Reflecting back, I took for granted what I had. I dated my high school sweatheart for the past 8 years. We were and are still in love I think. He was my one and only, but last Valentines Day things started to get rocky, he was never satisfied with his work, family, car, or me. Self centered and never their for others. It seemed like no matter what he bought he was never satisfied. I started being never good enough. It was my junior year of college and we broke up, I devoured myself into my schoolwork and future, he turned into the lowlife he claimed I always told him he was. Being the 25 year old I guess he wanted to be, doing many girls including 16 year olds, drugs, and drinking. I became obsessive not wanting to face the facts that someone that I thought was the most dependable person in my life could care that less about me. I couldn't even think about being with other men. We got back, broke up, got back . . . the usual pattern. I spent days trying to prove to him i was mrs. perfect. Doing what he wanted, working on his car with him, cooking for him, doing laundry. He made the usual promisses, oh it meant nothing babe, just sex. But then he would talk about me at party's after I spent hours working on his car with him, saying how i was a **********. It hurt, I found messages from a 16 year old he would have sex with, dirty text messages. It was never enough, the evidence was there, but i just never could find the resentment or reality and of course he would lie.
Its been 9 months of hell, just graduated college . . . got a bachelors in architecture and currently going for my masters. The more I gain in my career, the more I feel I lose in my love life. It always feels like one or the other. It used to be so easy. He checked into a sober house a week ago, and claims he has been in detox rehab on a liquid diet and monitored for seizures. Claims the benzo's he was taking caused this, claims I caused him to do this because of his anxiety. Blamed it on everyone but himself. He claimed he did coc but hasn't since he got out of jail for domestic. But he still goes and gets "benzo's" off the street even though he's scared to go back to prison. They cut back on the prescribed benzo's so he needed to get some off the street to do it at his own pace. I love him more than anything and would give up everything for him, but I feel alone and not needed anymore. He makes me feel like a psycho for inspecting and "stalking". Can you really come and go from a sober house? Is his immoral behavior justified? I know he feels guilty but what can I do to help? We were closer than family before, will it ever be the same? Will he ever appreciate me for putting the past behind and trying to help? Do you think he'll sober and decide i'm not worth his love? Are there places for the victims of this?