I'm sorry I can't help you. Please just hang in ther and see what comes of this. Don't go buy anything, I know its hard but, go for a walk, Patti says that helps too. Have you gone cold turkey? If so this is dangerous. I really wish you would see a doc and just be honest with him.
You are suffering from an illness. It really requires treatment. I believe you are using the opiate as a way of medicating the depression, OCD and PTSD. If you could find a way to get to a doctor, you could get the help you need. Maybe if you tell your parents that you feel you need a doctor without going into an explanation of the addiction, they would help you get to a doctor. Your conditions are treatable with the proper medication. Once you are properly medicated the need for the opiates will become less. You will then have more success staying off them.
Fighting the cravings is half the battle. Learning tools to combat the cravings is critical. One place you can learn these tools is in counseling. I really suggest you try to at least attend something like Narcotics Anonymous. You can find meetings by googling it. If you can find a way to get to your first meeting and then reach out to the winners in the room, you may find someone who is willing to help get you to further meetings. Having a support network such as NA will really help when the temptation becomes overwhelming.
We are here for you. I encourage you to recognize your addiction is part of your illness and needs ongoing treatment. If you need someone to talk to please keep in touch,
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