Heres whats going on. for years now ive been suffering low back pain this past year it has gotten extremely worse, went to doc they say i have lumbar stenosis of the spine with radiculopathy not even sure what that means and on top of it ive been passing out one doc said narcolepsy now they say could be my spine on top of it need to see a onocologist for a tumor in my back. so i suffer from extreme pain that raidiates down my legs loss of feeling sometimes in my feet sometimes loss of control of my right leg and severe migranes with episode s of loss of conciousness out of no where passed out one time went face first into the door and broke my nose. they have me only on tramadol with 5mg of hydrocodone a day flexeril and zoloft cause i just might get depressed what really stinks is my boyfriend doesnt seem to care and doesnt even take any of this serious at all he just pretty much ignores me now i dont really understand it . it is pretty depressing want to move out but find myself in a predictment because most days i dont have good range of motion and most of the "friends" i had are nowhere to be seen or heard from anymore , oh wait got a text yesterday it was for money ..I am lonely broke and miserable any suggestions
It sounds as if you are depressed and who, in your shoes, wouldn't be?!
Your bf must think you are malingering (faking this) or he wouldn't be so callous about it all. Why not chuck him and find new friends while you are at it? Ask him why he treats you this way first, though, just to gain some insight as to why he is so callous. Maybe he thinks you are asking for too much attention or maybe he is just a selfish person?
But don't let yourself be treated this way, you are volunteering to be a victim. Take responsibility for how you are treated, don't let HIM decide he can treat you like an old shoe.
I hate to quote Dr. Phil, but we DO teach people how to treat us! Don't put yourself in the victim role, be strong!
I wish you only the best,
Macintosh is right, you cannot continue to allow this behavior from him and you are due an explanation as to why. I'm not sure you will get an answer, but you have to at least ask so that you can say you tried. This unfortunately is a common response or at least the same response I have received twice. I lived like that for almost 13 years with my ex-husband when I had Endometriosis and surgeries, he hardly ever did or said anything nice or try to help me, take care of me, it was awful, made me feel crazy. Anyway, divorced now and last boyfriend for three years would get mad everytime I would have pain days and be forced to lay low watching T.V. with heating pad (my best friend). Anyway, I left him too. I am alone, but not lonely by any means. I would rather be alone than be in a bad relationship and that is something that only you can decide for yourself.
I don't know why these men behave this way, but my best guess is that they don't know what to do and know they can't "fix you" so they just behave badly out of frustration. I don't think they even know what they are thinking or feeling let alone how to properly articulate it. Any comments from our male members?
Hello. I thought I would give you another way of thinking about this. men can be very afraid of taking care of someone. Though the exception is out there, often they just don't know what to do. So they withdraw. especially if young, like under 80. But giving him the benefit of the doubt has passed. This has been going for a while and he hasn't stepped up. Sorry to hear that. I will assume you have had a frank talk with him. Told him your needs and expectations? I know how hard that is. If he withdraws then so be it. You were honest. If he is interested, this could be a way to teach him what is needed. So together you do go kicking and screaming to a therapist and the doctor and to treatments. Tell him what you need.no false hopes here. It is or it isn't. friends really respond the same way. They don't know what to do.
Now, lets go with the status quo. No help. All alone, no money. What resources do you have? Family? Housing? Other friends or acquaintances? Have you looked up a social worker? Can you go to the food pantries? What is out there for you? List everything you can think of that would help. Once you get started, you will find ideas lead to ideas.
Alone is not the issue. You have us. Help is the issue. Pain, fear, confusion are all part of the deal. Take the depression and anxiety medications. Time to care for you and difficult to do with these burdens. You can get off them later. This is a time to self nurture. They really will help you.
The fainting may well have to do with stress, BP, the tumor. Seems like you need one very good physician to coordinate your care. Narcolepsy is pretty rare. A tumor in the spine can do all sorts of things. Be it cancer or not.
Those are my musings. Plenty more to talk about when you are ready. Just know that we are listening, caring and will help however you need it. The only one to solve the boyfriend situation is you. If he stresses you out by being remote, think what that means to your life right now. You will know.
Write anytime. You can also write people privately by making them a friend, select their icon and read the headers. Be strong as you can get what you need. What you want will come later. Wishing you a good nights sleep and a deep feeling of love from all who care. Karen
I have to agree with the others. Your bf can't treat you with such disregard unless you allow it. Many people can't emotionally handle illness of any kind, let alone a chronic illness/condition. Some may have grown up with a hypochondriac while others are just not natural "caregivers". Others are too self-centered to give the time and effort needed to care for a loved one. Only you will know which category your bf fits into. Regardless, you deserve understanding and love. A little concern thrown in would be wonderful. I hope that soon you will have a very frank discussion with your bf. I also agree with the others that your bf needs to go to the doctor with you, so your doc can explain to him what is going on and why he has prescribed the meds you take. If after this, your bf is still unwilling to accept and understand that you have a chronic condition with chronic pain, then you have very important choices to make. You are not alone!!! You have the DC family now, and we will be here for you. Like Karen said, check into financial options available to you. You might be surprised!
You've gotten great advice from everyone, especially MacIntosh, Lara. I guess I'll have to disagree with just one of the things that wonderful Endless Pred had to say. I don't agree that "men can be very afraid of taking care of someone. Though the exception is out there, often they just don't know what to do. So they withdraw. especially if young, like under 80."
My husband as well as others on this site, do have wonderful supportive husbands. I am so disabled that I can barely do anything for or with my husband--no cooking, no cleaning, no travel, few social occasions, etc. When my mother was in very poor health, my father treated her well. And from my experience, I have known men who are drawn to women with poor health. Several fell in love with their friends who were in the hospital at the time. Then they rushed to marry them. Two of them married badly. Their wives totally recovered. Years later they finally had to divorce them because they were such a bad match. Also my therapist told me that her husband fell in love with her AFTER she got a very lethal kind of cancer, which she finally managed to go into remission. They had a good marriage for many years. She even wrote a book about her recovery from the cancer and died from another cause.
My biggest clients, all men have been so understanding and supportive. Even some colleagues (both men) from 30 years ago that I hadn't heard from in many years, heard about me from some mutual friends. They both wrote such loving supportive emails to me. Also another male friend of mine was both supportive, plus worked hard to get me a specialty doctor appointment within one week--this through a friend of his. He talked to me constantly about my progress. There are many wonderful men out there.
I know of 4 different men who never left their wives after they got severe illnesses, which lasted for years, until the women died. And I think that they treated them well, although I wasn't in the household.
I'm 61 with a LOT of people in my life through the years--having been single for more than half of my life. I haven't had any friends or ever heard of anyone who had callous uncaring husbands. Obviously they exist from this website, but in my experience they must be the exceptions.
So I would not think that most men are going to treat you the way your boyfriend does. Do you have any family? Can't they take you in or at least help you to move if you can't get your boyfriend whipped into shape? Or did you also have a callous family as well? I sure hope not. You take care.
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