hello I'm new here and I was dx with bipoler 2. My friend is getting married on July 11th with about 500-600 guests. I've known her since I was 13 and I'm 25 now. We don't talk much but we're still friends. For several months I've been having anxiety when I leave home besides work. I do get out when I have to but its still hard. I really don't want to go to this wedding. My anxiety goes up just thinking about it. I try to tell myself just man up and go but I just CAN'T! What should I do? Should I explain what's going on and tell her I can't come? It's hard for people to understand this disease as you all know. I feel terrible about it but I just can't get it together. Just to let you know I take lamictal 200, pristiq 50mg, clonazepam 0.5 mg 3x a day, and suboxone. Any advice please?
Hello dnc1987. Welcome to the site. My advice would be be up front, tell/explain how you feel and she hopefully will understand. you come first, your well being above everything else is paramount. Again, welcome and take care, no need to worry yourself to the point of being ill. Regards pledge
Hi hun, welcome to the site! I understand what you are going through. I have BPD and also suffer with Agrophobia. I am the same as you in large groups/groups of any kind really. I am lucky to have support workers that visit me daily and help me go out. I find it much better having someone by my side... is there someone that could accompany you for support? I also find it helpful to have my own transport, so i don't worry about how i will get home if i need to leave a certain situation. Can you drive, or ask a friend to drive you? I would try to explain to your friend how much anxiety you are feeling about this event, but you feel bad because you want to be there for her... do you think you could manage making an appearance (with someone supporting you) and then leave when you need to?
I fully understand how you feel. That's a huge crowd if you deal with anxiety in crowds. I think I would have to tell her I am unable to come to the wedding because of my health and leave it at that. If you had more contact with her she might understand about the anxiety, but if she hasn't been around you maybe not. Even my Mom thinks I'm a little goofy when I tell her I can't do something because of anxiety around strangers and crowds.
Man up? What the? Do you have a Dr or therapist or other professional help enlisted? It is a good idea to share this anxiety with someone who knows you and knows your history. You can WORK THROUGH your anxiety and attend the wedding, having the courage to seek that help would really be "manning up." Hope this helps.
Hi dnc1987. I totally, and I mean "totally" understand. This happens to me every day. I only leave my apartment with my daughter. I've been on vacation for 6 months and I think I've been out of my sons place 5 times. I can't stand to go shopping because of people running into each others carts, and items laying on the floor (sometimes I kick these items out of the way.) There is never room for two carts because the store packs crap in the middle of isles so they can make bucks. I turn people down who ask me to do something 99.9% of the time. I always feel obligated to go. I could, nor would, go to that wedding if that's what you believe is right for you. It literally makes my stomach qweezy to think of it. Your a very strong woman because you sincerely do you care enough to worry and feel sad because you don't want to hurt anyone. I go right panic mode when I need to be somewhere at a specific time.
It takes me a long time to tell someone I'm not going to do whatever they want me to. Then I realize I'm giving someone else my power. I'm saying to myself "am I going to allow this person to rule my life?" I know people get bent out of .shape. I'm not a good friend, so how can I expect to have friends? What these people at the wedding think of you is none of your business. It's what YOU think of YOU that matters. You must be a thoughtful person to care more about others than you do about yourself. You sacrifice your own health to prevent hurt feelings. The best thing I can think of that's worked for me is to tell the person/persons as soon as you possibly can that you are or not going can. If you need to talk to them on the phone or in person, you may feel uncomfortable silence. Silence is good. It may be difficult, but it's better than babbling on about why your not going to attend or nervous conversation. Actually, you have enough time to send this person a note. You could say something like this: "Thank you for inviting me to your wedding, Mary. I'm sorry to say this, but I'm unable to attend. I hope your wedding is everything you ever dreamed of and more. My thoughts are with you now, and especially on your most wonderful blessed day. Save all your pictures. I can't wait to see them. With all my love, you." When you do this, you know it will end this war you're having within yourself. Remember that deep down feeling of your own self-worth. There's no reason you have to explain WHY you aren't going to attend. Telling them that your not going to be there is sufficient. If I have to go somewhere, I take medication to calm me down before I go to the affair. I try to be ready in as much time as possible to prevent the panic, rush, feeling. Ask your Doc what he thinks. There's so many dedicated, loving folks who spend days doing research to answer our questions on drugs.com. Remember that this is about YOU. Take care, Darlin.
Welcome to the site hon. I mean the wholeheartedly. There are some very precious people on here that can and will help you any way they can. I must say I strongly disagree with what one of the poster's said about just manning up and go the wedding. Anxiety doesn't work like that. It's not like a lightbulb you can just turn off and on. I have suffered from anxiety for many years, due to a lot of trauma in my life, and I take everything you take except the suboxone. Anxiety is a terrible thing to have. And it's just like anything else... if a person has never experienced it... they have no clue what it's like. You did get some wonderful answers. I agree with Pledge and Delila. Your mental health is more important than anything here. And if a friend doesn't understand that... than maybe their not a true friend anyway. I don't know.
But I do know from what you are saying, that you would probably be better off not going hon. I hope you're anxiety gets better, but I know from personal experience that it doesn't happen over night. Don't feel ashamed of that either. And please don't care what other people think. They are not you. You have to take care of yourself. Best wishes to you, and I wish you nothing but peace and happiness. I'm here if you need to talk. Ruthie
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