Day 1 - Cold turkey
I have a week off work, time to crack this! The thought of 4 days over Christmas in the country and running out is enough. I couldnt manage the tapering method. I just ended up 'rewarding' myself by taking them even if I was happy (how weird is that?) and then if I was stressed I would take extra.
All I have to do is get through the day. Then at least in the night I can take Nytol and crash out. Also my other half is away on business for a few days.
I realised that I wasnt taking as much as other people. I was taking 16 x8mg a day give or take, I have been taking 8mg tablets from the chemist. I know all the chemists in my area, I have even driven 20 miles to the out of hours of chemist before. I also buy other ligitamet things like childrens medicine or plasters to make it look like I am just doing my weekly stop at the chemist. Oh lordy. My chemist (Boots) loyalty card is probably creaking with the amount of co-codamol I have bought on that and earned points on.
I have been taking 4 8mg first thing in the morning or I get a migraine all most instantly and then probably another 3 or 4 mid morning and then another 8 somewhere in the afternoon. But I have been doing this for 7 years. Also mine are mixed with paracetamol so the damage must be horrendous. I also think, that it has kind of taken over my life, the amount of times I rumage around the house for the last 4 tablets in a packet which I know I had somewhere.
Anyway I am sick of them now, I want to be happy because I have made myself happy not because something else has.
Actually feel terrible today but not as bad as I thought. Im more irratable than anything. Everything is winding me up. I cant face anything and Im drinking tonnes of tea.
Day ends and I got through. One Nytol and an early night. This is not as bad as I thought!
Wake up, jaw clenching, child is whinging and the dog wants a walk! And it is only 6am. I do however feel calmer and more clear headed. Terrible stomach. Sweaty and hot and then cold. Actually feel very depressed and I never get depressed, I even caught myself saying to myself "whats the point with anything
I decide to get in the car with child and dog and just drive randomly, at least then it will take my mind off the undescribable urge to drive to the chemist and just buy a packet and take maybe 2, it would tied me over right? No!This is wayyy harder than I thought it would be. Yesterday was a doddle. Im not giving in though. Ive made it this far and it would have all been in vain if I give in. Eating sweet things regularly seems to be working well. Im going to make some cup cakes so at least my son thinks we are vaguely normal this week and I can eat them to stop me feeling to retched. God im going to have to diet as well after all this! Im hoping that as i wasnt on that much anyway, day 2 is my worse day, I cant take make more. I half feel like I want to run a mile and half of me wants to go to sleep. Weird. Anyway I will keep posting on there as it is really helping me keep busy... it might help other people too. Right, off for my 28th cup of tea.