I need guidance about my boyfriends heroin addiction. My boyfriend and I have been together for over four years, about three years into our relationship he got hooked on vicodin (prescribed for an injury from his doctor), this addiction led to him abusing the drug and then when his prescription ran out he started using oxy. which he bought from his "friends". This addiction progressed into a deliberating addiction to heroin. He used for about 7-8 months before confusing to me and his family and asking for help. He checked himself into rehab and completed a 30 day inpatient program and then continued his treatment in outpatient care. He was clean for almost a year and was working really hard on staying clean. I felt like after such a long road we had finally overcome his addiction and had moved onto a better place. About a month and half ago he decided to move himself off of his subxone and cut his dosage in-half (he did this without talking to his doctor first) when his prescription ran out he did not refill it but continued to get drug tested by his doctor and go to his outpatient meetings. A couple weeks after that he started to become depressed about his bad work and living situation, he stopped going to his outpatient care and about three weeks ago he relapsed and started to use heroin again. Two weeks after relapsing he contacted his parents and told them he needed help and needed to move away from the town we live in and move in with them and get help by going to intensive outpatient care (they live up in the mt. in a secure environment). A week after that I found out about his relapse and he told me that needed to go away and concentrate on getting his life together and figure out a way to deal with his problems without using drugs. I am taking it as a good sign that he admitted his problem and is taking the steps to get help. I know that I am not in control of him or his drug problem and the only thing I can do is be here for him if he ask me for help. The problem I am having now is that after his relapse I confessed to my mother about his drug use (she did not know before). She is very angry at me for not telling her before and is making things very difficult for me. I am 23 years old and am finishing up my college schooling and getting ready to move on with my masters. Because I am still in school I live at home (but work and pay my own bills), this is making the situation with my mother very difficult. She has demanded that I breakup with my boyfriend and told both me and my boyfriend that we are not to see or speak to each other again. She has told her friends about my situation and even told other family members (despite me asking her not to) and they have all felt free to voice their unwarranted opinions regarding my boyfriends drug addiction and our relationship. I understand that she is my mother and is doing what she feels is right to protect me from getting hurt. However, as an adult I know that I am free to make my own decisions, I know that she cannot protect me from getting hurt and that she cannot always be there for me to pick up the pieces when things fall apart. It was never my goal to be with someone who has addiction problems, however I know the person that he truly is and I have faith that he can live a sober life (as he does as well). I would not be with him if he was still doing drugs, but as he has taken active steps towards recovery and is no longer on drugs and in treatment I have decided to continue our relationship (as long as he lives a sober life). I was wondering if anyone has any advice about how to deal with my mom and prying family members?
hi azoe,him dealing with his or your family is not the real question you are askingis it ?its come to a point in your relationship that you are having second thoughts,isn't?you gotta ask yourself can i deal with this hanging over the head of our relationship ? this is not gonna be easy for you to deal with the rest of your life.please don't take anyone's advise.this is up to you 100%.can you live with this man ? how sure are you that you wana deal with his addiction ?this is gonna be the single most important decision in this relationship and your life.if you two choose to stay together,with the exception of having children there is no bigger decision you have to make.i would never presume to tell you how difficult its gonna be.this is between you,him,and god.I will keep you in my prayers...
Dear azoe33, I was moved by your post and subzero brings up some good questions to ponder. His addiction will always be a factor in your life but that does not mean you can have a good & healthy relationship.
I believe he is worthy of your love and damn lucky to have a girlfriend as dedicated as you.
Now, I understand where your mother is coming from. She's just trying to protect her child. Being that you are an adult the burden of your decisions is all on you and no one else. Living at home is going to be difficult as she has a right to at least keep him out of her house but not forbid you to see him.
I have to tread lightly with advice like this as there really is no clear-cut way to handle this problem.
Above all else, you have to decide what is right for your life. I truly hope that your boyfriend stays on the path to recovery. I, as well, will keep you in my prayers and hope for the best of possible worlds for you and yours.
Well it sounds to me like hes already been high one way or another for 3/4s Of your realationship, and so I guess youve excepted the fact, that hes gonna be high on something! one way or another for 3/4s of the rest of your relationship.One things for sure what ever you decide my dear will be in the best interest for you and your children.Course I guess if you decide in fact to stay with this guy,you sure want have to put your children in the situation your in? Cause for one thing there want be any college money! Cause 3/4s of the time hes gonna be on maintenence therapy or getting high! Both are very expensive! And then again whos gonna want to get involved with the child of a herion addict? " Hey mom guess what I met this wonderful guy hes end his third year of college and hes my prince charming,Hes studing for his masters!"--- REALITY<> Moma I cant ever see him again!
