So let me first start off by saying, I am a 19 year old male, healthy and in a regular teen age; freshly out of high school life style, BUT my mind isn't. Some background info is; my grandma, dad, older sister and brother have pretty bad anxiety. I know this, because I have talked to my brother and sister about it; and I have saw the pills my grandma and dad takes for it. I started noticing this all in early stages when I was about 16 and I got my first girlfriend. Well, I quickly noticed, it was hard for me to trust, be ignored, or even see attention shown to other people instead of myself. The girl didn't really give a reason for me to not trust her or anything, it was like I didn't even trust her before I knew what she even looked like. I'm sorry but this will probably be a really long paragraph, but that's because I want to give all the info and get a good response; because I need the help. Well anyways, that relationship lasted for about 2 years and we broke up which is besides the point but it was basically hell. Worrying 24/7, freaking out if I didn't get a text after a while and just constant mind games with myself. Well maybe I can shorten a lot of what I was going to say up. Anyways, I moved back to where we moved from in the first place to graduation, which it was the same area but a different school. My whole high school years I felt worrying getting worse and worse; so I went to the doctor and she diagnosis me with situational anxiety and prescribed me a medicine generic to "Lexapro", this was before the panic attacks. My mom being a overprotective mom, read up on it and saw how if you don't really have depression; lexapro isn't really a go to anxiety medicine. Which I have no idea, I didn't read up on it, I just listened to my mom. The doctor even said it would take 6 weeks to get into my system which I needed it then, it made me have anxiety even thinking about having to wait that dang long! So anyways, getting out of high school I required something new, which I kind of always had but it's so incredibly hard to explain but I'm going to try my best. I have had panic attacks before and I have had what I call "my freakouts" or what my new girlfriend I have(which I been dating for 8 months and she understands my problem) "my episodes". So as I started getting older, I always felt like I have just something else in my mind, like this is going to sound weird but another brain. Anyways back to explaining it more in an example way, I get flared up so easily now and get mad or go into a panic'y stage that I can't control at all. Used to I could hold back the other "brain" inside of me that wants to say what it wants; but now its like it just says it or freakouts out. Whats really weird is after my "episode" or a panic'y situation I go into a dream like stage; where I'm confused and everything I just said is a blur and it legit feels like I'm in a dream. It doesn't feel like me anymore when I have one of the freakouts and I feel like I didn't say any of that it just happened.I'm so incredibly confused on what is this, but I know I need help because I can't control these episodes at all anymore. Its like I have no control.
First of all, let me say I am sorry you are going through this. 19 is a hard age, I know this because I'm not too terribly far from it. (24 female). The freaking out because the gf didn't text, that kind of stuff is pretty normal no matter how old you are hun. No worries there. As for the other stuff, it could be a list of issues and before I go any farther I want to encourage you to seek professional attention for your safety. These chat sites are great for venting but you, like myself, have a much deeper issue that can't be explained in once conversation. It sounds to me like you may be AD/HD. It will prevent you from thinking clearly, everything feels fuzzy, you can't get any one thing done and it makes you freak out. It can lead to severe panic attacks and make you feel like you're no longer in control of your life. I am speaking from personal experience here. When I am not on my adderoll I can't get anything done and I feel like a terrible person.
I do not lash out but I become very depressed and can't get motivated. Sometimes what I say doesn't even make since to me because my thoughts are all scrambled. It's like when you're sitting in a class room and the teacher says close your eyes and picture "a tiger" I can close my eyes but I have no control over what I see when I do. I've been like this all my life and it's cause a lot of problems for me. It also sounds like you have anger issues. I don't know if something occurred in your childhood that you've repressed or there's someone you're still holding a grudge against but it sounds like there's more going on there. College life can't be easy so the stress alone is probably making you a little crazy. But like I said before I started, it could be a whole list of things. You should go to symptom checker online and see what your specific symptoms match up to. You should also search Bi-polar disorders, depression, anxiety disorder, and anger disorders and see what symptoms you recognize. I believe in doing your homework when it comes to things like this. There's so much information out there to help you on the internet. Md.com is a great site. Basically, without asking you about your life's history... there's no way to say for sure what's going on. Like I said, you really should speak with someone about this. If you do not have medical insurance, there are free mental clinics in all counties. In the mean time, research your possibilities. I am new to this site so I'm not sure if you can contact me privately but if you can, feel free to. I'll try to help any way I can. Best of luck to you.
Let me first say that anxiety can be an illness when it adversely affects your ability to function. The symptoms you describe: anxiety, irritability, depersonalization are indicative of any number of illnesses. Without a proper evaluation by a professional determining what illness you may have is fruitless.
And by the way, Lexapro (escitalopram) does help many people with their anxiety regardless of depression. Getting the proper diagnosis and therefore appropriate treatment is critical to your feeling better.
I had a very similar situation and was diagnosed with panic disorder ... my doctor basically described it as when normal people respond to stress it hits around level 5 out of 10 when I respond I can be anywhere between 5 and 15 out of 10. they gave me very low dose of Xanax and if I have an episode that requires it I can take an extra dose to calm me down. it has helped for the last 10 years but you should see a psychologist tell them the situation and the physical symptoms you experience when different situations come up and they will assess your situation and give you meds if you need them. and to be honest it took 5 years for the doctor to find the right combination of medicine for me and I am constantly changing dosage or swapping pills for a different kind so it's not a simple fix you gotta check in once or twice a year atleast. I go in every 4 months to make sure my body is getting the correct meds in the amount my body needs at that time.
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