... out help and I still want to kill my self
Hi aiden1. Yes, as Pledge says, could you add a bit more information? If you could list the meds you have been on,what type of Dr was prescribing them,a GP or a Psychiatrist. Maybe, let us know what you have been diagnosed with,as anxiety falls into a lot of different categories.
Remember this, when a Dr says something like this, then it's time to find a new one.One with compassion,and knowledge of what those words might cause. And remember this as well, you may not be able to see us or we you, but if you need to talk about absolutely ANYTHING, this is the place you can do that.No one here judges. We have been where you are, and found our way out, but NOT alone.
I hope to hear more from you, tejas129
Hi aiden. I'm Anna. Nice to meet you . I'm going to be very honest about what your experiencing.
I was 14 when I saw a 15 year old boy who committed suicide by rifle.I'd never want to see my son that way. . I worried that he would not go to heaven, because I believed that God would make the decision about when we go to heaven, and I believe that to this day.
On the other hand, after 49 years, I finally understand why he did it. I discovered this by being homeless for 6 mos. One night during rthis manic episode, I thought about why I was alive. Mind you, I am not suicidal. I thought about why this boy had the frame of mind that he did, He was alone, and was hopeless about his life. I realized that the answer to his overwhelming depression was too much more than he could handle alive. Death became greater than life.
Be bigger than this. Find a way out of escape. Go out to your car and have a coke or candy bar and listen to the radio. Take a lot of hot showers. Move. Move. Move. Do housework,(blah) Listen to music you like. Fight this anxiety until you can get professional help. I know when your experiencing this kind of anxiety that you probably need a med, and none of these suggestions will make a doggone bit of sense. I'm doing the best I can. You might want to consider gettting a Dr. who is more understanding of your situation, and more compassionate. That's your choice. I highly recommend it and do it as soon as possible. No one should feel like you do. Keep your shoulders high, and stand with the greatest confidence in the world. You are precious and you''re unique. You can get out of this. Find a way to let out your agression. I kicked a huge ball untill I couldn't kick anymore because I was tired. Wouldn't ya know. I felt a load off my shoulders that I hadn''t felt for at least 8 mos.
Take care of business. Be your own person. If your not, whose going to be? There are some outstanding friends we have on this site. Some who dedicate their time to helping us. We need each other. There will be a time when we'll ask you a questions. We're all just ordinary people who love to support and be supported. Ask all you want to. Someone is pretty much always here to talk to you. You'll get tons of answers from our friends to help you. Hang in there, please!
God be with you, my friend.
Hi Aiden, I also agree that it would be great if you could please list all the medications you've tried, as it will help us to help you.
Right now your perception of life is skewed, as anxiety and depression distort life and rob us of joy. I went through a horrible time in my life with depression and terrible panic and anxiety. It took several meds to find the right one. Your doctor sounds like a bit of a tool, if you don't mind me saying that! Please, search out a good doctor! IF you enter a doctors office and he/she is not what you want, turn on your heel and walk out of that office.
You must be brave right now, and hunt for a doctor who will work with you, as there are literally thousands of medications that may work for your anxiety, some of them are prescribed "off label" for anxiety, and at least ONE
will work for you! You must keep hope alive, don't let your last doctor rob you
of that, as hope is the best of things.
I most sincerely hope we hear from you soon,
Hi Aiden, Have you ever heard the expression, that when a door closes, a window opens? Also "this too shall pass". Old cliches are there for a reason. Because they are real. People are very resilient, you just have to be persistent!! Go out and take a walk. Try and take a small walk a few times a day. I bet you feel better. Try a community school class on meditation, or go on the computer and read about how to do it. It is not hard to learn, and very effective. Don't isolate yourself. Do something around other people! People here have shared experiences they have had, others want to help you with medication. Until you can get there, I am trying to help you with tools. But it has to come from you! I know that it is hard, heck if you talk to people and find out about their lives, you realize that gee, I wouldn't want to go through that! Just give it a go, ok? A short walk, a few deep breaths, and you would be surprised at how much better you feel!!
Feel better soon! We all care!
Aiden, I've gone through two sessions of ECT myself, and suffer from crippling anxiety. I've also been hospitalized 8 times in 10 years, and tried suicide 3 times. Just so you know there is some common experience here. You say you're on clonazepam right now. The problem with benzodiazepines, as I'm sure you know, is that one builds up a tolerance rather quickly. However, I question the scruples of your doctor saying that there is nothing more he can do. There is always something more a psychiatrist can do... is he a psychiatrist, or a primary doctor?
Are you in "talk" therapy. I found a therapist that I like just recently, it only took me 15 years. Ha ha. Seriously, it took me a long time, but next week is my fifth appointment; I've never made it past my 2nd before. Therapy is SO hard with anxiety. But it's worth finding a therapist who understands. It's still hard, but possible.
Medications like Effexor (venlafaxine), which comes in a time release form, can be efficacious with anxiety and depression, as well. Buspar takes a couple of weeks to go to work, unlike benzodiazepines, but it can work well for some people.
Aiden, you need to find another doctor. And please be safe, my friend. You know all this, but get into the hospital if you feel like you're a danger to yourself. When it gets crippling with me, so bad I can't leave my flat, or even answer the phone, I say, "Come Hell or high water, I'm going to survive this day." That, "One day at a time" thing is trite, but there is some truth to it... I just jazz it up a bit.
So if you're of a mind to, write me. I have much advice in this area. Anxiety is a merciless, terrible form of mental illness, as you know. It's a fight worth winning. Sometimes I don't have anxiety and it's beautiful over there.
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