There is a man that approached me strongly when I moved here. My husband passed away very suddenly 6 years ago & I have not been interested in going out, dating or anything. I am middle aged, & this man is 10 years older than me. He came on strong while I was moving in, I was exhausted, looked a mess, & really did not want him seeing my personal things or pushing me to get things done right now. It was late & I needed sleep. I have PTSD, which causes me to have a lot of anxiety. I take Xanax, which works very well for me & I do not abuse it. Every day, this man came over, & wanted to help. He was too pushy, & I told him thank you, but I just needed some time right then. As time went by, we discovered we had an amazing amount of things in common. We began doing things together, & he just came out & said I had no conception of time, was spending too much time on one thing, caused him to miss his favorite lunch, etc. I told him to do what he wanted, & we could catch each other later. No. He wanted to be with me, but I came to find it was on his terms. He would ask me if I was dumb, on drugs, sleep deprived, or what, that made me so slow. Ok, I am not that slow & I said so. I have the right to take my time to look at something before I buy it or dig it up (we both are rock hounds) or whatever. He is a very generous & kind person, & is always giving me things. I lend him a hand with things he cannot do, & we have become good friends. But always, there was a strange feeling when I was with him. He shamed me in front of whole rooms full of people, telling me I had 20 minutes & no more. I would be browsing & he would come up behind me or get in front of my face & say I was wasting his day, what was wrong with me, was I just stupid, slow or what? He told me I spent too long taking personal care of myself (a bath) & generally, wanted to control my life. He has stormed away from me numerous times, & avoided me for months, which is very embarresing, as everyone knows about us in our small living complex. Suddenly, he would come back, never say he was sorry, & expected me to pick right back up where we left off. I tried to talk to him, but it did not good. He tells me if I don't take his advice, not to bother him about whatever it is, anymore. I don't ask for his advice, it is just general talk, & he tells me his problems, & I listen, but never do I say unkind things or give him ultimatiums. I am not used to the lay out of this town, & find it very confusing. I have asked him if he would show me where a place is, & since he is from here, he gives me directions I do not understand, & he gets really angry. I drive too slow; I have no sense of directions; there is something seriously wrong with me; what is wrong with me that I cannot follow his simple directions? These are just a few of his constant batterings. It is confusing. I have never been treated like this before. He is very hard of hearing, I speak softly, & this enrages him. He will point with two fingers to his eyes & say "Look at me"!! Listen to what I am saying!
This is very insulting & degrading. I am by no means dumb, but I missed the signs that he is a controller. He is a Bully too. If you met him, you would never see it, unless you let him into your life & really got to know him. He has told store employees they are not doing their jobs right & tell them what to do. Same thing at restaurants. I love to grow flowers and am good at it. He enjoys it too. I had quite a nice bunch of hanging baskets last summer, & shower them gently every day, sometimes twice if it is hot, in the AM & PM. I had to have surgery, & he said he would care for my plants. When I came back home, most of them were either dead or close to it. He said I was wrong, that you only water them 3 times a week tops. I know better than this, he could see that I was shocked by the condition of my lovely flowers, & I clearly told him I knew how to garden & would hire someone next time I needed help. Another round of insults. Finally, this last week, he was very moody, & I didn't go to see him as often. We both are Diabetic, he does not take care of himself, but I do, & he put candy all over the coffee table, right in front of me. That's a tough one! He is very much in control of the television (both of them) & constantly is switching back & forth between programs until I don't have any idea as to what we were watching. He has a system that he knows well, to get past the commercials, & handed me the remote & said he was going to read, & to take over. I am unsure as to how to work everything, but it is easy for him. He has explained it, but I do not understand it all yet. I asked a simple question because I could not mute the sound, & he blew his top. If I was that stupid, then go home! He had showed me many times, yet what didn't I understand?? What is wrong with me, stupid, dumb, brain damaged, on drugs, you name it. I quietly gathered my things & came home. He sat & pouted like a child. He even berates me for wanting a hug, saying I am too affectionate! For just a hug?? I have been very isolated since I lost my husband, but finally let someone into my life & he turns out to be a control freak & a bully. It is confusing, because he is so kind & generous, but it comes with a big price. I don't even want to get out of bed. I have come to care for him, but there is no future with him. It's back to the same thing. Totally ignoring me, so I gave notice & am moving away. He once said he would not tolerate me being jealous, which I am not, and I will no longer tolerate his controlling & bullying. He has really pulled me down. I didn't see it at first, but I sure know it now. I don't want to be enemies, but I can no longer take him. Yes, I will miss his kindness, but not the painful strings that are attached. My self esteem has hit rock bottom, & this is not good for me. I cry all the time, try not to go outside so I don't run into him, & feel awful. I just want to sleep. How do I get away from this? He has never hit me or he would be in jail. It's the degrading verbal & emotional abuse. Why does he do this? How do I get my self worth back & put this behind me? I am sorry this is so long, but it's the only way I can explain. I have friends here, feel safe, & this may not be the right place for me to be for this problem. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you