his parents found out Dad was - is a herion Addict and said we couldnt ever see each other again!!! What are you gonna say to her? How are you gonna make that up to your children.Were you allowed to play with herion addicts children? Do you really want to be known as the wife of a herion addict.If it was 1/4 of your relationship.Have you read up on Suboxone ? I tell a good place to start,go to " Drugs of abuse publication" Chapter 4 and read about drugs of abuse go down to buprenorphine and notice what it says." Suboxone-Buprenorphine" 30 to 50 times stronger than morphine.Oxycontin is stronger than morphine by about 2 times 15mgs oxycontin 30mgs morphine so you figure hes already taken something say 40 times stronger than oxycontin as it stands and that wasent good enough he wanted herion? wow ! Whats it gonna cost your children? Are you sure you want to subject your children to that? What have your parents given up for you to have your education? Are you gonna spend that on herion? Go back and look at your Mother real close.Does she look devastated? Look at the hurt in her eyes,was his HIGH ! worth that? HEY IM ON SUBOXONE! MY 23 YEAR OLDS IN PRISON !!! I SPENT HIS COLLEGE EDUCATION ON DRUGS AND REHAB, IM SO SORRY I COUNDNT HELP IT I GOT DEPRESSED,IM A ADDICT!!! And guess what I had surgery and got addicted to my pain meds to that doesent change the fact that now im an addict ,I love my son just as much as anyone else loves theres.He was already born when I had my surgery, Things could have been different,NO!! addiction is a disease.Theres no cure for addiction I know of, only Maintenence!I The maintenence drug is stronger than the dope? Think you better THINK real hard.. before you trade good ole mom for a herion addict... With much love and consideration for you and your future.Carol
I am going to tell you my advice and it is from real experience and the addict is my son and that is the exact pattern he took, injury, to OxyContin to heroin. This addiction is debilitating and I would just advise you to ask yourself that if you marry him could you live with the prospect of him perhaps relapsing? How to deal with your family is simple, just tell them what you want them to know and they will find out more if they want to some other way. You can't tell them not to care because they know you have an important decision to make and they are trying to convince you to take a look at your life and ask yourself if you want to go thru this every few years or every few months.He is not the man you met and not the person you were with the first couple years because he is now an addict and realizes the importance of recovery in his life.
It does sound like he is trying and taking the right course. That does not mean that it will work - you just have to be willing to go through this again and again if need be. Is he going to his parents to get away from anyone or is it where the outpatient therapy is.? You would have had a bigger problem by not telling your parents because they were bound to find out and you weren't telling them because you knew this would happen and they would judge him and that is always hard but they are your family and you can't undo that. They are just worried and as you say you are old enough to do what you want. You are in love and she knows that - she is trying to save you from a life of horror and walking on egg shells. Every addict hates what they have become and he wants his old life back. He stepped over that invisible line into addiction and can't ever go back. He can recover but there is a chance that he won't. If he has another relapse that would be my que to get out. He loves you but sometimes this addiction is too powerful and it should be the sign for you to stop while you have minimal time invested and don't have children. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you so look inward and ask yourself if you are willing to live your life with this addiction because that is what it means if you stay with him. I am not trying to make your decision but I think you have to take off those rose colored glasses and ask yourself if you could live with him going in and out of addiction honey, it is a new world of recovery because there are drugs that can help him recover. You just have to be willing to go along for the ride and love this new person he is rather than the the first one you fell in love with. Good luck and let us know what happens. Sometimes you just have to save yourself. My best wishes that you will be O.K. thru it all. We are always here to help you.
The only thing I can tell you is to move on. Not for your family but for yourself. My husband has been an addict since the age of 23rd (heroin). He is 49 and still using even though he is on probation with 6 months hanging over his head. An addict does not care at the moment all the want is the drug. I have alot to lose too. A good job grandchildren etc. But I made a promise to his mother before she died, I would never leave him on the streets. My only way out is for him to go to jail and I can not do it. Please even if you believe you love him, get out now..
hi,a few yrs bak i had a g.f who took methadone ,she secretly shot up kapanol bhnd my back with my$ ,she was 14yrs younger than me and (fun) ,but my familly rekond she had to go.lookin back they were spot on ,good times were not worth wat she did to my head tor bank accnt ,once a junkie always one - she isnt my first bad choice either ,if i were yu ide look afta yourself first ,obv ure gonna do wat ure heart tells ya but ultimately u must make the choice of bein burdend with (his ) problem u sound clever / act on it.
Well, I sort of know what's going on with your mom because I moved back home at one point, except in that case, I was leaving my ex because he was abusive. My parents were very serious about me not having contact with him if I sought their help. Unfortunately, when it comes to seeking help from your parents, it's impossible for them to not delve into your personal business. As for the ultimate decision, it is up to you, however, you mom has her opinions and beliefs. If you wanted to stay with him, you would probably have to find your own place to live.
Now onto the drug-addicted boyfriend, sounds like my current boyfriend. We have not been together nearly as long as you and yours, and he was an addict from the start. Everything progressed about the same as with yours. When I got pregnant, he left town to "get clean", which I'm sure he did. One thing that he did say that I think sums it up best... "I am clean right now, but dope will always be a part of my life... and I have my daughters to motivate me to resist it"... however, that only lasted so long. My daughters turned 6 weeks and all the tell-tale signs were back. Good luck... I hope things work out the best for YOU.
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